As Is
by Firefly119
Summary: James' parents are hassling him to continue the line. Lily's been fired from her job simply for being a muggleborn. When they end up married after a one night stand, they have nothing in common. To save themselves can they accept each other as is?
1. Prologue

**As Is**

**Prologue **

**Quotation: **_It's choice - not chance - that determines your destiny._

_Jean Nidetch_

_

* * *

  
_

"Well did they even give you a reason?" Anwen Alford cried, slamming the drawer shut.

Lily shrugged miserably, and thrust another spoon into the carton, beyond caring that the ice cream had long since turned to goop. "Just that they had to do 'cut backs', that was it."

"Cut backs my arse, it's because you're a muggleborn!" Ann growled and began chopping the carrot in front of her violently. She shoved the pieces aside and grabbed another one from the bag. "The bleeding cowards. The least they could do was admit that they're prejudiced."

"Oh come on Ann, what were they going to do, say we only want qualified, literate and, oh yeah, pure blood writers? Come on. Besides, the writing's been on the wall for ages." She sighed. "They haven't given me a decent assignment in months." Lily pushed the ice cream away, disgusted. The taste had finally caught up with her.

Ann whirled around, knife still in hand, blue eyes flashing. "That doesn't make it okay! I'm a pureblood. I can't write to save my life, but apparently I'm now more qualified that you are to be a staff writer at the fucking Daily Prophet! Freedom of the presses indeed." She shoved the knife into the nearest potato and split it with entirely too much force.

Lily had known Ann far too long to be anything but comforted by her righteous indignation. It was nice to know someone was on her side. "What am I going to do now?" Lily asked, feeling extremely sorry for herself. "No job worth having will have me."

"Forget work."

Lily dropped her spoon unceremoniously. "Excuse me?"

Ann's eyes were shining now, and she had put aside the knife altogether, excellent anger management tool, though it had been.

"Forget work."

Lily laughed bitterly. "Fancy paying the rent yourself, do you? Not all of us have grandparents with deep pockets."

Ann rolled her eyes. "No not forever, you twit, just for a mini-break. Let's take a holiday."

"A holiday." Lily repeated, dead pan. "To where, exactly?"

"Luxus!"

"Luxus? Are you mad? Why on earth would you want to go to Luxus?" Lily asked, shaking her head incredulously.

"Come on Lily! The south of France, beaches, hot blokes, loads of drinks, hot blokes, dancing, and, oh yes, hot blokes!" Ann ticked off her fingers one by one.

Lily smiled in spite of herself.

"See! You know you want to go! Besides, we're only young once. "

"One little problem. How are we going to pay for it? I've just been canned, remember?" Lily asked, her head cocked to one side.

Ann grinned. "You've forgotten. Some of us have grandparents with very deep pockets."

Lily couldn't help it. She grinned back.

* * *

**A/N –**

So I thought it would be fun to play with the idea that James and

Lily got together by chance. Please review. All ideas, criticism and praise are eagerly awaited!!

Chapter one – James, Sirius, Remus and Peter stumble into Luxus, drunken exploits occur!


	2. I Try to Laugh at Whatever Life Brings

**As Is**

**Chapter One**

**Subtitled:** I Try to Laugh at Whatever Life Brings

**Quotation:** _If your gonna screw up, do it while you're young. Older you get, the harder it is to bounce back. - _Winston Groom

* * *

"How was dinner?" Sirius asked as he lazed on the couch, tossing a quaffle absentmindedly.

James put his keys in the dish by the door and sighed, suddenly feeling much older than nineteen. "I don't want to talk about it." He ran a hand through his dark, tousled hair.

"Mummy's still waiting for her little bundle to have a little bundle all his own?" Sirius cooed.

James shot him a dirty look. "It's worse then that."

"What could be worse then vying for father of the year?" Sirius asked, sitting up, his interest piqued.

"If I don't get married within six months, they're going to help the process along. Apparently with the current political atmosphere, they're not totally pleased with the speed with which I've been pursuing a spouse." He was clearly quoting his parents verbatim.

Sirius was standing now, his face creased with disbelief. "You don't mean –"

"I certainly do –"

"Eleanor Parks!" They both said at the same time and cringed simultaneously. Eleanor was the abrasive, self important, and stuffy daughter of James' parent's best friends.

"They can't be serious!" Sirius cried. "They love you. They can't possibly want that."

"Well," James said heavily. "I have two options. I tie the knot to someone or I forfeit everything. The money, the connections, my job!"

"Well, mate, it's not so bad. I mean I did it." Sirius said, trying his best to be supportive, a skill, unfortunately he had not been naturally endowed with.

"Yeah and now you're unemployed and broke. It'd be nice if one of us could pay the rent." James sat down at the kitchen table, taking the paper from the table and sighing. "Can you believe this swill?" he asked, throwing the paper down in disgust. The headlines read about all the steps the ministry was taking to stem unemployment. "I'd hardly call firing muggleborns 'stemming unemployment' " he said shaking his head.

"Yeah that's awful." Sirius agreed, though he sounded less then convincing. "But moral atrocities aside, what the hell are you going to do?"

James put his hands in the air. "What can I do? I love my job." He looked miserable.

"You love your job enough to shag Eleanor Parks?" Sirius cried incredulously. "For Christ's sake you sit at a desk all bleeding day."

"I deal with International issues all day." James cried, a little annoyed that his best friend had no clue what he did with his life. "and yes, I love it enough to shag Eleanor Parks," he did grimace at this, though, as if he had swallowed something particularly bitter. "Besides option A involves us living out of trash bins –"

"But with our moral fiber!" Sirius pointed out.

"Right, with out moral fiber intact, our stomachs empty but our moral fiber intact." James muttered, shaking his head. "Option B, however lets me keep my job, I can support you for the rest of eternity," he didn't seem totally pleased by the prospect, though resigned. "and I get to have a family."

"A family that's half Eleanor Parks. "

"A family that's half me! My parents are desperate to make sure the 'line' is continued. I mean honestly, just because they tried for years before getting pregnant they think if I don't start now, I won't have any luck at all. They're completely irrational but they mean business." James said, and Sirius knew the look on his face well. He'd worn the same look when Ravenclaw had won the Quidditch cup their fifth year, and again when Jess Tawney had cheated on him sixth year. James Potter was resigned to his fate.

"So it looks like I'm going to be a June bride." James said, smiling weakly. He tossed the paper bitterly across the room.

"Hmm." Sirius said, patting James' back mechanically, in a way that he hoped was comforting but was really just very offputting. His mind was moving a mile a minute. If James was going to condemn them both to a lifetime of Eleanor Parks, that was fine but not until he'd squeezed as much living as possible out of their remaining time.

* * *

"Yes, I understand that Ambassador, but the Minister has made his wishes very clear. If we're going to host the World Cup, we're going to need assurances from the international community that everyone will do their own part when it comes to security." James said calmly to the fire. The German Ambassador's head bobbed calmly in the flames.

"I'll speak to our Minister at his earliest convenience." He said stiffly.

"Thank you Ambassador."

"Thank you, Mr. Potter. Good day." He bobbed his head sharply and the fires burst up and then calmed, the head gone. James swiveled his chair back to his desk and turned to the piles of parchment waiting for him. There had been several disappearances in Eastern Europe, the World Cup was still a year away but the preparations had been ongoing for a couple of years, and the French were getting snippy about a cauldron embargo. He was going to be here all night. He rolled his sleeves and reached for the nearest quill. Just has he had dipped the quill into the ink there was a sharp rap on the door.

"Come!" he called and three scruffy teenage boys tumbled in.

"Sweet digs!" Remus said, taking in James cushy and upholstered office.

"Must be nice to have a Daddy in high places." Peter said, sitting in the arm chair opposite James' desk appreciatively, he ran his hands over James' highly polished desk. James cringed.

"What are you guys doing here? I'm working!" James jumped up to shut the door, praying no one saw them come in.

"We've come, Jamsie, to kidnap you." Sirius said, toying with James' quill. James lurched forward and snatched the quill from his fingers.

"Sirius, grow the hell up! This isn't Monday morning Transfiguration! I can't just leave. What part of job are you not understanding?" James cried.

Remus and Sirius exchanged looks. "Touchy, touchy." Sirius tsked. "Whatever will we do with him?" He asked Remus.

"You know," Remus said thoughtfully. "I think he probably just needs to let off a little steam. He's awfully tense." He moved forward to massage James' shoulders. James through him off violently.

"Hmm," said Peter as he tossed a very expense glass paperweight into the air. James looked like he was about to throw up. "If only he could get away for the weekend, you know blow off some steam?" He tossed the paperweight to Sirius, who caught it deftly, all three ignoring James' moans.

"Well maybe if his boss would let him leave early for the weekend." Remus said.

"Well it's a good thing we asked him –" Sirius said.

"You talked to my boss!" he cried.

"And he said yes!" All three boys cried. James stared at them incredulously.

"What? How did you…? When did you…?" he looked around the room dumbstruck.

"Let's just say that though it might not be Monday morning Transfiguration, the rules of charm still apply." Sirius said, twirling his wand smugly.

" You charmed Neal Clearwater into letting me take Friday off?" James asked skeptically.

Remus laughed. "Not exactly. We told them that your Great-Aunt Martha died and you have to go to the funeral."

James stared at them amazed. "And you did all this because…?"

Sirius grinned and took one his arms. Remus grabbed his other arm. "That's for us to know, and for you to find out." Sirius said as they lifted James and carried him out his office door. Peter followed behind with James' wand and cloak.

* * *

The air was so thick James could barely breath. He grinned in spite of himself and stepped from the apparition point . Remus popped into the spot he had been standing a moment ago and Sirius came next, followed by Peter.

"Luxus." James said, shaking his head in amazement, taking in the swaying palm trees and the hoards of witches and wizards streaming past him from the apparition points the hotel, the Pomegranate. "Men!" he cried "This is going to be fan-fucking-tastic!"

And, just slightly beyond his view and redhead and her brunette friend walked towards the hotel, thinking much the same thing.

* * *

**A/N** – So, a little shorter then I thought it would be but we have the whole gang together now (though they don't know it!) I know the premise is a little silly but I thought it would be fun. Anyway next time expect some entertaining drunken debauchery and all that jazz! And James and Lily might just find themselves hungover and married to a complete stranger!

Please review!!!


	3. You Would Be in Some Good Company

**As Is**

**Chapter Two**

**Subtitled**: You Would Be in Some Good Company

**Quotation**: _"Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."_ - Homer Simpson

* * *

"So," Lily said, twirling before Ann. "What do you think?" she asked, her red dress clinging to her every curve.

Ann nodded her head appreciatively from the bed as she sifted through her jewlery. "Hot."

Lily smiled, and took one last look at herself in the mirrow. She walked to the closet that she was sharing with Ann and pulled out two pairs of shoes. "What do you think? Gold or red?" she asked

Ann observed each critically before pointing to the pair on the right. "Gold, definitely gold!"

Lily tossed the red shoes back into the closet and sat on her own bed to put on the gold ones. Their hotel room was spacious and well appointed if not specifically luxurious. Ann cashed in on three birthday promises from her grandparents, who were more than thrilled to spoil their only granddaughter with a mini-break. Of course they were under the impression that it would involve lounging on the beach with her roommate and not clubbing all night. But then what granny didn't know, couldn't hurt her.

Lily glanced over at Ann as she finished her right shoe and moved to her left. Her stomach twisted painfully with a feeling she knew all too well. She knew she looked good, but no one could hold a candle to Ann, especially when she made an effort. Ann's silky chestnut hair was up in an elegant bun. Her skin was lightly tanned, her cheeks sun-kissed and her long legs, the desire of every man she encountered, were shown off beautifully by her little black dress. Lily loved her friend. And she knew Ann had designed this trip specifically for her but she couldn't help feeling jealous. She knew they'd have fun tonight, but it would hurt a little when every guy that approached would make a beeline for Ann, or, even worse, pay attention to Lily simply to get Ann's attention. A small part of Lily, a very small part of which she was desperately ashamed, even resented Ann for being a pureblood. There was a tiny voice in the back of Lily's mind that kept unhelpfully reminding her of an ugly truth: had their blood status been reversed, Lily would never have been fired. The second she acknowledged the feeling, though, Lily quashed it, her face heating with shame.

"Hey," Ann said, looking up for the first time, as she finished putting in her earring. "You alright there?"

Lily's face flushed even more, her skin now matching her dress. "Oh yeah, just thinking about what I'm going to do about work when we get back." She fibbed.

Ann stood up, her outfit now complete. "Well cut it out! No worrying tonight!" She grinned and Lily nodded, standing up too, her shoes now securely fastened.

"Right." Lily agreed, and grabbed her purse. She grabbed her wand and muttered a spell, invisibly enlarging the purse. She stuck her hand out, and Ann handed her her wand. Lily opened her purse and placed both inside. It was comical to watch two objects, each almost a foot in length, fit so neatly in Lily's tiny evening bag.

"Ready to tie one on?" Ann asked, eyes dancing with excitement.

Lily grinned. "Aren't I always?"

* * *

"Wormy, Moony, you know I love you, mates, but if you think I'm going to spend the whole night betting on Quidditch then you're absolutely barmy!" Sirius muttered, toying with his half-empty lager as Peter placed yet another bet.

"Come on, Sirius!" Peter whined. "It's a close game and I know the Magpies are going to win this one!"

Remus observed Sirius calmly, before smiling. "Look, I'll stay with Pete. You guys go ahead. Go meet some girls." He said mildly.

James hesitated. "Are you sure? I don't want to just leave you guys here."

Remus waved his protests away. "Look, somebody's got to watch Pete. Remember that time he tried to mortgage his mother's house?"

They all grimaced except Peter who was far too engrossed in the match.

"But –" James started to protest.

Remus smiled kindly. "No buts. The whole point of this trip was for you to go blow off some steam. And besides, Sirius is a far better wingman then I!"

"No arguments there." Sirius put in smugly. James rolled his eyes.

"Well if you're sure." James conceded, downing the last of his own beer. "Look we'll be at the club across the hotel lobby. The Myrtle. Just come meet us when it's over."

Sirius had never been a patient man and with freedom so close to his grasp, what little he did have was finally spent. "He's sure." Sirius said before Remus could even reply. He grasped James by the arm and practically dragged him out of the pub.

"I think I can manage walking on my own." James grumbled and eye Sirius' hand that was still gripping his arm as they walked through the lobby. "Plus it will be pretty hard to meet girls if they think we've come here on a romantic weekend for two."

Sirius practically threw James across the room as he let go of him. James laughed and dusted himself off. They entered the Myrtle moments later, a much more comfortable distance having been established between them (twenty-five inches) and walked to the bar where they could more easily peruse the situation. It was not yet eleven and the club was not nearly as crowded as it would be in the coming hours. The Apellons, a current favorite of magical clubs, played loudly over the Wizarding Wireless and waitresses zoomed around on Comet StarSavers, obviously a sponsor of the club.

James and Sirius stationed themselves at that bar and after a few quick glances provided little in the way of promising leads, they turned to the barkeep.

"Two firewhiskeys, straight up." James ordered.

"James, I like mine of the rocks." Sirius reminded him.

"Well then order that. Those are for me." James said simply. Sirius stared at him silently for a moment, blinking in shock before letting out a huge whoop.

"My best mate is back!" he cried and turned to the bartender. "Three firewhiskeys, on the rocks, please! We're celebrating!" The bartender looked completely unfazed, probably from years of people 'celebrating' in his presence and he fetched the drinks.

Somewhere between drinks two and three Sirius let a low, appreciative whistle.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here?" He said.

James followed his gaze and nodded in appreciation at the object of his interest, two girls slightly younger then themselves, took a circular booth across the room. James looked at them with unabashed interest. The taller one was clearly the prettier of the two, and she had that cold, aloof look of a girl who was well aware of her own attractiveness. Everything from her tiny dress, to her perfect hair had been designed with the intention of highlighting just exactly how desirable she really was. The second of the two was shorter by a good four inches, even in heels, and while not as classically attractive as her friend, there was something nice about her, soft almost. James liked the way her cheeks dimpled crookedly when she smiled. And while he had never gone for redheads before her hair was alluring, inviting almost.

"I call dibs on the brunette." Sirius said. James stifled the urge to roll his eyes.

"Fine by me." James said, and meant it. To his thinking it was almost a gift. The redhead was bound to be an easier lay, uglier girls always were. Sirius turned to the barkeep to order two girlier drinks and James shoved five galleons towards him. Sirius handed one of the drinks to James and they walked to the table.

"Ladies," Sirius said in his most charming voice. "May we join you?"

Lily looked up in surprise as she heard a male voice. It wasn't that men never approached her and Ann when they went out, it was just that it usually took more then three minutes. They had barely gotten settled when the guys had shown up.

"Of course," Ann said smoothly, before Lily even got a good look at them. Lily started to scoot away from the booth to make room for both guys on Ann's side when she realized one of them was moving to sit by her. He was tall, a little more then six feet and had messy black hair. He wore glasses and was dressed well, in navy blue, tailored suit. She was especially taken by his hazel eyes; the green and brown swirled around intermingling in his irises.

"James," he said holding out his hand. Lily took it and smiled.

"I'm Lily," she said, "and this is my friend Ann." She gestured to Ann who nodded encouragingly.

"And I'm Sirius," Sirius said and grinned broadly. "So where are you girls from?"

* * *

Lily was beginning to feel a bit light headed. She was entirely sure what round of drinks they were on but she did think that both boys seemed to only get cuter as the night wore on. Suddenly James' arm fell around her shoulders as he gestured to the nearest zooming waitress for another round. Far from uncomfortable Lily grinned and then did something completely out of character. She stood up, extended a hand to James, and smiled the smile she'd seen Ann flash a thousand times before. A smile that oozed sex. Ann watched her in amazement as she dragged a grinning James onto the dance floor…by his necktie. Soon they were swaying in the middle of a very large, very drunk crowd.

"You're friend is…" Sirius coughed. "very friendly. "He watched the whole thing, amused and pleased. This was, after all, exactly why they had come to Luxus.

Ann watched James grab Lily by the hips and they began to gyrate with abandon. She raised her eyebrows. "So is yours." She said coolly.

* * *

Lily wasn't really sure of the time, or, for that matter where she was, and the room seemed to blur past her. "Okay I have one!" a familiar voice said sloppily and Lily turned her head a little too quickly to latch onto the voice. It was Ann. "I dare you," she said pointing messily at Sirius. "To jump into the pool with all your clothes on!"

Lily burst into giggles and covered her face, shrieking slightly as she almost fell off the bench. James barely reaching out in time to catch her.

"Fine!" Sirius cried jumping to his feet. "Away I shall goooooo!" he cried slurring the middle bit of the sentence. They all rushed to follow him.

* * *

The room was spinning. There was music everywhere. People were laughing.

"So what are you doing here?" Lily cried over the music.

"I have to… uh marry to somebody!" James cried back, more jumping to the music that dancing.

"Get married?" Lily supplied.

James nodded a little too vigorously, threatening to land them both on the floor.

"To who?" Lily called back, holding onto him, the room was spinning dangerously.

James grinned and shrugged.

Suddenly Sirius was laughing really hard. Lily tilted her head, trying to focus her vision. Was he wet? How did that happen? . "Oh Merlin, do you know what would be so funny?" Sirius cried.

* * *

BEEP

BEEP

BEEP

"Sirius shut the fuck up!" James cried. Lily's eyes shot open. She looked over at James and screamed. James jumped out of bed so fast he left the sheets behind.

BEEP

BEEP

Lily scrambled to her bedside table where she had put her wand. She grabbed it and gave it a small wave, silencing it. She tossed it back to the table. Her entire body hurt but she barely had to register the pain as she became acutely aware of the naked man standing six feet from her.

"Alarm." She said by way of explanation, drawing her knees to her chest, careful to have sheet cover her. She covered her eyes and handed James a pillow to cover himself up. He accepted it gratefully.

"James." He reminded her cautiously, furiously trying to remember the night.

Her face was bright, bright red. "Yeah I remember." She said, feeling her body discreetly under the sheets for clothes. No luck.

For a moment James looked relieved. "You do?"

"Well your name anyway." She said quietly, going through her evening as best she could, breathing deep in an attempt to stay calm. "Why, do you?" she looked at him hopefully.

He shrugged miserably. "Well I remember meeting you, Lily" he put in quickly as though to prove to her he knew her name. His voice had cracked on 'you' and he knew the panic was apparent in his voice. "And I think we had a few drinks."

Lily snorted. "Uhh I think we had the whole bar." She gripped her throbbing head, partly out of pain and partly out of shame.

"Right, er, well then, er, I guess we shagged." James finished lamely, when suddenly a glint of gold caught his eye. James felt as though he had been punched in the stomach. He couldn't breathe. His heart was racing so hard it was painful. He took a deep breath and tried to calm his pounding heart. "Lily,"

"Hmm?" she asked, her head still buried in her hands.

"What's that on your hand?" he asked, terrified to look down at his own hands.

"What do you mean?" she asked looking up and then she saw it too. She stared at it, horrified. There it was. The worst thing possible, sitting calm as could be on the fourth finger of her left hand.

"That -" James gulped painfully. "That wasn't there before, was it?" James whispered, ashamed that he was actually hoping he had shagged a married woman. Of course it was certainly better then the alternative…

She shook her head and met his eyes. Very, very slowly they both looked down at  
James' left hand, which was clutching a pillow to his privates.

Lily nearly burst into tears. There it was, a wedding ring on James' fourth finger. James saw the tears gather in her eyes and felt fairly certain that of all the one night stands he had ever had, or that Sirius had ever had or that anyone since the dawn of time had had, this was clearly the worst. one. ever.

All of the sudden there was a knock at the door. "I'll get it," James said. "I'm already up anyway. Would you…uh…mind?" he asked gesturing to his naked body.

Lily shut her eyes dutifully.

"Just a moment!" James called to the door, slightly panicked as he thrust on his slacks and put on his undershirt, not even caring that he pulled it on backwards. He walked to the door. In the most horrible confluence of situations ever stood all three of his friends as well as a girl he recognized as Lily's friend.

James hesitated, unsure if he should tell them all to leave or if he wanted to jump into Remus' arms and beg him to take him far away from here. Unfortunately, neither Ann nor Sirius were the type to wait for someone else to make a move they pushed past him without another thought.

"I needed to get to my stuff." Ann said curtly. "Not that sharing a room with three complete strangers wasn't a blast, but I fancy a shower."

"And Remus insisted we all come get you." Sirius said resentfully, holding an ice pack to his head with one hand and holding a bottle of water in the other.

Lily's entire body was lobster red as all these strange men entered her room. She was suddenly aware of just how thin the sheet she was wrapped in really was. Fortunately, Ann took pity on her.

"Everyone turn around please." Ann said authoritatively offering Lily a pair of jeans and a shirt from her suitcase. Once she was sure everyone had their eyes trained the opposite direction, Lily took the proffered clothes and sprinted to the bathroom. She emerged a minute later, fully dressed and sat on the bed next to Ann, who looked nearly as hung-over as Lily. Although Sirius took the cake on that one, his skin actually looked green.

Remus spoke first. "Well, James, care to explain yourself now?"

James mind raced with confusion. What else had he done?

Remus eyed James oddly. He looked over to Sirius and then Ann. They all looked completely clueless. Remus was beginning to feel seriously alarmed. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. Everyone exchanged confused looks. Remus handed the paper to James. James took one look at it and his heart sank completely. Any hope he once had was now completely gone.

"What is it?" Sirius asked, trying hard to avoid the sunlight that currently splitting his head into two pieces.

"It's a marriage license. " James said softly and handed the paper to Lily who looked absolutely heartbroken.

"What?" Ann cried. "Let me see that!" she ripped the paper from Lily's hands. "What? It says I was a witness. I don't remember that!" but then something flashed in her head - music, Ann twirling down the aisle throwing roses haphazardly. Her hands flew to her mouth, dropping the license in the process. "Oh!" she cried.

"I can't believe none of you remember!" Remus cried. "You gave it to me for safekeeping!"

"Remus why didn't you stop up?" James asked, looking pained.

"I wasn't with you guys. Pete and I went to look for you after the game but you weren't at that club so we went to bed." Remus said. "We're we stayed till you lot stumbled in at four AM."

Peter nodded. "It's true."

Lily vaguely remembered the escalating game of truth or dare. Sirius still smelled faintly of chlorine. She sighed and gently picked the license off the floor at Ann's feet. She stared at for a moment. "Your surname is Potter." She said softly.

James nodded.

"Mine's Evans." She said.

"Not anymore," Sirius muttered and Remus elbowed him hard in the ribs. "Ow Moony!"

Lily face colored.

"So what are you guys going to do?" Ann asked after a moment had passed. Lily and James locked eyes for a moment and they both shrugged.

"I don't know." They said.

And they didn't.

* * *

**A/N** – There we are, a nice proper long chapter. I hope you guys got a kick out this chapter! Next time we deal with the aftermath, deals are made, alliances are formed and relationships are staged. Oh my!

Thanks so much to Potterslittlesister, horse-james-book-lily-worm, ladyjade, mei fa-chen, sarahluebahdoo and walking-on-a-dream for reviewing.

Potterslittlesister – I hope you're liking the story as much as the summary!

LadyJade – Thank you so much, your review was very flattering and I appreciate the details in your review. I'm also glad that you are a fan of proper grammar. Unfortunately, I think it's a disappearing art!

Walking-on-a-dream – the first couple of chapters were lacking in exposition but that was by design. I wanted to get to Luxus as soon as possible. This chapter is a much better barometer for the amount I usually use, and I hope you liked it!!

So thanks again for reading and please review!!!


	4. I've Got No Illusions About You

**As Is**

**Chapter Three**

**Subtitled:** _I've Got No Illusions About You_

**Quotation:** _"Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory." – Abraham Lincoln_

_

* * *

  
_

"This is heavy." Ann breathed, sitting on the bed opposite Lily.

Lily's hands were shaking badly. The room was clean and bright and the tropical bedspreads seemed garish in light of the current situation. The boys had left a few minutes earlier, with a promise from Remus that they would talk later.

"What am I going to do?" Lily whispered, staring at the glittering ring on her finger. "I can't afford a divorce. I'm broke and lawyers cost money."

Ann was drumming her fingers lazily on the bedside table. Her eye caught Lily's ring. She stared at it for a moment before her eyes suddenly lit up.

"What?" Lily cried seeing the look on Ann's face.

"Let me see that ring?" Ann said holding her hand out.

"What? Why?" Lily asked.

"Just give it to me!"

Lily looked at her oddly but pulled the ring off her finger and placed it into Ann's outstretched palm. The large diamond sparkled in the sun. Ann held it between in her forefinger and thumb, gazing at it in the sun. She gasped.

"What?" Lily asked.

"Lily…" Ann whispered. "This thing is real!"

"What?" Lily cried jumping up.

"This ring is real. It must have cost thousands of galleons!"

Lily took it from her, inspecting it closely itself. "Are you sure?" she asked.

Ann snorted scornfully. "This is me, Lily. You think I don't know a real diamond when I see it?"

"Whoa." Lily said, sitting back down heavily.

"Do you know what this means?" Ann asked, beginning to pace, excitement building.

"That I'm now several thousand galleons in debt?" Lily said, feeling worse all the time.

"Don't be ridiculous. Lily, you could have bought that ring. You disabled the charge function on your wand a month ago!" Ann said. "James must have bought it." Ann added to herself. Her mind was working furiously. "Potter…Potter…James Potter…" muttered. "Why is that name familiar?"

"Oh my god!" Ann and Lily cried simultaneously.

"Baldwin Potter." Ann said. "The landowner…he owns half of Britain… you don't think?"

"I...I don't know. I never wrote for the society pages at the Prophet. I know he has a son who works in the ministry but that's all I know. I never really paid that much attention when Laura was talking about her columns at the staff meetings. Who's wearing the latest Archne Weaver design never interested me much." Lily said, her heart fluttering painfully.

"Oh honestly Lily! You manage to stay awake through seven years of Professor Binns but not a simple staff meeting? Merlin's beard! Have you no sense of self-preservation?" Ann cried, exasperated.

Lily narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "What are you suggesting, Anwen? That I divorce him for his money? What kind of girl do you think I am anyway?"

"Ok after last night's escapades do you really want to go there?" Ann asked, eyebrows raised.

Lily blushed. "That was different! I'm not a gold digger!" she cried, leaping to her feet, indignant.

"Oh calm down," Ann said dismissively. "I'm not suggesting that you divorce him for his money. I'm suggesting that you marry him for his blood!"

Lily stared at her in confusion. "I'm sorry, what now?"

Ann threw up her hands in exasperation. "Look, the Potter's have purer blood then anyone alive. They could protect you. You're married to James Potter, which makes you a Potter, which means –"

"They could get me my job back." Lily whispered, breathless.

Ann rolled her eyes. "You really have no imagination, do you? Yes, Lily they could get your job back! They could make you the bloody editor-in-chief!"

For a moment Lily felt warm with hope but suddenly reality came crashing back. "I don't know Ann. I can't marry someone just for his blood status. That's just as bad as the Prophet firing me for mine."

Ann sat down next to Lily and took her hands in her own. "Yeah but here's the thing. Under normal circumstances I would agree. But," she said, placing particular emphasis on the last word. "You're already married and getting unmarried would be far more trouble then simply going along. I mean think about it. You consummated the marriage so you can't get an annulment. You don't have enough money for a divorce attorney. So the way I see it is this: Option A you get divorced. You are then not only unemployed but also several galleons in debt to the attorney AND a divorcee before your twentieth birthday. Or Option B you get your job back and live quite comfortably with an heir to a very large fortune."

"We don't even know if he is Baldwin Potter's son." Lily pointed out, though Ann could see her resistance waning.

Ann grabbed Lily's ring and held it up, allowing the sun to bounce off, making rainbows around the room.

Ann raised her eyebrows. "Does it matter? He's clearly very rich. We know he's a wizard. Our wizarding world isn't that big, Lils. How many rich Potters do you think there are in Britain?"

"But you're from an old family, how come you never met the Potters' son as a child?" Lily asked, desperate to find some whole in this scheme, afraid she'd give up and go along with it after all.

Ann sighed. "I forget sometimes that you're a muggleborn."

"You're the only one." Lily muttered.

Ann glared at her but ignored it. "Before Hogwarts wizarding kids are home-schooled, remember? Besides, I grew up in Wales. All my grandparents' friends are Welsh. It's not like I used to pop over to Brighton, or wherever he's from, for Sunday dinner! Besides it's not like there is some pureblood children's clubhouse! At least not amongst decent people." Ann added darkly.

"Did they even go to Hogwarts?" Lily asked. "I don't remember them."

"I think I remember Sirius, though not the others. I think they were a couple years ahead of us and in Gryffindor." Ann said, trying to remember. She and Lily had mostly kept to themselves in school. As Ravenclaws they spent the majority of their time in the library and neither had any interest in Quidditch.

Lily sighed, her heart beginning to beat painfully. "How on earth am I going to convince him?" Lily asked, looking at Ann in panic.

Ann pursed her lips. "That might be a little more difficult but not impossible. Just…let me think."

* * *

"God I have really don't it this time!" James cried, throwing a quaffle across the room narrowly missing Peter's head who was staring at a chessboard opposite Remus.

"Hey!" Peter cried. "Watch it!" he tossed it back.

"Sorry, Pete." James muttered, though he didn't sound it.

"Can we keep the yelling to a bare minimum please?" Sirius moaned from the other bed, clutching his head. "I'm never going on another bender again."

Everyone snorted.

"I've heard that before." Remus said grinning and took Peter's rook with little ceremony.

"Christmas, fifth year." James said, finally cracking a smile.

"Halloween sixth year." Remus added, studying the board.

"Every New Years since puberty." Peter said, gigging and moved a pawn.

"Har..Har…Har… you lot are hilarious." Said Sirius, still huddled up on the bed. "Just because a bloke likes to have a little fun…"

James and Remus locked eyes and started laughing, though Remus' laughter stopped short as Peter triumphantly took his bishop.

"Yes, my pain is hilarious." Sirius muttered bitterly. "At least I'm not married!"

James groaned as any vestige of amusement left him. "What am I going to do?" he said desperately.

Sirius sat up in surprise and looked at him, still holding a cool washcloth to his head. "I don't follow. What do you mean what are you going to do? Yesterday you had a problem and today you don't. If anything I'd think you'd be celebrating right now." He said sullenly, his head still pounding painfully.

James blinked twice at him in confusion. "Are you completely mad? Are you sure you didn't follow those firewhiskeys with some drugs? Why in Merlin's name would I be celebrating? I just married a complete and total stranger!"

"Who is not Eleanor Parks." Peter pointed out.

"Man has a point." Sirius said, sitting back, satisfied.

"Who is not a lot of people!" James cried. "I don't know the first thing about this girl! She could be a complete lunatic! She could be a galleon digger!"

"Unlikely since she didn't even know your last name until this morning." Remus said calmly.

"Although I'm willing to stand by the lunatic theory. I mean who marries a complete stranger, anyway?" Sirius asked, grinning wickedly.

James chucked a pillow at his head though Sirius managed to catch it despite his dulled reflexes.

"Oh come off it James. It's like a gift! You would never have married some girl you didn't love if you were sober. You have to marry someone so you probably would have married Eleanor which, let's face it, would have been a death sentence for everyone involved – including us. So I say, why go through all the trouble of a divorce from a perfectly attractive girl just so you can turn around and marry Eleanor!" Sirius said, looking completely unperturbed.

James raised his eyebrows in shock.

"I'm with Sirius. Why waste the money. Besides it's just till she pops out a kid and THEN you can have your divorce." Peter said, not even looking up from the chessboard. "You'll be done with this thing by twenty-one, twenty-two tops leaving you sixty odd years to fall in love."

"Unless you have lazy swimmers like you dad," Sirius added thoughtfully. "Then it might just be fifty odd years."

James glared at him. "Remus!" he implored. "Surely you think this is insane!" he looked to his friend hopefully.

Remus sat for a moment, chewing his lip, deep in thought. "I don't know…" he said slowly. "I know this whole thing is insane, Prongs, but even a total lunatic would be better then Eleanor. At least then you have a 50/50 chance for a marriage that isn't totally miserable. I mean you know you hate Eleanor. And you don't know yet about Lily. Besides," he grinned before he could help himself. "At least we know she's not boring!"

James' mind worked furiously as he tried to work it all through.

On one hand, if Remus saw the merits, then the situation couldn't be all bad.

On the other hand, it had been Sirius' idea in the first place which was never a great argument for reasonable decision making.

On the other hand he really, really hated Eleanor, and Lily was pretty in an unusual sort of way.

On the other hand he didn't want to get married at all.

But on the other hand he HAD to get married and he was, quite conveniently already married without any of that church fuss.

After a rather ridiculous struggle, the realist in him prevailed. The bottom line was that he did have to get married and he already was married so the whole thing was sort of a moot point. James hedged for a moment more before throwing up his hands in surrender. He couldn't believe he was about it to say this. "Let's just say, for the sake of argument that I was willing to go along with this. How would you all suggest that I convince my lovely wife to go along with it?"

"Charm the pants off her," Sirius said boredly, his attention waning. "It's not like it didn't work before."

"Padfoot!" Remus admonished. "James, it would be totally unfair to deceive her. Simply tell her the truth. If it doesn't work out, fine, at least you tried to make the situation work."

James nodded, seeing the reason. "Yeah, that certainly sounds like the better of the two plans. "

"And if that doesn't work, just tell her you're rich." Pete added.

James chuckled and shook his head.

"Actually," said Remus completely serious. "Scratch my plan, Peter's is way better."

James rolled his eyes. "Forget it, mates. I'll wing it"

* * *

James sat nervously in the lobby watching the seconds tick by slowly on his watch. He had told Lily he would meet her at six for dinner and it was almost five past. For a horrible moment he panicked, thinking she might not show but then he saw a flash of red across the lobby. She was walking towards him. She looked pretty in a cream blouse and purple skirt and he tried to ease his twisting stomach. He still had no clue what he was going to say to her, but that sort of reassured him that he was normal. It wasn't exactly common knowledge what to say to a complete stranger when you were trying to convince her to stay your wife.

When she was steps from him he stood up and he smiled. "Hello." He said as confidently as he could.

"Lo'." She muttered, smiling bravely. "Sorry I'm late. I…I got help up." She finished lamely, images of Ann running around the hotel room with last minute advice flashing in her brain. She suppressed a smile.

"Shall we?" he asked, offering her an arm and his most charming smile.

She hesitated for a moment for accepting it. She wasn't exactly used to men offering her their arms. If he noticed her hesitation he didn't show it and he lead her the twenty feet to the restaurant.

"Reservation for two." James said. "Potter."

The maitre d' glanced to the parchment in front of him and nodded smartly. "This way." He said and showed them to a table in the corner. Moments later a waitress appeared. James was impressed, the service was good.

"Can I get you anything to drink?" she asked, eyeing James appreciatively until she saw the rings on their hands, when her look soured considerably.

"A glass of the '76 Bordeaux, will do." James said smoothly, not even bothering to look at the wine list.

"And for your wife?" she asked coolly.

"Waters fine for me, thank you." Lily said politely, though she was seething with embarrassment. She'd just been called his _wife_. James' heart sank a little at her order. He was hoping to liquor her up a bit before his proposal. After all, it had worked the first time around. They sat in awkward silence for a moment while Lily's fingers twisted in her lap. She took a deep breath, mustering her courage. It was now or never.

"So I can't really afford a divorce. I've just been fired from my job at the Daily Prophet. I'm a muggleborn, see," she babbled so fast James could hardly follow. But she plunged ahead recklessly. "and I was a staff-writer but they fired all the muggleborns and so now I'm broke. And I know that isn't really your problem –"

James held a hand to stop her. This was incredible. He could hardly believe his luck. She had just handed him his argument for staying married. His fixed his features into a look of compassionate concern.

"I've heard about all those firings. It's really horrible." He said, and for the most part he meant it. It was disgusting that people were being fired because of their last name or blood. Unless you were Malfoy or a Black of course, in which case he thought the practice ought to be promoted.

"Look," he said taking a deep breath. "I can help you. My family is…." He searched for the right word. "Well-known, I can get you your job back. We'd have to stay married of course but…" he let himself trail off casually.

For a moment the knots in Lily's stomach loosened and hope began to fill her but then it stopped. She started at him for a moment, eyes hard. That had been easy, far too easy. She knew she shouldn't say anything. After all, who cared about his motives? She would be safe wouldn't she? But she couldn't stop herself.

"Why would you want to stay married to me?" she asked suspiciously. "Don't take this the wrong way, but what's in it for you?"

James' eyes widen slightly in surprise. She was smart. He hadn't counted on that. Though they'd spent several hours together the night before he hadn't exactly been plumbing the depths of her intellect. He smiled as the waitress brought him his wine. A little liquid courage never hurt. He took a sip. He chose his next words very carefully. And sighed a sigh that he hoped sounded pained.

"My parents are pressuring me to get married. Family's image and all that," he waved his hand about loftily. Lily stared at him skeptically for a moment until a memory flashed in her head.

_The room was spinning. There was music everywhere. People were laughing. _

"_So what are you doing here?" Lily cried over the music._

"_I have to… uh marry to somebody!" James cried back, more jumping to the music that dancing._

"_Get married?" Lily supplied._

_James nodded a little too vigorously, threatening to land them both on the floor._

Lily shook her head. She couldn't remember getting married but that she remembered. She turned her focus back to James.

"And the woman they have in mind" he continued, "…well let's just say I'd rather be dead."

"You'd rather be married to a total stranger then this girl?" Lily asked blankly, her eye brows raised.

"Well you haven't met this girl, believe me, she's a nightmare." He said and despite herself, Lily giggled. Lily paused for a moment, thinking. Finally she nodded her head.

"Ok." She said.

James took a deep sip of wine and laughed nervously. "Okay then, we're…uh…we're married."

"So how is this going to work?" Lily asked after another rather awkward moment.

"How is what going to work?" James asked staring at her in confusion.

"Where are we going to live, what are we going to tell people, who are you? You know, stuff married people know." Lily said, in exasperation.

"Oh right," James said, blushing for the first time. "Well where we're going to live won't be a problem. We can stay at my flat until my parents meet you, at which point there's house in London I was promised once I got married."

Lily smiled. "How nice for you." She said wryly.

"Actually," James said, holding up his ring finger. "how nice for us." He said and Lily nodded in agreement. "As for what we're going to tell people, well," he paused for a moment as his old marauder skills came roaring back to life. It had been a few years since he had had to think of a convincing lie on the fly. "You used to work for the Daily Prophet, and I work in International Affairs so…we met last year at the Foreign Correspondents Dinner and have been seeing each other quietly last spring. You aren't a fan of big weddings so we eloped to Luxus with only our closest friends. "

She nodded her head in appreciation. "I must say, I'm impressed." She held up her glass to toast him.

"Well what do you say we finally order and have some dinner?" he asked, suddenly exhausted from all the intrigue, what was exhilarating at twelve was exhausting at nineteen.

"Fine by me." Lily agreed. "We can iron out the details later. The most important thing is that it look real."

James nodded. "I agree."

Lily sat back and sighed with relief, for the first time in twenty-four hours Lily felt herself relax. She sneaked a glance at her partner-in-crime and smiled. This wasn't so bad, and besides, didn't her mother always say that marriage was a partnership?

* * *

**A/N – Voila! I hope that wasn't too boring for everyone but I didn't want to rush it too much since it would be beyond ridiculous if the whole stay married question had been resolved in three sentences! Next chapter James and Lily attempt to get to know each other, we meet the Potters, and we find that sometimes, opposites don't always attract. **

**Thanks so much to PottersLittleSister, Mai, and Walking-on-a-dream for reviewing!**

**PottersLittleSister – you get loads of extra points for not only really long reviews but also TWO of them! ::cheers:: Now onto responses – Sirius did indeed get wet. He jumped in the pool as a dare, though now no one remembers it very clearly. We will definitely get a meet the potters scene though it's not going to be very truthful on any level ;)**

**Walking-on-a-dream – your review made me smile!**


	5. You Lie in My Face of All Places

**As Is**

**Chapter Four**

**Subtitled: **_You Lie in My Face of All Places_

**Quotation:** _"Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it" – Adolph Hitler_

_

* * *

  
_

Lily took a breath. In her eighteen years she had envisioned herself in many different places – a glamorous movie star, a rising star in the financial world, an award-winning journalist. Funny, but an unemployed wife to a complete and total stranger had never quite made the list. Not that she disliked James. That wasn't it. The truth was that in the seventy-two hours since she'd met him she'd learned very little about him. There wasn't anything to dislike….or like for that matter.

She knew he was a pure-blood heir to a rather sizable fortune. She knew he'd had glasses since early childhood and that he preferred red wine. From overhearing him with his friend, Sirius, she had gathered that he worked too much, drank too much and smiled too little – information that surprisingly failed to inspire her with confidence. And yet, there she was, a ring on her finger, standing before an entirely nondescript building that happened to house his – Sirius', flat. For one panicky moment, Lily seriously questioned her sanity.

She knew that as a Potter the tabloids liked to follow her – she swallowed painfully – husband. And so it was necessary to move in with him directly to keep up with charade. He had assured her before apparating home that the intrusions would be temporary, that even if the tabloids didn't waver in their interest, their new home would be much more concealed but she couldn't help it – she was scared. Lily wasn't shy, per say, but she was a very private person and the thought of her personal life, especially one that required a very energy-intensive act , being exposed to the harsh glare of the public was, well, terrifying.

She breathed deeply and forced a smile, painfully aware that James was staring at her expectantly.

"Ready?" he asked, holding one of her two boxes. The other Lily clasped tightly in her arms.

For the first time in years she was ashamed of how little she really had. It wasn't that her parents hadn't provided for her. She'd never gone hungry, always had presents on Christmas day, yet staring at one of her two boxes of personal items, Lily felt strangely pathetic.

James, however, was thankfully oblivious. He took her silence as an affirmative and walked into the building, Lily followed against her will.

He lived on the second floor and the flat was unnaturally clean. Lily stared about, feeling uncomfortable. Directly by the door there was a small end table on which was what looked like an antique bowl. He threw his keys into it far too roughly for her liking. She almost shouted in protest but the bowl was unhurt even as the keys clinked about almost violently. She took a deep breath and took everything else in. On her right was the kitchen with three stools at the island which connected the kitchen to the living room. There was no dining room table and the living room contained only a couch, a coffee table and a large, soft chair. The sparseness scared her a bit. The room hardly looked lived in.

To calm herself she ascribed most of the bareness to Sirius moving out hours earlier. He had helpfully moved into a nearby inn on James' dime until James' parents ponied up and provided their house.

"So...uh… make yourself at home." James said, gesturing about awkwardly.

"Thanks," Lily said quietly, feeling entirely out of her element.

"I'll just take this into your uh…room." James said, holding up the box as though to prove his motives were pure. She followed down the short hallway and into the first door, of three, on the right. Lily looked around a bit shocked. It was as though no one had ever lived there, let alone a teenage boy. The room was entirely empty but for a large bed and a wardrobe. The walls were a deep blue, the floors hardwood.

"Is it okay?" James asked looking a bit queasy.

Lily nodded, still a bit in awe and more then a little intimidated. She was hardly the neatest witch in the world and these boys were clearly freaks of nature.

"Is Sirius always this clean?" she asked, setting her box on the bed.

James snorted at the idea. "Hardly." he said, rolling his eyes. "I'm not even convinced he knows what the word means. A couple of my parents' house elves came in, packed him up and cleaned the place. And believe me it was a necessary evil because if they hadn't I'm not sure you would have been able to find the bed."

Lily felt unreasonably relieved. She hadn't relished the thought of living in a museum.

"So did they clean the rest of the flat too?"

James looked at her strangely. "No, just this room."

The relief left her in a flash. "Oh," she mumbled.

"Come on, I'll show you the rest before I head over to work." He said walking briskly out of the room and back into the hall. He stopped at the next door and held to open.

"My room." He said. Lily barely even got to look, however, when he shut the door and walked to the end of the hall. He showed her the small but tidy bathroom before walking back into the living room.

"So…I'm going to head out." He said and reached for his wand.

"See you later, then." Lily said but he was already gone with a small pop.

She sighed and looked around the empty, spotless apartment, suddenly at a loss. With a sinking feeling she realized that she had no clue what she was supposed to do all day. She couldn't really clean since it seemed James had that market cornered. She'd scarfed down a muffin at her old apartment before James had picked her up so cooking was pretty much out of the question. She turned and walked into her new room and began to unpack.

It was going to be a very long day.

* * *

James stared down at the parchment, his stomach twisting. His ring was beginning to burn a whole through his hand. What on earth was he supposed to write? He leaned back and tousled his hair, nervous tick he had picked up at school. Grabbing a quill he set to work before he lost his nerve entirely.

_Mum and Dad, _

_I hope you are both doing well. I was wondering if you were free for dinner tomorrow night. I have some very exciting news. Hope everything is good!_

_Love,_

_James_

He signed his name with a flourish and folded it up before he could have a chance to reread it. It was better to say as little as possible until he saw them. He gestured soundlessly to the owl in the corner, who hooted softly and glided over. James handed the owl the letter. "To my parents," he said, getting up to open the window, which the owl promptly flew through.

James glanced at the clock. It was ten to seven. It was time to go home to the old ball and chain. He grabbed his cloak from the hat stand in the corner and stuffed some extra work into his briefcase. He paused at the door before stuffing his left hand into his pocket. The secret would be out soon enough, but he wanted to be prepared before he answered the onslaught of inevitable questions. He strode out of his office and into the hallway, walking past what seemed an endless row of cubicles, most of which were empty as the majority of people had left around six. He said his good-byes to the few remaining stragglers.

"Night Potter!" a dark haired man called to him.

"Night Hanson, Jacobs." James replied smoothly, nodding to the dark haired man and the pretty young woman next to him. Sarah Jacob's face lit up and she grinned in response.

He reached the cavernous foyer of the ministry a few minutes later, stepping off the half empty lift and walked to the nearest apparition point. James usually just apparated right into the house, but this time he decided against it and instead popped one uncomfortable moment later to the door to his flat. He put the key in the door and opened, and unfamiliar smell greeting him. It wasn't unpleasant, exactly, just different. He looked about for a moment, confused, trying to find the source and found Lily standing in the kitchen opening several white cartons.

"Hello," she said pleasantly. "Good day?"

James nodded. "It was fine. What is that?"

Lily's cheeks colored slightly. "Oh, well, we didn't really have any food in the house so Ann brought some Chinese over on her way back from work."

"Chinese…" James stared at her blankly for a moment.

"Chinese food." Lily said, looking a bit as though he had just asked her what exactly breathing was. She held up a carton as proof. "Haven't you ever had Chinese food?"

James wasn't sure why, but he felt a little embarrassed and he didn't like it. "Well, no." he bristled defensively. "Is it a muggle thing or something?"

Lily looked crestfallen. "Oh," she said softly. "I guess it is. I'm sorry. I thought everyone liked Chinese. It seemed like a safe choice to me." She had forgotten that she'd introduced Ann to it the summer after their second year at Hogwarts.

"Well why didn't you just go to the market and buy some food?" James asked, sounding a good bit harsher then he should.

He didn't know why he was so annoyed by this but he had a very set routine and didn't much like being forced out of it. He was accustomed to coming home every night and eating a quick dinner with his best mate. He was accustomed to being relaxed in his own home. He had no idea how to act around this girl. James had had so much practice getting girls that he had never stopped to think how to treat them when he actually got to keep them. Being unsure made the usually extremely confident James very uncomfortable.

And he didn't enjoy being uncomfortable.

Lily's pale face turned shockingly red. "I didn't have any money…" she muttered. "Ann bought all of this." She gestured weakly to the cartons.

Looking at her James felt like an absolute asshole and he could just see the headlines of the next London Snitcher flash through his mind.

_Heir to the Potter fortune forces new bride to live in abject poverty…._

_Newest Potter forced to rely on handouts from generous friends…_

He shuddered at the notion.

"Right, I'm sorry about that." He said stiffly. "And handed reached into his pockets, pulling out a key ring. He slid a shiny, spidery gold key off the ring and handed it to her. "Here." He said. "It's the key to the Gringotts vault."

Lily hesitated. "James, I can't take that. It's your money."

"Well actually it's our money. And besides, we can't rely on your friends to feed us every night." He said as lightly as he could, trying to reclaim the part of himself that used to be charming around women. Unbidden the image of Sarah Jacob's lustful smile came to him. He grumbled to himself.

Maybe it was just this woman.

He forced a smile and took a plate of food that Lily offered and sat down at the table. She sat opposite him. He took a bite and found himself pleasantly surprised. His meat, though an odd brown color was sweet and tangy.

"It's good." He said and she smiled back, relieved.

"See, I told you everyone like Chinese!"

He started to respond when there was a sharp tap at the window. The both looked up and James recognized his parent's owl. Like everything else the Potter's owned it was old, distinguished and completely nondescript. After all no one likes a show off, especially a rich one.

"I'll get it," James said, jumping up and opening the window for Volsenus, who flew in quite gracefully, landing lightly on James' shoulder, a letter in his talons. James fetched a treat for the owl, took the letter and sat down again to read it. He recognized the creamy parchment immediately and after breaking the blue wax seal he was greeted by his mother's delicate, almost lace-like handwriting.

_James,_

_How lovely to hear from you! We weren't expecting letter for a week at least. I do hope everything is all right at work. Your father told me that Neal is very pleased with the work you have done on the French embargo, especially considering what a nasty business the whole thing is. _

_We would love to meet you for dinner tomorrow. Would six-thirty be acceptable or would it be an insufficient amount of time to come from work? Your letter was a tad cryptic, dear. We're both eager to know exactly to what you were referring. We'll expect you in the evening. _

_Mum_

James saw Lily's questioning face but got up to grab a bit of parchment and a quill.

"Are you free at six-thirty tomorrow?" he asked as he searched for some ink. Lily stared at him in confusion.

"Well, sure. Why?"

James didn't answer at first but instead scribbled in response and strode to Volsenus, who promptly flew out the window again.

"Because we're having dinner with my parents." James said.

Lily looked like she was about to throw up. "But we're not ready!" she cried, startling James. Lily wasn't usually forceful. "I…I don't know anything about you." She added, her voice considerably more measured.

James chuckled dryly. "Don't worry about it, neither do they."

Lily wasn't amused. She glared at him and his smile died. "I thought we were going to try to make this look real. If I've been in love with you for the past year I think I would know a bit more about you."

James sat down rubbing his ring thoughtfully. "Ok." He said finally. "What else do you want to know?"

"Do you have siblings?"

"Nope only child."

"Where did you grow up?"

James cocked his head. That was a little harder to answer. "Well our main house is in the lake country. We also have homes, though, in Bath, the highlands and a couple in London. "

Lily raised her eyebrows and glanced around the small flat. She laughed mirthlessly. "Did they cut you off or something?"

James rolled his eyes. "No, I just didn't need a mansion for just me and Sirius. My turn. Brothers and sisters?"

"One sister, Petunia she's sixteen."

"What do your parents do?"

"My dad is insurance and my mom died last year."

"Oh…I'm sorry." James said awkwardly.

Lily shrugged, eager to change the subject. When she suggested they learn as much about each as possible she realized that she had meant about his past and not hers. She quickly changed the subject. "Thanks. So you what house were you in?"

And so it continued. They talked for several hours and James was surprised by her thoroughness. When he thought about it later that night as he lay alone in his bed, he probably should have known she'd have an intense attention to detail. She was, after all, a reporter. And reporters were nothing if not meticulous.

* * *

They arrived in front of a stately brownstone at exactly half past six. The wind was biting especially for early October and Lily pulled her emerald cloak tightly about her.

"Ready?" James asked and she realized he was holding a hand out to her. Lily stared at it for a moment confused. So they were going to make it look really real. She reached out and took his hand as he knocked with the other. A moment later a small, fuzzy house else opened the door.

"Welcome master!" she shrieked.

"Hello Lucy," James said kindly. "Are my parents at home?"

"They're waiting for you in the front drawing room." Lucy said and James nodded walking into the huge marble foyer, his hand still clasped firmly around Lily's. Lily tried not to gasp as she looked around, trying to convince herself, unsuccessfully, that the Da Vinci hanging to her left was a copy. Before she could look around any further, James drew her down the vast hallway ahead of them and turned into a room in the left.

The room, though large, was warm – almost cozy. The walls were wood paneled with two entire walls covered floor to ceiling with bookcases. There were two leather couches and burgundy upholstered arm chairs clustered around a crackling fire. The snug atmosphere was jarring after the sterility of the entrance and it took Lily a moment to register the two other people in the room. A man with gray hair sat at a large cherry desk in the corner, writing furiously. And directly in front of them sat a woman with a book in her lap, her gray hair pulled into an elegant bun at the nape of her neck. The woman was impeccably dressed in a gray skirt and cream blouse. Hearing them enter, she placed the book on her lap and looked up, smiling.

Though the smile never faltered, Lily saw the woman's eyes flicker between herself and James and down to their clasped hands.

"James," she said smoothly, standing up with a grace Lily couldn't even attempt and kissing her son lightly on the cheek. "How lovely, you've brought a friend."

At this, the man in the corner turned around in his seat and then stood up.

"And a pretty one at that!" he boomed cheerfully and walked over, shaking James' hand. Lily immediately liked him. He had none of his wife's quiet elegance, but he had a quality Lily had seen only a few times before – he was completely comfortable in his own skin, a self-assurance that couldn't be taught.

"Mum, Dad I'd like you to meet –"he paused for a moment as though trying the word on for size. "My wife."

The silence was deafening.

The Potters exchanged shocked looked. "I'm sorry, son. I'm not sure I heard you. Did you say your wife?"

To Lily's surprise, James put his arm around her and kissed her head affectionately. She had to hand it to him he was good. Determined to hold her own she looked up adoringly and stepped away from James her hand extended.

"Lily Evans…well it was anyway." She said, giggling and shooting a smile over her shoulder to James.

Shocked though they might be, the Potters were nothing if not well mannered and recovered quickly.

Mrs. Potter took her hand warmly and led her to the couch, "We had no idea James had was even seeing anybody." she said looking reproachfully at her son who shrugged sheepishly. "This is all rather sudden. How long have you known each other?"

"Well we met at the foreign correspondents dinner last spring. " James said, sitting on Lily's other side, placing a hand on her knee.

"Oh are you in international affairs, as well, Lily?" Mr. Potter asked, settling into the second couch.

"No actually, I'm a reporter, or I was." She said.

Mrs. Potter raised a single delicate eyebrow.

"Lily's a muggleborn and you know how the Prophet feels about that." James said darkly, exchanging a look with his father who looked rather disgusted. "Although it ended up working out rather nicely for us considering Lily wrote for the political section."

"We wanted to keep it a secret until I could get a transfer because it was clearly a conflict of interest." Lily continued their perfectly rehearsed story. She squeezed the hand on her knee for extra emphasis.

"Well we do understand that, don't we dear?" Mrs. Potter said.

"Course, of course!" Mr. Potter agreed cheerfully. For a moment Lily was strongly reminded of Professor Slughorn.

"Although I am sorry we missed the wedding." Mrs. Potter continued looking pointedly at her son.

"I'm so sorry, that was my fault. I just couldn't wait any longer and we eloped on the spur of the moment." She smiled lovingly at James.

Mrs. Potter softened considerably at the lovesick look on Lily's face.

"No matter." She said. "If we can't have a wedding, we'll just have to throw a little party!"

"Mother do you –"

"Nonsense, James." She cut him off curtly. "You've denied me the chance to throw a wedding for my only child, you will not deny me a reception. Besides, how else will we introduce our lovely daughter-in-law to all of our friends?"

"Oh I think you'll manage." James muttered under his breath. Lily suppressed a laugh.

"What was that?" Mrs. Potter's eyes narrowed.

"I said, I think Lily's famished. I can hear her stomach rumbling." He said more loudly. Lily swatted him playfully.

"Oh of course you are! How very rude of me." Mrs. Potter stood. "Come Lily, lets go into the dining room and you can tell me all about this silly business with your job. Honestly, sometimes I think complete amateurs run the Prophet."

Lily allowed herself to be drawn into the next room wondering idly if the Potter's had a wine cellar. She had a feeling it was going to be a long night.

* * *

**A/N – and there you have it! Next chapter we get the party, the gossip column and James shows his true colors – to bad results. Should be up by Christmas Eve! Thanks to PottersLittleSister, mai, mei fa-chen, jimsox149, paili-chan for reviewing!!!**

**Potterslittlesister – there is definitely a spark although tension can be both bad and good. They have a lot in common just don't know it…yet.**

**Please Review! It means a lot to me. And if you hated this chapter, thats okay too! Just tell me!  
**


	6. You Can't Hide Behind Social Graces

**As Is**

**Chapter Five**

**Subtitled: **You Can't Hide Behind Social Graces

* * *

_Blind item: Which playboy pureblood has finally tied the knot without his parent's knowledge or permission?_

_The Potter heir's surprise wedding to mystery girl…_

_Inside the tropical wedding of James Potter and his new bride…_

Peter dropped all three newspapers on James desk with a thud.

"I've already seen all of them." James said dully. "The papers quite helpfully send me a copy whenever they print anything about me."

"Sort of defeats the purpose of the Prophet's blind item, doesn't it?" Sirius asked, sitting back and putting his feet up.

"This may come as a shock to all of you but when I come into this building, I'm expected to work, that is why they call it that." James sighed, though he knew it fell on deaf ears.

His mother had run his wedding announcement in the Prophet the day before and no one, including his friends, had left him alone since. Poor Lily couldn't even leave their flat, the press were so bad. Plus his mother was adamant that no one should see her until her grand debut. Probably so she could control what outfit Lily was wearing the first time her picture was plastered all over the papers.

Remus held up a frame and smirked. "Cute."

"Give me that!" James growled and yanked the frame away from him. His mother had also taken the liberty of getting one of the announcements she had sent to her friends framed.

_Mr. and Mrs. Baldwin Potter are pleased to announce the recent wedding of their son, James Baldwin Potter to Lily Elizabeth Potter nee Evans on October 4__th__. _

_Please join in celebration at our home this Friday at seven pm for cocktails and a light supper. _

_Responses requested _

Evidently you were supposed to frame a wedding invitation, but as his mother icily reminded him, since they had so thoughtlessly neglected to invite anyone to their wedding, the invitation to the party would just have to do. James rolled his eyes at the memory. All the woman wanted was for him to get married, he finally does and she takes issue with how he did. Although he supposed it could have been worse. She could have taken issue with who he did it with. Fortunately his mother adored Lily, which was more then he could say for himself.

"So how are things with the little woman?" Remus said lazily, playing with his wand.

James grimaced. "It's…complicated. I don't really want to talk about it."

Sirius burst out laughing. "That bad, huh?"

"It's just a little awkward…" James said. "Truth is we haven't spent all that much time together."

"Secret to a good marriage. " Sirius agreed sagely.

James chose to ignore that. "Yeah…well…you guys coming to the party?"

Peter grinned. "Please, like we would miss that."

Sirius looked giddy with anticipation. " It's going to be a night to remember."

James sincerely hoped he was wrong.

* * *

James opened his flat door and gasped in absolute shock. He stepped slowly.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me." He whispered in disbelief. The floor of his usually spotless living room was almost invisible beneath a sea of clothes. Dresses, shoes, slips and cardigans were strewn haphazardly around the room. He picked up a red silk dress that lay on the nearest chair.

He hated mess. It drove him absolutely insane. Where had all this stuff even come from? "Lily!" he called.

"Just a minute!" her voice was muffled behind her bedroom door. She stumbled out a moment later, face flushed. For a moment James' breath caught in her throat. She was stunning in her navy blue dress. The hem barely brushed the floor. "What's up?" she asked, stumbling slightly in her heels. Her voice brought James back to reality.

He shook his head. "What is all this?" he asked, gesturing around himself to the piles of dresses.

If it was possible her face turned even redder. "Oh, James, I'm so sorry. I'll take it all back. I just…I couldn't go to the store with all the paparazzi outside the flat. So I just had Madame Malkin send me everything in my size. But I promise I'm going to return everything. I know it's a lot of money."

James could have laughed. She thought he was mad about the expense?

"I don't care about that. It's your money to do with as you please. I meant the mess." His voice tight with annoyance.

Lily blinked at him twice. She was never going to understand this man. It was all backward. He didn't care that she had spent several thousand galleons on dresses she was never going to wear but a few clothes on the floor and he looked like his head was about to explode.

Suddenly she felt inexplicably angry.

He sulked around the place with his panties in a bunch. He hardly ever said two words to her. She had never met such a self-righteous, surly, spoiled….

"Oh for Christ's sake!" She cried, striding across the room and grabbing her wand. She muttered a spell and all the clothes rose from floor and floated back into her bedroom. A moment later the door shut and they were back in the spotless room.

"Happy?" she asked coldly, her eyes flashing dangerously.

"Ecstatic."

"We have to leave in fifteen minutes." She turned on heel and marched back into room, the door shutting with a slam.

James put his head in his hands. The woman was completely insufferable. She had come into his life completely unasked, thrown his whole world upside down. She was messy, impulsive, and temperamental. He knew it was irrational to resent her…but it was easier to hate her then to hate himself.

And besides, too much self-reflection could be very messy and if there was one thing James hated, it was a mess.

* * *

They apparated at 7:05 to the Potters' backyard, though it was more of a manicured garden then a typical yard. They walked in chilly silence towards the backdoor. Lily tumbled slightly as her heels caught on uneven patch of ground.

James reached out automatically to steady her. "Try not to fall on your face inside…" he muttered as they began to climb the steps to the house.

"God forbid I embarrass you." said Lily acidly as James raised his hand to knock on the door.

As the door opened, the space between them closed and James' arm was wrapped so tightly around her shoulders that it hurt a little bit.

They grinned at Lucy and had barely stepped in the door when a shrill voice greeted them.

"Good gracious, Master!" Lucy cried stepping forward and yanking them in. "You're late, Mistress will be so angry."

_So some things are genetic, _Lily thought wryly.

"I'm very sorry, Lucy, I ran a little late from work." James said.

"No, matter. Come, some of the guests have already arrived. " She said and scuttled out of the kitchen and into the exquisite marble hallway Lily knew so well, her brown feet padding silently on the floor.

James sighed and offered Lily his arm without looking at her and they followed those clicking heels resolutely.

The ballroom was halfway between the kitchen and the dining room where Lily had eaten previously. Before she had time to dwell on the sheer size of the Potter mansion – and there really was other name for this place – they walked into the ballroom.

"You're late," Mrs. Potter hissed through her perfect smile, swooping in from nowhere.

"Sorry, mother." James said through his own smile, kissing her dutifully on the cheek. "I got held up at work."

"Jackson, have I introduced you to my new daughter-in-law, Lily? And of course you remember my son James?" Mrs. Potter said, sweeping them towards a fat, balding man in a tuxedo, ignoring James' apology altogether.

"I don't believe you have. Why she's even prettier then you said."

And so it began.

An hour later James had said hello to every person his parents had ever met and their spouses. At some point he had gotten separated from Lily, though that was no hardship. It was, however, beginning to look a bit odd as this was, after all their wedding reception – a reception that had been thrown because they were too in love to wait for a church wedding. He scanned the crowd for a few minutes, glad for his height. He found her across the room and paused.

The light played off of her red hair, making it shin, almost sparkle. She was talking to his father's accountant and seemed to be enjoying herself. She had to hand it to her. Mr. Jacobs was unendurable in the best of situations. After a few drinks he made you contemplate suicide. And yet, as James watched her, he was in awe of her easy charm. She was so clumsy, so shy around him that it had never occurred to him that she would hand such a situation with ease. She had been fine in Luxus, of course, but he had attributed that to the alcohol. He also couldn't ignore the looks men were sending her, and felt an unfamiliar feeling bubble in his stomach.

"Alright there?" A friendly voice asked and James turned to find Remus and Peter behind him. He sighed with relief.

"Oh thank Merlin, I thought you lot had bailed."

"Nah, your mum just made us promise we'd let you mingle for a bit." Remus said, eyes twinkling.

"And you quite helpfully agreed?" James guessed, rolling his eyes. "Where's padfoot?"

Peter pointed over James shoulder where he saw his old friend chatting with a very pretty blonde. He shrugged. "Least someone's having fun."

"We'd better get over there before the former Mrs. Potter joins the club." Remus said darkly.

James followed his gaze in confusion until his saw it. Eleanor Parks was about five feet from Lily and getting closer every second.

James cursed under his breath and moved through the crowds with Remus and Peter hot on heels. Eleanor was already there, with Mr. Jacobs and Lily when he arrived.

Eleanor was the sort of girl you really wanted to feel sorry for, if only she weren't so completely irritating. She had limp mouse-brown hair, and a head that was a little too big for her shoulders, and a habit of clearing her throat at awkward intervals.

"Oh James!" she cried delightedly and threw her arms around his neck. "How lovely to see you." Over Eleanor's shoulder James could see Lily raise a single eyebrow in amusement as she sipped her campaign. James couldn't help thinking that it was a good thing she was beautiful since she was almost as annoying Eleanor.

Eleanor pulled back from the hug and placed a hand on James' shoulder in a move that was supposed to be flirtatious. "I was just about to ask your lovely bride when we could expect the newest little Potter!"

Lily's face grew pale. "Excuse me?" she asked.

James turned to Eleanor in horror.

"Well, that is why he married you after all. Everyone knows the Potters take forever to conceive." Eleanor smiled, a mean glint in her eye. "Well it's been a gas seeing you, but I see my boss. Best go say hello. Kiss kiss!" she said giving them air kisses and disappearing into the crowd

Remus, Peter, and James turned to stare after her in complete disbelief.

"Hell hath no fury…" Remus muttered under his breath. James turned back to answer when he saw Lily who was shaking with silent fury.

Remus saw it even before James. "Mr. Jacobs, have you tried the lobster rolls?" he asked, grabbing Peter and leading the accountant away.

"Is there something you'd like to tell me?" Lily asked, so quiet James was afraid.

"Lily, I can explain –"

"Oh, Lily, good I found you!" Mr. Potter burst in. "I wanted you to come talk with my old friend Hager Handler, you know, you're old editor-in-chief. Come this way, dear." Mr. Potter said leading her away but not before she shot James one last look of cold contempt.

Twenty minutes of more inane conversation passed before a soft but distinct tinkling was heard in the air. The room slowly silenced. His mother and father rose elegantly from the center of the room, as though floating on thin air.

"Thank you all for coming," His mother said in her normal speaking voice, her wand held to her cheek to magically amplify it. "Would my son and new daughter please come forward?" she asked, scanning the crowd for them. James pushed gently through the crowd to the spot from which hi s parents had risen, Sirius punching him genially as he went. Lily approached from the opposite direction meeting him in the center. They began to rise and James suppressed a chuckle as Lily almost screamed. She started to glare but became keenly aware that several hundred eyes were upon them and instead reached for his hand.

Everyone broke into applause as they joined his parents in the air.

"We couldn't be more pleased to welcome Lily into our family, " Mrs. Potter continued.

"Or that James has finally been tamed!" Sirius cried from the audience, a ripple of laughter following.

"Our irrepressible second son, James' best friend Sirius." Mrs. Potter said charmingly to polite applause, though her forehead was creased in annoyance. "As I was saying, Baldwin and I are absolutely tickled to finally have a daughter,"

"Especially such a beautiful and intelligent one!" Mr. Potter cut in.

"So to our darling son, James and his beautiful new wife we'd like to give them a place to start a family of their own!" Mrs. Potter said and handed James a large key. He took it ceremoniously and turned to grin at the thunderous applause, reaching out to put his arm around Lily's shoulder, her smile frozen solid on her face. But she swallowed her pride and kissed James on the cheek.

A single arm shot up with sparks. Lily jumped slightly in surprise.

"Yes, Hager." Mr. Potter said pleasantly.

"I was going to wait to tell the new Mrs. Potter at work tomorrow, but since this a night of celebration, I'd like to share some news now!" Hager said, looking carefully cheerful.

Both of Lily's new in-laws turned to her with pleased smiles. She had to hand it to the Potters, they were actors, the lot of them.

"We've missed Lily so much since she's been on her honeymoon," Hager continued, Lily suppressed a snort – _honeymoon indeed_. "That we've decided to promote her to senior staff writer of domestic affairs!"

The applause broke out again. Lily thought her face would break from smiling. She didn't know why she felt so miserable. There she stood – well, floated – in this beautiful house that was more hers then anyone else, with not only her job back but a promotion, and yet she felt disgusted, and dirty - even.

She continued to smile, just waiting for the night to end.

* * *

**a/n – well James and Lily certainly aren't getting along, and Lily may have her job back but that heir thing sure throws a wrench in his plans. I hope you all enjoyed the party. **

**Next time we get Sirius and Ann back again, James reverting to his pre-lily ways. And Lily's return to work. **

**Please review!**


	7. I Just Trip Over Things

**As Is**

**Chapter Six**

**Subtitled:** _I Just Trip Over Things_

**Quotation: _"_**_When mistrust comes in, love goes out."_

* * *

Lily fumed as she strode through the door, her keys landing angrily in the glass bowl.

James shut the door behind them tiredly. It was already past one and they both had work in the morning but he knew that any hope he might have had of going straight to bed had disappeared hours ago. He leaned against the counter, ready for her.

Lily took off her heels almost violently and turned to face him.

"So Rumplestiltskin, were you going to tell me I owed you my first born son, or were you just going to wait for the immaculate conception to take hold?"

"Lily –"

"I don't want to hear it! I can't believe you didn't mention that small little factor. It was never even about your parents, was it? You just needed a kid!" Her face seemed to glow with anger.

"I was going to –"

"And by the way, your behavior, not exactly the best way to get me into bed!"

"It worked the last time." James muttered before he could stop himself.

That was the wrong thing to say.

"Lily, I'm sorry. That just slipped out." He said, absolutely horrified.

Lily's eyes were wide with shock, angry tears threatening to spill over.

"You are unbelievable." She whispered. "You selfish, self-important prick! I have never been so humiliated in my whole life tonight and you have the nerve…the nerve…" she couldn't finish her sentence she was so upset.

She was crying now

James felt horribly ashamed. He knew it was his fault that Eleanor had said that to her.

He knew it was his fault for not telling her the truth himself sooner.

He knew he should never have said what he just said.

Guilt filled him but, as he stared at her crying silently, he felt furious and resentful. He had been perfectly fine until she came along. He never felt a moment's grief, and then suddenly Lily bleeding Evans with her decentness and annoying cheerfulness shows up and he couldn't do anything right.

And who was she to complain? She may not have known about the whole baby thing but it wasn't like he didn't hold up his end of the deal. She got her job back didn't she?

"Oh come off it!" he cried. "You got your job didn't you? You got a bloody promotion even!"

She looked at him, her face hard.

"Yes," she said coldly. "I suppose, I did. But if you think that that job is worth a baby you're not just selfish you're fucking crazy. I don't think I will ever be as embarrassed as I was tonight."

James met her eyes for only a moment but the hate in them stunned him.

He needed to go out.

Now.

He turned around and grabbed his newly shed cloak and the keys in the bowl.

"Let's test that theory, shall we?" he asked curtly and shut the door behind himself, trying his absolute best to tune out her sobs as he walked away.

But some things even magic couldn't help with.

* * *

James spun his drink around in his hand, the dark beer sloshed slightly. He glanced impatiently at his watch.

They were late. In the corner a curvy blonde smiled coyly at him. He smiled back.

A hand clapped on his back and he jumped slightly.

"Alright there?" Peter asked softly, sitting on the stool on his right.

James shrugged. Sirius sat on his other side.

"Two firewhiskeys." Sirius said and sighed, turning to James. The light in the bar was low and the shadows flickered off his face. He looked awful.

"What happened mate?" Sirius asked, running his hands through his hair. It was late and James had dragged them both out of bed.

"Where's Moony?" James asked.

"It's the fifteenth. He's going to feel a little under the weather in a couple days. He needs his rest." Said Peter.

James put his head in his hands. "Of course. I can't believe I forgot."

"It's fine, Prongs. You've had a lot on your mind." Sirius said bracingly. The bartender brought him both drinks and he slid one past James to Peter. He took a gulp of his drink, feeling the fire spread down his throat. He shuddered and sat back. "So, want to tell us what's going on?"

"It's about Parks, isn't it?" Peter asked, taking a sip of his own drink and grimacing. "Merlin, Padfoot, what proof is this?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "What about Parks?"

"She told Lily about the heir business." James said dully, still fiddling with his drink.

Sirius sputtered, whiskey flying all over his shirt. "She did what?"

Peter nodded in confirmation.

"That stupid whore! Merlin she's beastly, isn't she?" Sirius cried. "I can't believe you didn't tell me, Pete!"

Peter eyed him warily. "Remus wanted to wait until we were in a less public setting!"

"You mean until she wasn't in hexing range?" he asked bitterly.

Despite himself, James smiled. "Well that too. Come on Padfoot, what good would it have done?"

Sirius shrugged, unconvinced.

"So Lily wasn't pleased?" Peter asked.

James downed his beer and gestured to the bartender for another. "That's putting it mildly."

That sat in silence for a moment, as James replayed Lily's face over and over in his mind. This was one time when he was glad he didn't have a pensieve.

"So what are you going to do?" Peter asked finally, taking another painful sip of his whiskey.

It was the last time he was going to let Sirius order for him.

"What do you mean, what is he going to do? Don't be barmy, mate! He's going to divorce her. That was always Plan B, wasn't it?" said Sirius without pause.

James raised an eyebrow at him. He wished he had an ounce of Sirius' confidence, or lack of morality. Life would be so much simpler.

He certainly wouldn't feel as guilty.

"On what grounds? She's done nothing wrong. Besides, we've gone public now." James said miserably, feeling unbelievably trapped.

"So what then?" Sirius asked.

James shrugged. "Dunno, but on top of everything else, I haven't been shagged in weeks." He was really feeling sorry for himself now.

"Welcome to my life." Peter said under his breath.

Sirius caught his eye. They exchanged looks behind James back, and nodded in agreement

"Well the whole bleeding marriage thing is over my head, but the shagging, now that's something we can do something about." Sirius said, grinning like he'd swallowed the canary.

"I'm flattered but you're not really my type." James said. "You as well, Pete, no offense."

Sirius rolled his eyes and downed his drink. "Bugger off, you arse." He said. "and save some of that cheek for the ladies, why don't you?"

James let out a sharp barking laugh. "Ladies, what ladies? I'm married and highly visible, remember?" he held up his left hand.

Sirius laughed again. "Right, like you're the only rich married man in all of England to ever sleep around. Besides, if you're not getting it at home you may as well get it somewhere."

"You're serious?" James asked, a little shocked.

"You know mate, it might make you a better husband if all your needs were taken care of." Peter said, smiling slightly.

James laughed. It was an absurd justification.

Not that that meant he wouldn't take it.

"Well alright, then." James said, shaking his head slightly and draining his beer. "If we must, then we must."

"Well it's after two, tonight. Come back to my place and we'll go out tomorrow after work and find you a proper bird." Said Sirius, who had already eyed the pickings at the pub and had determined them slim.

James laughed and pushed three galleons towards the barkeep.

He took a deep breath and found, for the first time in weeks, that he could breath and he liked it.

In the corner the blonde grinned deviously, quicksquill in hand.

* * *

Beep….

Beep…

Beep…

Lily groaned slightly and stretched her tight muscles, sunlight pouring into her room. She reached for her wand on the bedside table and swished it slightly.

It was time to get up.

She slowly pulled herself out of bed, unused to the early wake up after weeks of unemployment. She yawned and shuffled out the door, down the hall and into the bathroom. After brushing her teeth and washing her face she felt more awake if not strictly alert and walked back to room, to get dressed.

She pulled on her robes and then paused. The flat was silent. Eerily so. It wasn't that she and James usually had breakfast together or anything. In fact, he was usually gone by the time she woke up but today she was up at about the same time he should have been.

Something was definitely off.

She pulled on her shoes, deep in thought. He'd left late last night, but surely he had come home? She left her room and peeked into the living room. It was completely empty. She turned and walked down the hall, her heart thumping. She had never been in James' room before and she wasn't even sure why she cared. After his behavior she wasn't sure he didn't belong in some ditch somewhere.

But at heart, Lily was a good person and so she knocked. Silence greeted her. She hesitated and knocked one more. Again, nothing. Against her better judgment she grasped the doorknob and turned it slowly.

When there was no great cry of protest she opened it all the way. She looked around a bit, confused. The room was empty.

James' room was clean and comfortable. The walls were deep beige and he had a dark blue, almost black, duvet cover with matching pillows. The bed was made, not a tassle out of place. There wasn't a single sock or shirt on the floor, and only his broom, which stood against his wardrode seemed to lack a place of it's own.

For a moment she was ashamed of her own rather messy room, but then the previous night's events came flooding back to her. She clenched her fists angrily.

As far as she was concerned, good riddance to him and his secrets and his inhuman cleanliness!

If he was going to stay out all night like an angry teenager that was his prerogative.

He would have no more tears from her!

She shut the door and marched resolutely back to her room, grabbed her wand and with an angry swish and pop, disappeared.

The Daily Prophet had changed little in the few weeks since Lily had been gone. The grey granite interior was as clinical as ever. The floors were still abuzz with activity that echoed all the way down to the antechamber in which Lily was standing.

The Daily Prophet building stood eight stories imposing stories onto Diagon Alley, three buildings to the left of Gringotts when one was coming from the Leaky Cauldron.

The antechamber in which witches and wizards flooed and apparated held only a single granite desk in the far left corner. All eight floors opened up to the room, so that seven square landings of the same grey granite led up to the a shared ceiling, making the antechamber a sort of depressing courtyard.

From where she stood she could hear the flurry of quills and typewriters, and editorial meetings. She took a deep breath and reminded herself that though nepotism had saved her job, it hadn't gotten her it in the first place. She belonged there as much as anyone.

She thought.

She walked toward the desk and stopped in surprise. A witch she'd never seen before sat in her friend Emma's old spot.

"Where's Emma?" she asked rather rudely.

The witch, with obviously died black hair smiled snidely. "Cut backs." She said.

Emma had been a muggleborn.

"Name?" the witch asked, inspecting her nails.

"Lily Potter."

The witch smiled slightly, as though there were something amusing about that name. Lily felt herself bristle.

"They're expecting you on the seventh floor." The witch said, her eyes glinting with something indescribable. She pointed behind herself to the waiting lift.

Lily suppressed the urge to roll her eyes. She knew perfectly well where the lift was. She knew where all the lifts were, condescending twit. She walked into the lift and pressed seven.

"Domestic Affairs." A cool voice said, and Lily walked onto the floor. The room was almost manic with activity.

"I need the copy by eleven!"

"I told you, we need at least three photos you barmy git!"

"Well you tell him that he'll grant me an interview or I'll write the article exactly as I see fit!"

Lily felt dazed for a moment and then the adrenaline began to pump through her veins.

This was what she was born for.

This was what she had so desperately missed.

This was why she had married that horrid Potter."

"Oi, Potter!" Another voice called. Lily stood for a moment rather stupidly until she realized the voice meant her. She whirled around to find Aldrich Bancroft, the senior editor of Domestic Affairs, tapping his foot impatiently. "Nice of you to join us." He said coolly. "You know the news doesn't wait, not even for honeymooners."

Lily blushed scarlet. "Right," she said lamely. "Of course not."

He began walking and Lily, unsure of what else to do, followed him. If he noticed her hesitation, Aldrich didn't show it.

"So you missed the editorial meeting." He said, taking a piece of parchment that was handed to him as he walked.

"Sorry my old department met at eight." She said, struggling to keep up.

"Well I don't know how they do things in art and leisure, but around here we report real news." He said acidly, still moving at a feverish pace, taking pieces of parchment and handing them back as he walked. "We meet at seven every morning, unless I need you earlier."

"Yes, sir." She said, confused as to how it was they were actually running through the department, weaving between cubicles, dodging angry journalists and insistent photographers.

"There are eight other senior staff writers in the department, your desks are over there." He said pointing, though Lily felt it was a bit silly as they were going to arrive at the desks any second anyway.

She was right.

"This is your desk." He said, pointing to the only clean one in a row of four that directly faced another row of four. The second from the left was hers.

"This is Brinely Cynric," he pointed to a balding man in his thirties who sat to her right.

"Daisy Chad," he pointed to a woman with wildly curly red hair, who didn't even look up from her parchment as she scribbled furiously.

"You'll meet the others later. They're out actually reporting." He said, giving Brinely and Daisy a look.

Lily had the distinct impression that the pair of them had done something less then pleasing to _Herr _Editor.

Before she could think any further he had taken off again, gesturing for her to follow.

"Below you there are twenty-four junior staff writers." He gestured vaguely to some of the people scrambling around. "Below me there are four junior editors and twenty copy editors. Submit a story to the junior editors before me and keep your writers in line. You've been paired with Demelza Claiborne for your first piece. When she gets back, she'll fill you in. Any questions?"

Lily shook her head.

"Well then get to work!" Aldrich cried and Lily gratefully scurried off. She sat at her desk and took a moment. She grabbed her quill, feeling it's delightful weight in her hand.

Finally, something was going right.

* * *

Lily got back to the flat at ten past eight. Her whole body ached. She pushed open the door, balancing her huge stack of parchment on her hip. She placed her keys in the bowl and the parchment on the table and sighed, stretching her neck.

"Hard day?"

Lily turned around so fast she almost fell.

"Jesus, Ann. You nearly gave me a heart attack."

"Sorry," though she didn't look it. "When you didn't show up I got worried."

Lily ran a hand exhaustedly through her hair. "Oh my god. Ann I am so sorry. I completely forgot. It's been a terrible forty-eight hours. The party was a complete bust, James didn't come home last night –" she cut herself off, looking at Ann questioningly.

She shook her head. "He's not here. I checked."

Lily nodded. "He didn't come home at all," she amended. "And work has been beyond insane. It's my first day and Demelza, my lovely partner, had me track down seven leads in three hours."

Ann just stared at her, still angry.

"I am sorry though, I should never have forgotten. That was awful of me." Lily pleaded. The last thing she needed was for her best friend to be angry with her on top of everything else.

Ann studied her face for sincerity before softening. "It's alright. What's the story about, then?"

"Apparently the deal between Gringotts and the Ministry might fall through."

"About the over printing of galleons?" Ann asked, her interest piqued now.

"Yeah, it's complicated, and I can't really go more into it then that, unfortunately. But that's the basic gist."

Lily sat down next to Ann on the couch and sighed. Despite herself, she glanced at the clock. James was usually home by now. Not that it mattered, she assured herself, because it didn't.

She got up and walked to the fireplace. She swished her wand and fire roared to life. The crackling and flickering calmed her nerves. There was something hypnotic about fire. And as tired as she was, it was not great feat to zone out.

"So what happened with the party and James?" Ann asked after a moment, pulling Lily from her comfortable nothingness.

Lily sighed, grateful to finally talk to someone but unwilling to live it all over again.

Eventually her loneliness won the day. She told Ann about his ridiculous neatness obsession, about how high strung and anal he was, about how she feared a little bit that she only disliked him because he hated her so much, and then, finally, as the fire was dying down, about how he had lied to her and how much it had hurt her.

* * *

Lily woke up alone a little after ten am to a light tapping. She stretched out on the couch and breathed in deeply. She and Ann had stayed up until the early morning when they had both, finally drifted off to sleep.

She sat up fully and surveyed the room, trying to identify the tapping noise. Her eyes eventually went to the window where a small owl was tapping insistently, if patiently.

Lily jumped up and let it in. It glided over to the kitchen table and dropped two newspapers before flying out without payment. Lily picked up the first one, _The Titillating Tattler _and then the second _The Verita. _She sighed.

It must be coverage of that dreadful party. Against her better judgment she glanced at the _Tattler_. Expecting some horrible description of her mother-in-law's home. She scanned the page and then…her heart stopped.

_Magical Wedding Doesn't Stop Potter Heir from Working Magic on the Ladies_

She knew she shouldn't but she couldn't stop himself.

_Despite having only been married a few short weeks to his claimed soul-mate, pure-blood heir James Potter wasted no time in returning to his playboy ways. Just hours after his lavish wedding reception at the home of his parents, Baldwin and Eleanor Potter of the shipping fortune, among others, James was seen at pub with friends planning his adultery, a credible source tells the Tattler. As if this weren't despicable enough, the next night, the handsome wizard showered local hot spot Abracadabra with galleons as he romanced a pretty brunette. His school mates, Sirius Black (of THE Blacks) and Peter Pettigrew accompanied him. (continued page 4)_

Lily needed to only glance at the _Verita_ to know its contents.

_Wizarding World Sweetheart Performs Disappearing Act on New Bride._

She felt like she was going to be sick. How was she going to show her face in the office ever again?

She stared at the papers in horror for several minutes before her heard the lock click in the door.

James stumbled in, disheveled. He smelled strongly of alcohol and his white shirt, two sizes to large for him as it had been borrowed from Sirius, had red lipstick on the collar.

Her eyes focused on the collar and she reeled from him, feeling as though she might throw up.

She was going to be the laughing stock of the office.

Surely, it was better to be unemployed then pitied.

She grasped both papers and hurled them, turning and running into her room.

James stared after her in shock. His sluggish mind working to figure out what had happened. He stooped unsteadily and picked up the paper.

He'd really done it this time.

* * *

**A/N – Well I hoped you all enjoyed!**

**Thanks so much to the following reviewers Mei fa-chan (x2), whitecamellia, mai, tabbycat1220**

**Potterslittlesister – I'm sorry I didn't reply last time but I wanted to get chapters up as fast as possible. I'm so glad you liked the parents scene and now you know about the party!**

**Whitecamellia- oops, oh well. Yeah I forgot Petunia was supposed to be older. ::looks sheepish:::**

**Lily and James are like a fever in this story, they sort of have to get worse before they can better. But I have a feeling the fever's about to break ;)**

**Next time – Lily feels the full force of her humiliation and makes some hard choices about her future and Mrs. Potter quite helpfully, for once, intervenes. **

**Comments, questions and criticisms are always welcome. I write the story for you guys so if there's something that worked or didn't work let me know!**

**Please review !**


	8. What Scares Me

**As Is**

**Chapter Seven**

**Subtitled:** _What Scares Me_

**Quotation:** _"Revenge is a dish best served cold"_

* * *

Lily's head spun as she walked into work, yesterday's headlines still playing unmercifully in her head. She sat down at her desk numbly.

She didn't know what to do. She knew she should leave him. She knew she _had _to leave him. As a woman, hell as a person, she had to have some self-respect.

He had lied to her from the start. That much was clear. And perhaps, what was worse, was that she couldn't quite wrap her mind around _who _James Potter was.

That first night she met him he had been carefree, interesting and so cute but then, in the cold light of day, he'd turned into a completely different person. He seemed incapable of any kind of openness or intimacy. He was this brick wall of secrets.

And frankly, she'd never been very good with a sledgehammer.

She sighed and twiddled her quill. That was all there was too it, then. She was leaving him.

Tonight.

"Alright there, Potter?"

Lily's head snapped up. Foster Levi, the man who occupied the desk opposite her had spoken. She met his eyes and blushed, keenly aware of a blond curl falling into his eyes.

His very cute eyes.

Foster had been a seventh year when she was in her second and even then he had been incredibly cute. Ann, in particular had lusted after for ages, even after he'd graduated.

He saw her blush and his blue eyes twinkled with amusement, which only made her blush harder.

"Oh yes," she said, suddenly alert. "I was just thinking, is all."

"About Daisy?"

Lily stared at him in confusion. What about Daisy? Daisy was the stroppy redhead who sat two desks down from Lily. She turned towards Daisy and then jerked back slightly.

Daisy's desk was completely empty, not even a quill in sight.

"What happened?" Lily asked, though she knew the answer.

"Cutbacks." He said grimly, his jaw set in annoyance.

"But, but she was a half-blood." Lily whispered, almost in shock. Her blood ran cold in her veins.

"There are half-bloods and there are half-bloods. Well according to some people anyway," he added darkly. "Both my grandmothers were muggles, so technically I'm a half-blood. But I was raised by a witch and a wizard so I'm safe…for now."

For now….

The words echoed in her mind.

"Nothing else is going to happen to them, right?" she asked, though her whole body rejected the "otherness".

_What's going to happen to me? _She added silently, fear paralyzing her.

Foster shrugged. He looked to his left and right before leaning forward until he was mere inches from her.

"There are theories, rumors really." He whispered.

Lily leaned forward, her heart pounding in her chest, threatening to break free.

"What kind of rumors?" she whispered back, not entirely sure she wanted the answer.

Foster shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"They're just rumors," he warned.

She nodded, barely breathing.

"They say that there have been arrests…"

Lily's brow furrowed in confusion.

"I haven't heard anything about arrests. And we're the press! If anyone should know, it'd be us!"

Foster raised his eyebrow and Lily felt a bit like the time he'd caught her running between classes.

"Come on, Potter. If they were really arresting people because of their blood status, do you really think the ministry would come over and tell us about it over a cup of tea?"

Her heart almost stopped. Of course. He was right. If the ministry were arresting people over blood status, it wasn't like they'd march over an announce it. She looked up at him, her eyes filled with fear.

"Don't worry about it, Lily." Foster said with forced cheerfulness. "You're a Potter, if anyone's safe. It's you."

Lily smiled back weakly, but her whole body had turned to jelly. The cold, hard truth spread over her like ice water. She swallowed a painful lump in her throat.

She couldn't leave James.

Not now.

Not ever.

* * *

The October wind slowly turned to November rain and Lily pulled her cloak warmly about herself. She had spoken to her last source on the Broomstick story. She just had to pick up some books for James and then she was meeting Ann at the office for dinner.

In the weeks since her wedding reception she and James had reached a sort of détente.

They weren't friends.

She hadn't forgiven him.

But they had reached a sort of impersonal roommate status. Which, considering the size of their new house, was actually quite easily achieved. Since they each had a floor of bedrooms to themselves, her mess and his cleanliness never bothered either of them anymore.

And she knew he went out most weekends, and she knew most of those weekends he slept with other women. Occasionally a piece would show up in one of the gossip rags about it, but James usually threw them out before she could even see them.

Which, considering, was really the least he could do.

Thankfully, most of her colleagues were kind enough not to let on about the situation.

Well some of them were kind.

She actually had it on good authority that Foster had fired two junior staff writers for gossiping loudly about her. Though he told her later that day he fired them because of slander that could have turned into libel.

She thought it was a clever play on words for a journalist.

At any rate, most people left it alone. Occasionally she saw some of the girls smile knowingly at each other when she walked by but this was bearable and no worse then some of the girls she'd gone to school with.

Besides, she would rather be mocked for being cuckold then for being next on the pure-blood chopping block.

She pushed open the door to Flourish and Blotts, grateful to get out of the miserable pounding rain. The store was almost empty, but as it was almost ten minutes to closing she didn't find that particularly surprising. She walked up to a greasy man in an apron that she didn't quite recognize.

"Hello," she said brightly, still shaking off some of the rain. "I'm here to pick up some books that my husband ordered."

The man eyed her skeptically. "And your husband is?" he drawled.

"James Potter. I believe he order some books on Quidditch."

The man stared over her shoulder for a moment before his eyes grew wide with recognition and he grinned, laughing softly to himself. "Right away, _Mrs. Potter_." He said snidely and disappeared into the back.

Lily turned to follow his gaze and saw a magazine on the rack with a large picture of James and an unnamed blonde stumbling out of a club, Sirius close behind. Sirius waved happily at her and blew her a kiss, James, however ducked behind the blonde and looked around in confusion.

"That's right, James." She muttered. "You better hide."

The greasy salesman came back with his horrible grin.

It wasn't enough her colleagues mocked her, but now complete strangers were having a go too.

Lovely.

She signed quickly for the books and snatched them from him, leaving as soon as she could. She opened the door to find the downpour worse then ever. She started to put the books under her cloak and thought better of it…grinning evilly.

Almost ceremoniously she held them out into the rain and then placed them over her head, the rain sloshing noisily on the covers.

She sincerely hoped they were unreadable by the time she brought them home.

* * *

Ann drummed her fingers boredly on Lily's desk. Whatever fantasies she'd had about the excitement of a newsroom had evaporated within minutes of her arrival. As far she could tell it was frenzied, angry and entirely too messy for her comfort. Everyone looked tired, and was covered in ink.

She looked down approvingly at her own spotless purple silk blouse. Thankfully she'd chosen a more sensible career.

Banking.

It combined the two things she loved most in the world – money and power suits.

There really was nothing better then a fit bloke in a tie. She smiled at the thought when a flash of red caught her eye and she looked up to find Lily looking like a drowned rat.

"You know Lily dear, they have invented a few handy ways for us witches to avoid the rain." Ann said, as she eyed Lily warily.

She was dripping much too close to the silk blouse for comfort.

Lily rolled her eyes and put four sopping wet books on her desk. Ann raised an eyebrow.

"I don't want to push it, but there's a spell to repel water too, Lil." Ann was beginning to get a bit worried.

"They're James'" Lily said, as she pulled out her wand and dried herself, pointedly leaving the books to mildew.

Ann immediately felt better. This was something she could get behind. A tall blond in walking towards them caught her eye.

She knew that mop of hair. How did she know that mop of hair?

"All right there, Lily?" the dashing blond man asked, hand on Lily's shoulder. He smiled at Lily affectionately.

Ann's eyes refocused for a second. "Foster Levi?" she asked finally, a little stunned.

Foster turned to her, clearly trying to place her. "I'm sorry –"

"This is my friend Anwen Alford, she was in my year at Hogwarts." Lily said.

Foster raised his eyebrows a little shocked. "I don't mean this the way it sounds, but you look like a completely different person."

Ann laughed her magical laugh. "I'll take that as a compliment."

He smiled kindly at her but immediately shifted his focus back to Lily, something that wasn't lost on Ann. He was asking Lily a question but Ann wasn't listening. She was far too busy observing.

Foster was very cute, obviously smart, and quite clearly into Lily. Ann considered herself a master of body language and Foster's screamed 'let me take you to bed'!

Lily always underestimated herself. She was quite cute and more then that she had that petite thing going on that made blokes want to jump in front of a curse for her.

Ann watched for a minute debating. Foster liked Lily, that was nice, but was it useful?

She saw Foster touch Lily's arm, and Lily did not pull back.

Ann's breath caught in her throat.

Oh no, this was too good.

* * *

The door to Lily's brownstone opened without any urging and a house elf in apron stood there.

"Hello Mistress. Master is in the dining room."

"Thank you, Angie." Lily said as she and Ann walked past her down a cream hallway and took the fifth right.

"Hello James." Lily said politely and grabbed an apple from the fruit basket on the middle of the table.

"Hey." Ann added, helping herself to a piece of cake that Angie had helpfully set out for her.

"Hey guys." James said, setting down the paper he had been reading. "Nice article about the Gringotts inflation."

Lily smiled. "Thank you." She took a bite of her apple.

"Are you guys going to eat?" he asked, his own plate half eaten.

"Wish we could, Jamsie. But we already ate. We stopped for pizza." Ann said, ruffling his hair cheerfully, blissfully ignoring his grimace.

"Oh James, before I forget. Here are the books you wanted." Lily said, smirking, and pulling out four warped, partially dried books out of her bag and placing it by him with a thump. "Sorry. It was really coming down out there."

He looked shocked and she was loving every second of it.

She followed Ann into the hallway before he could say anything.

"Later James!" Lily called, following Ann into the hallway and then over to beautiful cherry stair case.

Sometimes Lily had to pinch herself. This really was _her _home. The staircase was covered with plush, scarlet carpet. The walls, too, were a rich wooden paneling.

She really had to hand it to her mother-in-law. Eleanor may not have been her favorite person, but she had seen how Lily had admired their front drawing room and had the entire house decorate that way.

Though it was much the same size as the elder Potters' home, it had none of its colossal feel – which was exactly how Lily liked it.

Lily's room was on the second of four floors. She had picked a suite near the stairs and Ann was already comfortably situated on a leather couch in her sitting room by the time Lily came in.

Lily's sitting room had a couch and two arm chairs situated around a fire. On the eastern wall were two windows decorated with cream window hangings. On the opposite wall was an ornate, polished wood desk. On the southern wall, opposite the fireplace were two large glass doors that opened to Lily's king sized four poster bed. The bedroom, in turn, led to a wardrobe the size of the sitting room and then, finally a bathroom.

Lily settled next to Ann, happily.

It was a hard life, but someone had to live it.

"So," Lily said, pulling her auburn hair into a bun. "What's going on? You've been acting strangely all evening."

Ann grinned and pulled a magazine out of her bag.

Lily cringed, recognizing the cover immediately. "Would you please put that away?" she cried, looking away from the buxom blonde who was snuggling into James' arm.

"This is why I've been acting strangely all evening. For weeks now you've let him go all about the town, sleeping around, making a proper fool of you!" Ann cried, brandishing the magazine like a weapon.

"I've hardly been letting him!" Lily muttered sullenly.

Ann glared.

"Anyway, I think it's time your husband got a little taste of his own medicine." Ann looked very satisfied with herself.

Lily rolled her eyes. "If you think for one second I'm going to go to one of those disgusting clubs – you're absolutely mad."

"Have you no faith in me! Of course not. You're going to have a very nice, very civilized, very intimate dinner. With full press coverage of course."

"With who?" Lily asked, a little annoyed.

"Who else? Foster, of course."

Lily blinked at her. "Foster." She repeated blankly, but then a smile spread slowly over her face. "Foster!" she said again, much more enthusiastically. "That's brilliant! Foster is gorgeous!"

"And smart, and totally into you!"

"Well I don't think it'll be hard to get him to dinner. We grab drinks after work a lot. But how do we get the press there?" Lily asked thoughtfully. "I can't very well call up my friends at the society pages, can I?"

Ann laughed. "Leave that part to me."

They looked at each other and started giggling, feebly at first and then harder.

"Oh man…James…is going…to flip!" Lily managed between laughs, happy tears falling out of her eyes.

* * *

**A/N – So there was a little change of plans, this chapter wasn't supposed to exist, but hushpuppy22 inspired so me we're going to take a little side trip before Mrs. Potter comes into the picture. **

**SEE people, this is why you should review! Your ideas might make it into the story ;)**

**Hushpuppy22 – You inspired me, so thank you for that! James is going to get a bit of a comeuppance!**

**Startofadream2309 – Thanks so much for reading! I hope you liked this chapter!**

**Tabbycat1220 – well they **_**could**_** sit down and have a nice long chat, but what fun would that be? Haha don't worry, they both have to grow up some time – expect to see some actual communication next time. **

**Next time – Lily and foster have their date, James reacts, we get a little Remus time and Mrs. Potter steps in with a little press relations of her own…also DUMBLEDORE!**

**Please review!**


	9. Admit You're an Asshole

**As Is**

**Chapter Eight**

**Subtitled:** _Admit You're An Asshole._

**Quotation:** _"In this day and age, some turn 18 and think they're a man or a woman and that's it, but that's just not true. You have to establish your manhood or your womanhood with actions." Orlando McQuire_

* * *

Lily stared blankly at the parchment. She'd been staring at the same paragraph for over ten minutes and still hadn't read anything.

She glanced at her watch.

It was after ten.

"It looks like it's going to be a long night." Lily sighed, rubbing her bleary eyes.

Foster smiled sympathetically. "You're telling me. I've got Bancroft breathing down my bloody throat. Some of his deadlines are ridiculous. He's out of his mind if he wants a piece this long in a day that isn't total crap."

Lily's stomach growled loudly.

Foster smirked and sat back tiredly, running a hand through his blonde curls. "Hungry, are you?"

Lily shrugged sheepishly. "Just a bit. Don't suppose you care for a bite, do you?"

Foster grinned. "Sounds fantastic. We're going to be up all night anyway!"

His deep blue eyes lit up but it only served to highlight the deep bruises under his eyes.

He, Lily, and few others had been forced to do twice the workload as the 'cutbacks' had increased. As more and more people qualified for 'cutbacks' the pool of qualified replacements had shrunken considerably. While there are once been eight senior staff writers in their department, as November bled into December their numbers had dwindled down to five.

Since the other three, besides Lily and Foster, had children and families, it had fallen to them to do the brunt of the work and the long hours were beginning to take their toll.

They both needed a break.

Lily smiled back at Foster.

"Great, I know a place that is open late. I just have to finish one last thing. I'll meet you in the lobby, then?"

"Sounds good." Foster said and stood, stretching luxuriously and grabbed his cloak.

Once she had seen Foster disappear into the lift, she ducked into the staff room, which was empty except for the ever present fire. Most people had left a few hours before except for a handful of editors who were holed up in their offices and some junior writers who were downing coffee on their end of the floor.

She grabbed a handful of green sand and tossed it into the roaring fire. "15 Highbury Ct, Flat 3" she called, and stuck her head in, shivering slightly. She was certain she'd never really be able to adjust to the odd tickling sensation. It felt like her whole head had fallen asleep.

"Ann!" she called, and looked around her former apartment. Ann was sitting directly in front of her on the couch, curled up with the latest quarterly statements.

Ann, a pureblood, wasn't the slightest bit surprised to see a head poking out of her fire.

"'lo, Lils." she drawled pleasantly and put down the folder. "Nice night?"

Lily rolled her eyes. There really wasn't time for chitchat.

"Foster and I are going to Il Fornaio's now. We should be there in fifteen!" Lily said urgently, straining to hear if there was anyone on her end, ready to jump out at a moments notice.

"Right. I'll handle it." Ann said brusquely. "Just enjoy the meal. It's all taken care of."

She winked suggestively.

Lily ignored her.

"Oh and Lily, you look bloody awful. You might want to do something with those circles under your eyes before your picture is plastered over every paper."

"Thanks, Ann. Tactful as ever." Lily muttered and pulled her head out a little too quickly. She stumbled a bit , dizzy as the blood rushed to her head.

"Bleeding floo powder." She muttered to herself, holding her hand to her forehead. "Really, I ask you, how hard is it to invest in a telephone."

"Really, I think the question is how hard is it to invest in concealer?" a voice asked, and Lily whirled around sharply to find...

no one.

She stared wildly about herself for a minute, wondering if spying warranted an unforgivable curse.

"Oh really, don't be silly." The voice said again, amused this time. "I'm over here!"

Lily followed the sound and was stunned to see that the mirror on the opposite wall, or rather her own reflection, was the one talking. Her reflection was eyeing her in annoyance. Lily opened her mouth to say something rather rude when she stopped.

Ann had been right.

She looked awful.

Slowly she walked towards the mirror and stared at her haggard skin, deep blue circles and limp hair. Grimacing she realized that the face staring back at her wasn't going to teach anyone a lesson in humility except herself.

Sighing, she pulled out her wand. "Emenda!" she whispered.

"Not exceptional," the mirror observed coolly. "but a vast improvement."

Her skin tone was even, though the spell refused, as always, to banish her ridiculous freckles, and while her hair wasn't exactly shiny, nor was her skin radiant, at least she no longer looked liked a vampire.

And that was something.

Lily would take her victories where she could.

* * *

Il Fornaio's was quaint and sweet. The roof was lined with little white lights and the simple glass door led to a small room of tables that were capable of seating no party larger then four.

Lily and Ann had chosen their target carefully. Il Fornaio's was intimate, yet friendly; romantic yet calm. It was the sort of place Lily would have been equally happy to bring her father and a lover, which was exactly the point.

The truth was that Lily liked Foster. He had been a good friend to her. Her only real friend besides Ann and had no desire to lead him on. Her ultimate hope was that the press would misinterpret something that Foster would never dare to think of as anything but friendship.

A member of the press herself, Lily knew exactly how eager they were for a story.

And that was exactly what she we counting on.

The maitre'd seated them immediately. The seating area was near empty, as she had hoped. She requested a table near the window and smiled with anticipation.

Foster didn't sense anything amiss.

He liked Lily, to be sure, but those thoughts were far from his mind. He knew James Potter, in a vague sense. He'd played him in Quidditch and watched in amusement at the pranks he and his friends played. He also had witnessed first hand the affect he, and his friend Sirius, had on women.

So sure, he liked Lily but he also knew it would take a much more charming man then himself to take a wife from James.

Besides, it was late, and he was hungry.

Their waiter handed them menus and disappeared into the back. It was a muggle restaurant, but the service was so good it could easily have been wizarding.

Lily stared at the menu, eyes glazing over.

She was exhausted.

She was tempted to forget the whole thing. She'd been working such long hours that it would take nearly all her energy as it was to eat her dinner and then finish her work, let alone seem alluring.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw dull flash and knew it was too late.

The story would be published with or without her cooperation. The least she could do was play along.

"So," she asked, once their orders had been placed. "What are your plans for the holidays.

She barely suppressed a yawn.

"I'm going to my sister's annual turkey curry dinner," he said, his eyes darkening at the thought.

"Come now!" Lily said rousingly, "It can't be all that bad!"

Foster chuckled darkly.

"You've never met my brother-in-law. He does this charming throat clearing thing."

From his throat came a sound that sounded like a cross between a strangled kitten and a wrench caught in a machine.

Lily looked up in alarm and promptly burst into giggles. They exchanged looks and both bent over laughing.

"Actually, it's more like this…" Foster said and an odd guttural sound emitted from his throat.

Lily was laughing so hard she could hardly breath. Tears flowed from her eyes.

"S…top!" she begged, barely able to speak between laughs. "Stop…please…I…c…a….n't…breath…."

She grabbed his hand beseechingly as the noise stopped.

She was vaguely aware of the flashing outside but the truth was she had long since stopped pretending.

She was having fun.

Their dinner passed pleasantly. They talked of their families and friends. Foster had an older sister who was worked at an Elvin-nonprofit. Her job was primarily to ensure working conditions. His mother didn't work and his father worked for the ministry in middle-management.

He told her about how his ridiculous brother-in-law insisted upon calling him Henry like his sister did, and how it drove him up a wall.

She told him about her father, who was an insurance agent and about her mother who had died. She told him about how she inherited her mother's hair and her smile. How she missed her often; how twice a week Lily went to her grave,

She told Foster about how she was lonely and how work was eating her up.

She was careful not to discuss James with him, yet, it felt good to finally have someone to talk about her life with.

He took the check without a thought to her protestations . Lily saw his signatures across the table,

Henry Foster Levi

Henry…

Harry…

* * *

Lily woke with a start.

Her deadline.

She glanced at the clock and knew she had barely two hours to finish her story.

She jumped from her bed and into the bathroom. She splashed cold water on her face, brushed her teeth and sprinted into her closet, pulling on the first set of clothes that barely matched.

She took the stairs two at a time, galloping into the dining room where James ate his oatmeal serenely.

"Good day, James" she called, taking an apple and running towards the fire.

James barely said his own good morning as she disappeared into the fire. He smiled in amusement. She was forever coming and going, her red hair flying,

He settled happily into his chair. The silence suited him.

He had a whole hour until his was due to the office and had every intention of reading the paper before he went in.

He took another steaming bite of oatmeal, laced with brown sugar when a paper appeared at his right hand.

He did dearly love house elves.

He picked it up, the brown sugar still in his mouth….

"Farlands!" he screamed. "Get me Remus Lupin!"

* * *

"James, be reasonable." Remus said, his voice even.

James downed his third beer.

"James it's not yet one, please be prudent." Remus reminded.

"Prudent," James sputtered, incredulous. "My wife is all over every newspaper in town,"

He took another great gulp, blissfully aware of the room spinning and glad he had called in sick.

"Yes, " Remus said bracingly, "but how many times have you appeared on every paper in town?"

James turn to him, enraged,

"That's…that's different!" he sputtered, nearly knocking his drink to the floor.

The bartender eyed him resentfully, imagining the lawsuit that would follow if that spoiled swot cut himself.

James and Remus ignored him.

"Is it different?" Remus pressed. "You've been out nearly every night. Is it so hard to believe Lily would want company? Besides, I know Foster Levi, he's a great guy."

James actually growled.

Remus wasn't even slightly afraid.

"Oh come off it! He is! I like Foster,"

"You're not helping." James muttered gesturing for another drink, painfully aware of the weak winter light leaking through.

He knew he was being ridiculous.

He knew he was wrong.

He knew if he saw Foster Levi he'd tear him limb from limb.

Hang magic.

An owl swooped in from the back room and nipped him painfully. James grimaced.

"Whose it from?" Remus asked.

James glared at the letter balefully.

"My mother,"

* * *

Lily looked at the tabloids once again.

"I'm sorry, Foster." She said sincerely.

**_Potter Bride Strikes Back at Husband_**

**_The beautiful, though unexpected bride of James Potter, Lily Potter nee Evans, was seen eating a romantic dinner with a coworker late Tuesday night. "They seemed very chummy!" a trusted source said. "They came in very late and were very touchy feely. At one point I was sure they going to snog though I'm sure the public atmosphere put them off. "_**

**_Mrs. Lily Potter married noted Playboy James Potter in Luxus a little more than two months ago. Since then, Mr. James Potter has been seen with a series of beautiful witches. It would seem (continued page 3)_**

Foster grinned over the paper.

"Comes with the territory." He said, shrugging, utterly unperturbed.

Lily breathed in relief. It was exactly what she had hoped for.

Just then an owl swooped in, dropping a note on her desk.

Lily grimaced.

"Excuse me," she said to Foster, breaking the familiar Potter seal.

**_Lily dear,_**

**_This has gone on far enough. You and James will join myself, Baldwin and some friends for Christmas in the lake country._**

**_We expect you on the 22nd!_**

**_All the best,_**

**_Eleanor._**

**_

* * *

  
_**

Lily held James' hand much against her own will.

The snow swirled around them and Lily thought of her own fire forlornly. If she was going to be cold, she could at least be cold around her own fire with her own friends.

The door opened and a furry house-elf ushered them into the house.

The house itself was extremely square and large. If Lily had counted the windows, which she hadn't, so desperate for warmth, she would have counted twenty-five windows on each floor.

As it was she as grateful for the warmth of the kitchen.

The sitting room, many countless rooms later, held five people.

Mr. and Mrs. Potter she recognized.

The other three were strangers.

Lily stared at them unabashedly.

A man sat by the piano, his hair standing up in great white tufts. Opposite him, there were two women as well.

One had grey-streaked chestnut hair drawn back in a severe bun, her severe features trained on Lily like a predator tracking its prey. The woman sitting next to her had the same chestnut hair, though frizzy and hardly as well tamed. She eyed Lily cautiously, carefully; she sat sort of hunched over as though she had spent her whole life avoiding direct eye contact.

"My son James and his wife Lily." Eleanor Potter said easily, barely looking up from her tea set as she dumped one lump of sugar in her husband's cup. "Our neighbors Mr. Jay Larkson." She gestured to the odd man by the piano. "And Ms. Agatha Hildebrand and her niece Fiona."

"Lovely to meet you." Lily muttered, separating herself from James and sitting near the frizzy girl, Fiona.

"Well Lila, Jack, have I told you of my days on the Quidditch team?" The grey haired man asked, his face flying to life.

Lily and James exchanged looks.

Lila and Jack clearly meant them.

"No sir." James said readily, clearly more used to such ridiculousness then she was.

"Well, when I was a little older then you were," he said, moving towards them and placing and friendly arm around James' shoulders. "I was the world champion" he added leading James to a nearby loveseat, who glanced back at Lily pleadingly.

Lily was unmoved. As far as she was concerned Mr. Larkson could keep him. She hoped he talked so much that James' ears would bleed.

And for once, Lily got her wish.

* * *

They were ushered into James' bedroom at a little past ten. James wasn't sure what was worse, spending one more minute with Jay or spending an entire night with Lily.

"So…which side would you prefer, Jack?" She asked, standing beside the large king sized bed, a smiled tugging at her lips.

James grimaced. "Very funny." He muttered. "You could have least had the decency to step in at some point." He stood near the door, arms crossed sullenly.

Lily grinned. "I could have." She conceded. "But what fun would that have been? Besides you looked like you were getting along so well. I mean I don't think the conversation stopped for even a minute. " she unfolded the covers with a smirk.

"One person rambling on is hardly a conversation." James said and sniffed huffily.

"Well you would know." Lily muttered.

James narrowed his eyes, his bad mood turning easily to anger. "Oh come off it, you great martyr. If you'd rather go stay with your boyfriend it's fine by me!"

Lily whirled around, her eyes flashing. "My boyfriend!" she cried incredulously. "Hello pot, I believe you've just called me black! You've been with a different girl every night of the week!"

"Well considering how much fun I have with you that really is shocking!" James yelled back scathingly.

"Oh please, if you so desperately need to be entertained perhaps we can hire you a nanny! I'm not your mother you know! You're just completely unbelievable! You can have sex with anyone you want but I have dinner and suddenly it's a huge deal!"

"Forget it! I'll just sleep on the floor!" James roared, throwing up his hands. He walked to the bed and yanked off a pillow, throwing it so hard to the floor that a few feathers floated up.

"Well I wouldn't want you to inconvenience yourself on my account." Lily snapped and jumped into bed fully dressed. "After all you do so much for me as it is."

The truth of the words hit James with such force that he was speechless. James stood by the bed breathing heavily but even through his rage he couldn't help notice how pretty Lily looked with her face flushed with anger. She turned over on her side, away from him and James was left with a view of hair.

He sighed, staring at her, the anger slowly leaving him.

He couldn't do this anymore. He wasn't even sure what they were fighting about. Jay Larkson should have been a shared point of laughter, not a boiling point.

He was tired of angry silences punctuated only with the occasional sarcastic comment.

He was tired of living with a stranger.

He was tired of never really talking.

He wasn't sure how long he stood there, watching Lily's shoulders rise and fall, but as he did, he realized that this, that their marriage, was no longer livable.

He had been selfish to the extreme, even begrudging her a dinner with a friend when he himself fell into a different woman's bed every night. He knew nothing had happened between Lily and Foster Levi. He knew he just held onto the idea because he wanted a reason to hate Lily.

But he was done now.

She was right. He didn't do anything for her. He hadn't even tried to make it work, to make this work. When she had tried to be his friend he hadn't wanted any part in it. He was a child. And marriage…

Well marriage was for men. And it was time to grow up.

He climbed softly onto the bed.

"You're right." He said softly to Lily's back.

"What?" she asked sharply.

"You're right. I do need a nanny, or at the very least a timeout."

She turned toward him, her face still suspicious. She searched his face for the joke and was surprised to see his face was calm and serious, no hint of smile.

"I've been an absolute asshole." He said. "And you're right. I haven't done anything for you. I…I'm sorry."

Lily's face softened. "Thank you."

He nodded and settled back onto the bed.

"I appreciate the apology but if you think you're sleeping in this bed you've lost your mind." "Lily said, turning away from him.

James sighed and got up.

Well, Rome wasn't built in a day.

* * *

**A/N **Well I said that Dumbledore would be in the chapter but I lied. He'll be the next one, though! James is going to have to do more then apologize if he wants any sort of peace with Lily!

Next time - Mrs. Potter does a little PR of her own, James and Lily actually have fun...together, James and his father have a rather embarrassing conversation about discretion, and dumbledore comes to dinner!

CherryKisses21 – I'm so glad that you liked it! I know that feeling where you open up a story and think "please don't ruin this with shoddy grammar…"

Raviegrint – what a happy accident! I hope you liked this chapter as well!

MissSaraJean-Jellybean47 – Lily left the books out in the rain so they'd be ruin and I'm sorry about dumblydore. He'll be in the next chapter.

Jassyflower – why thank you ;) I've always thought the plot was my weak point so that makes me smile!

Startofadream2309 – haha it would be a funny subplot if James got an std but not exactly with the story at the moment! And I think James is finally seeing what an idiot he is!

Potterslittlesister – I do enjoy your reviews so much! I missed you for a bit. I think we've all wanted to do what Lily did with the books at some point to somebody. I know I have. Not being around each other ever is driving them nuts but they're both pretty stubborn. And As you just read, James was less then pleased about Foster!

Hushpuppy22 – I'm glad you liked Lily's reasoning for staying! It's a much higher incentive to stay if you think your life is at risk then simply your job. ;) and james is a stupid head, which I think he is finally seeing.

And thanks to WhiteCamellia, mnz, flowerpetal, and dancechic12345 for reviewing!

Thanks for reading. Please review!


	10. Because When I Look Around

**As Is**

**Chapter Nine**

**Subtitled:** _Because When I Look Around_

**Quotation:** _"Laughter is the way to true love." Anonymous_

_

* * *

  
_

James groaned and stretched. Somehow his childhood carpet had seemed significantly softer when it was pushed between his toes and not his vertebrae.

The light was filtering in weakly. Lily's soft snores floated down from the bed. He craned his neck and saw her curled beneath the covers, her right hand clutching the sheet. Her eyes were fluttering softly, seeing things that he could never see. He watched her for a moment; half wishing it could always be like this – calm, peaceful, easy.

Of course he also wished he was in that bed too, but then you couldn't have everything.

He pulled himself up, as quietly as possible, careful not to wake her. He grabbed some clothes from his suitcase at the foot of the bed and disappeared into the adjoining bathroom. He emerged a moment later in khakis, a polo and a deep blue sweater, his hair still mussed from sleep.

As he padded softly to the door, he paused as Lily stirred in the bed. Her face turned fully towards him and his breath caught in his throat.

He'd been running for so long and had gotten absolutely nowhere. It was as though he had been running up the down escalator and hadn't even known it. He'd thought for so long that if he didn't act married then he wouldn't be married.

He understood now.

It didn't matter how many bars he stumbled in and out of, or how many beds he stumbled into and out of, he was married and his wife was sleeping in the bed in front of him.

He took one last long hard look at her, the reality settling in and opened the door, shutting it behind himself.

He took the stairs two at a time and walked cheerfully towards the morning room where he was sure he'd find his mother drinking her tea. His parents drove him absolutely insane but their houselves sure knew how to fix a cup of tea. He could taste the slightly bitter dregs already, his mouth watering in anticipation.

"Oi, James!" His father called as James walked past his dad's office. "Can I see you for a minute?"

James sighed and doubled-back.

He was so close to that cup of tea.

"Yes, dad?" he asked, peeking his head in.

His father's office was large and dark. There were no windows but a fire roared in the fireplace surrounded by bookcases. The room smelt faintly of old books and tobacco. His father was sitting at his large cherry desk, wearing an old wool sweater that had long since faded from its original ghastly yellow.

James smiled to himself. His dad must have planned on being in this room all day since his mother never left him wear that sweater around people. The only time he'd ever see his mother raise her voice was over that sweater. It was also the only time he'd seen his father stand his ground.

The sweater stayed but had banished to the same prison as the yellowed books on the shelves.

"Take a seat, James." His father said, pointing to one of two cushy old armchairs by the fire.

James sat down, vaguely aware of the old springs that creaked beneath him. His father sat opposite him and took a long inhale of his pipe.

Baldwin watched James for a minute, the smoke billowing out from his nose.

"James," he said thoughtfully. "About your behavior recently."

James grimaced. This could go nowhere good.

"There are many, many pretty girls out there. Look, we've all been there. Of course I have."

James glanced at his father's horrible yellow sweater and sincerely doubted it.

"But the important thing is to be discrete." He continued. James twisted uncomfortably in his chair. The last thing in the world he wanted to do was spend one more minute in that incredibly stuffy office discussing the amount of discretion his father used in his extra-marital affairs.

"Dad –" James cried, his face burning with embarrassment.

"Seriously, James. There's nothing wrong with a man taking care of his needs. But it would really be better if you kept the papers out of it, for you mother's sake…and your wife's." he added after a moment.

It struck James that poor Lily was always an afterthought.

"Yeah, sure. Of course dad." James said hurriedly.

His dad looked pleased, convinced that he had made his point and now that the uncomfortable business was behind him he could go back to work – an activity he infinitely preferred. He had always found child rearing a bit…messy and the Potters didn't do mess.

* * *

James walked into the morning room to find the tea gone and Lily reading prettily to the elderly Ms. Hildebrand. She closed the book when he came in and set it in her lap.

"Ah James." Eleanor said, looking at him over her spectacles. "Lovely of you to join us. Had a nice sleep in, did you?"

James sighed and sat down. "No actually, I ran into dad. He fancied a chat." James squirmed at the memory.

His mother's frown softened. That was the closest she ever came to smiling at her son. James could see the news clearly pleased her.

"Well I think it's time you showed Lily the grounds, don't you dear?" Eleanor asked, turning back to her letter on her desk.

"Mother there is two feet of snow outside." James said, staring out the bay windows behind his mother incredulously.

"It's sunny and some fresh air will do you good." Eleanor said without looking up from her letter. Her tone brooked no argument.

James shared a stunned look with Lily who shrugged helplessly. James shook his head. This day was getting weirder by the second.

"Alright." He said. "I'll go get our cloaks." He said throwing his arms and getting up.

"Wait," Lily said, standing by the window, her face creased in confusion. "Are those…paparazzi out there?"

"What?" James cried rushing to the window. He could see four of them at the edge of the woods wearing black clothes and carrying cameras. "This is ridiculous! I'm calling the police!" He whirled around and rushed towards the floo powder at the fireplace.

"Oh do calm down, dear." His mother said calmly, signing her name with a flourish at the bottom of the parchment. "You can't arrest invited guests for breaking and entering."

James looked as though he were about to burst, turning an odd purple color.

"You _invited_ them?" he roared.

Ms. Hildebrand sniffed delicately on the loveseat.

"Really now, there's no need to scream." She tutted.

"Quite right." His mother added.

Lily suppressed a giggle. What the hell was going on?

"Are you mad, mother? Isn't it bad enough they hunt us down in the city? But to invite them to Christmas?" James said, beginning to pace.

"That's exactly my point." Said Eleanor, not looking ruffled in the slightest. "If they are going to hunt you down, and you insist on supplying them with those ridiculous photo opportunities then I think it's time we gave them a decent picture of our family. Now, if you're quite done throwing a fit, I think you and your wife should go for a stroll."

She eyed him sternly.

He laughed in disbelief.

"Sure, fine mum, whatever. Come on, Lily. Let's go give our adoring public what they want."

He took Lily by the arm, marched her towards the kitchen. He grabbed their cloaks off the coat rack and tossed Lily hers, opening up the door and stalking out.

"Can you believe this?" he cried, fuming away from the house. "Of all silly, immature stunts…"

His feet left large foot prints in the snow and Lily hopped in them behind him, trying to do minimal damage to her new boots.

"I mean those people are my parents!" he spun around to demand an answer when his feet caught on an ice patch.

His feet slipped out from under him and with a great crash he landed in the snow.

Lily stared at him in astonishment for a moment, her hands flying to her mouth. He was covered snow. His scarlet cloak was soaking wet and snow was dripping from his black hair on his nose.

Lily burst into giggles. She stared at his pathetic form, completely covered in melting snow and she couldn't help herself. She laughed so hard that her body was hunched over.

"Oh you think this is funny, do you?" James asked, a mischievous grin coming on. "You find this hilarious, huh?"

Behind them bulbs flashed furiously.

"Yes," she giggled. "A little bit!"

"Well help me up, why don't you?" he asked, extending a hand.

Her laughs slowly dying down, she took his hand and tried to pull him up.

He grinned and gave one violent tug and she tumbled on top of him. She shrieked in surprise.

He rolled her over so that her back was fully submerged in the snow. He rolled gently on top of her.

She stared up into his hazel eyes, the laugh dying on her lips. She had never noticed before that his eyes had a deep green ring around the pupil.

His right hand reached behind her as though to stroke her hair.

He leaned closer to her, and for one, wonderful moment she thought he was going to kiss her.

And then she felt a searing cold on her forehead. James had taken a huge handful of snow and slowly squished it all over her face.

Lily screeched in protest and pushed him off.

"Oh you're going to get it now!" she screamed and grab a huge handful of snow and launched it at James, hitting him square in the nose.

He got up laughing and chased her. "Those were my glasses!" he cried and made a snowball as he ran, hitting her square on the back of the head.

"Like being able to see would help you catch me!" she taunted over her shoulder.

He ran after her, laughing so hard his stomach hurt.

And behind them, the bulbs flashed.

* * *

James and Lily left the lunch table in amiable silence. Yesterday's fun had slid into another stiff evening with James' parents and their friends. It was now Christmas Eve and after tucking in a light lunch, James was eager to get some time alone with Lily.

He felt like they'd finally made some progress yesterday in the snow but here they were again, not quite talking.

Unconsciously he reached a hand to his neck and rubbed it gently. In addition to the beating he'd taken in the snow yesterday, not that he'd ever admit that to his friends, he'd also spent another night on the floor, which, frankly, was not good for his body.

"Lila!" Mr. Larkson called from behind them. "Have I shown you my dragon pox scars yet?

James grabbed her arm and pulled her sharply down the hall, a finger to his lips.

She giggled as he rather roughly pushed her into a room at the end of the hall.

Lily separated herself from him and looked around with a grin.

The room was a large rectangle with three windows on the wall to her right and three windows on the wall next to it. The walls were a pale blue with sail boat border along the middle.

There was an old wooden rocking horse in the corner. The floor was littered with piles of building blocks and two large armchairs stood around a roaring fireplace.

She picked a book off the end table between the chairs and paged through it softly.

""The Tales of the Beedle Bard?" she asked, smiling at him.

James leaned against the doorway, a little embarrassed. He hadn't meant to drag her into his old nursery but then Jay Larkson always drove people to extremes.

"It's just some kid's book," he muttered turning pink as she turned towards some little trains in the corner.

She turned back to him, her eyes narrowed.

"I really don't get you!" she said, her finger trailing over a broken toy sail boat.

"One minute you're so distant it's almost cruel. You ignore me. You sleep around and then…" she looked up, her voice cracking slightly. She swallowed painfully, running a hand raggedly through her hair.

"And then," she began, a bit calmer. "You bring me into this adorable room," she picked up an old picture of James, cooing softly in his nanny's arms.

"And sometimes, when you don't have a huge stick up your arse, you're even kind of… fun." she finished, flushing a little, embarrassed to admit she'd actually had fun with him.

James sighed and shrugged.

"I'm trying here, Lil. And I know it might be too little, too late…but I am trying." He shrugged helplessly.

"I'm not really good with big speeches and all that," he muttered. "Can we at least, try to be friends?"

For a moment she looked at him hard and then opened her mouth as though she were going to say something but then shut it, thinking better of it.

"So, the Tales of the Beedle Bard, huh?" she asked, flopping on of the armchairs. She picked it up and held it out to him. "Read it to me."

James laughed. "What?"

She raised an eyebrow at him and continued to hold the book out.

"Read it to me. Unless you've got something better to do, of course. Jay's dragon pox offer seemed pretty good."

James snatched the book from her, grinning and plopped into the other chair.

"Oh very well. If you insist." He muttered looking annoyed though secretly very pleased. He opened the cover. "The Tales of the Beedle Bard…" He began in a clear, deep voice.

Lily settled back and shut her eyes, the sound of his voice lulling her to sleep.

* * *

Lily's eyes opened with a shot and she stretched, groaning. She glanced at the clock on the mantle above the fire and threw the blanket off of her

"Where are you going?" James asked, putting his rather more grownup book aside. "You've been out for hours."

He was enjoying their time together, however one sided it was.

The sun had long since set but he hadn't really noticed.

Lily stood up and stretched her arms over her head.

"We've got to head down for dinner. Remember, six sharp." She said, yawning slightly and folding the blanket onto the chair.

James glanced at the clock on the mantle and moaned.

It was ten to six.

"Alright fine, if we must, we must." He conceded and got up. Offering her his arm, he opened the door. They entered the dining room just as everyone else was sitting down.

"Professor!" James cried, seeing the distinctive blue and gold pointed hat. He rushed forward and took his hand, shaking it happily. "How are you, sir?"

Dumbledore smiled slightly at him. "Very well James, how are you?"

"Just fine. I didn't know you were coming!" He sat next to Dumbledore and Lily took the seat next to him.

"Oh, I thought we mentioned it, James." Baldwin said, taking the head of the table. "Albus is here on some business but I convinced him to join us for dinner."

"The Christmas feast at Hogwarts is delicious, as you well know but the houselves find me a bit demanding at times." He said serenely, twinkle in his eye. "I thought my absence was the best gift I could give."

"I'm sure that's not true," Eleanor said, gesturing for dinner to what seemed liked the air. "And Albus you remember my daughter-in-law, Lily?"

"Lily dear, Happy Christmas." Dumbledore said, as though seeing her for the first time. "I quite enjoyed your article on the cauldron embargo, but I wonder, have you considered writing about pixie dust? I've always found its properties quite fascinating. "

Lily swallowed her laugh but it came out like an odd cough.

"No, sir." She said. "But I'll definitely look into it."

James caught her eye and they both looked away, suppressing smiles as their food appeared on their plates.

Some things were better left unsaid.

* * *

"Well that was delicious, but if you'll excuse us, I think Lily and I will retire to my sitting room for some desert wine." Eleanor said, pushing back from the table with as much dignity as one with such a full stomach could manage.

Lily smiled, satisfied and a little drunk from all the wine.

"That's my cue!" she said cheerfully and got up as well, following her mother-in-law out the door.

James smiled warmly at her, unaware of Dumbledore's eyes on him.

"Come Albus, James, let's retire to my office." Baldwin said, getting up himself. "I've got a lovely old brandy that will really wet your whistle." Baldwin clapped Dumbledore on the back and James followed them down the hall, sitting in the chair he had sat in just a day before.

Baldwin handed Albus and James a glass of strong brandy and reached for his pipe, settling into his chair.

"So, Albus, is it true what they say? About the arrests?" Baldwin asked, lighting his pipe.

James turned to his father in shock. "What arrests?" he asked, eyes wide.

Albus sighed, sipping his brandy.

"There's been talk," Dumbledore said, speaking infuriatingly slowly. "That the ministry has been rounding up muggleborns and some half-bloods for interrogation purposes."

"So it is true, then." Baldwin said heavily, suddenly looking much older. "I was sure it couldn't be true…" he looked sad and that scared James.

"It can't be true!" James cried, his heart squeezing painfully. "Lily's a muggleborn. If they've moved onto half-bloods someone would surely have talked to her!"

His eyes moved rapidly from Dumbledore to his father, begging each of them to reassure him.

"Try the brandy, James. It will calm you." He father said softly.

James took a sip, feeling the hot velvet slid down his throat. It was calming.

"Lily's been safe, because we've been keeping her safe. " Baldwin said. "Although you're public theatrics are making it harder for us to convince people she's a valued member of our family." He added chidingly.

"Let's not place blame, Baldwin." Dumbledore said bracingly. For a moment James remembered that his father, too, had once been a student of Dumbledore's. It was an odd feeling, seeing his father put in his place.

"But your father is right. Right now your name is enough…soon though…."

"Soon what?" James cried, sitting up.

"James!" his father scolded. "Watch your tone!"

"It's alright, Baldwin." Dumbledore said, turning to James, all twinkle gone.

When had the grey streaks outnumbered the auburn in Dumbledore's hair?

"Soon, James, we might have to resort to some more unsavory tactics."

James' mind was racing. He could barely feel his body.

"Like what?" he whispered.

Baldwin and Dumbledore exchanged a significant look.

"I was afraid it would come to this." Baldwin muttered to himself. "James, leave us." He said with such finality that James turned to him with a start.

"This is my wife, dad! I'm not leaving!"

"Out." His father said again, his voice measured, but barely, eyes blazing.

James stood angrily, slamming his drink on the table.

"Oh, and James?" Dumbledore asked as James reached the door.

James turned stiffly.

"If something happens, owl me immediately." He said softly.

"Like what?" James asked the panic rising in his voice, his body beginning to shake with fear.

"OUT!" His father roared and James left, shutting the door behind him, visibly shaken.

His father had never yelled at him before.

He walked numbly to his mother's sitting room, walking in to find Lily giggling with his mother as they attempted a horrible duet at the piano.

He looked at her glowing young face, her cheeks flushed with wine and her hair curling softly down her shoulders.

Lily stopped playing and looked up at him, her eyes shining with laughter.

Her beautiful, laughing eyes met his.

For the first time in his entire nineteen years...

James Baldwin Potter was afraid.

* * *

"Alright there, James?" Lily asked as she pulled the covers down. "You've barely said two words since dinner."

"Yeah," James said distractedly as he took off his watch. He grabbed a pillow and blanket and began to make his bed on the floor.

"You know, you don't have to do that. You could…you could sleep on the bed…if you like." She offered shyly, smiling kindly at him.

"Yeah…okay." James said, smiling slowly back at her. He grabbed his pillow off the floor and put it back on the bed.

He climbed in and turned off his bedside lamp. A moment later Lily climbed in next to him, snapping off her own life.

"But James?"

"Yeah?"

"Touch me and you're a dead man. "

James chuckled dryly.

"Yeah, I figured. "

Lily snuggled comfortably into her pillow.

James lay stiffly on his back, painfully aware of her warm body.

Dumbledore's words replayed unmercifully in his head.

Horrible images ran through his mind: Lily being arrested at work, harassed, scared and shivering in some cell.

His body tensed in anger. For a moment he almost reached out to hold her, to keep everyone from her, to keep her like this – warm, comfortable…

his – well sort of.

"Oh and James?" she asked, yawning loudly.

"Yeah, Lil?"

"Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Lil." He whispered, suppressing the urge to stroke her hair.

He only hoped it wouldn't be their last.

* * *

**A/N – Well I'm actually quite proud of this chapter and I do hope you all liked it. James I think is redeeming himself quite nicely. I hope Dumbledore was enjoyable. He'll be back in three more chapters…so that's happy! **

**Next time – Ann, Sirius, Peter and Remus come over for a little new years fun and James gets a mysterious package. Next chapter will be mostly fluff, but sometimes that's more fun!!! **

**Thanks to Lozenges, will write for food, cherrykisses21, anonymous, whitecamellia, lilalex13, dancechic12345**

**Startofadream2309 – It's a careful line to walk. Lily obviously needs to start accept James and I hope I did it realistically in this chapter. I guess you'll let me know ;)**

**Potterslittlesister – The potters motives are double sided as I tried to show with the scene with Dumbledore and Baldwin, though I do think they really love their son. I adore Remus. You hit the mark exactly with James, he knew he was married but he still kind of hoped it wasn't real! Oh well it is reall…too bad jamsie! ;)**

**Misssarajean-jellybean47 – you finally have your Dumbledore and he'll be back soon ;)**

**Raviegrint – thanks! I'm quite proud of that last sentence!!**

**Please review ********!!!!!!**


	11. You Don't Know How You Feel

**As Is**

**Chapter Ten**

**Subtitled:** _You Don't Know How You Feel_

**Quotation:** _"A legal kiss is never as good as a stolen one"_

_Guy de Maupassant_

* * *

Lily practically skipped down the stairs, grasping the banister on the bottom and swinging around into the hallway. She bounced into the living room where James was sitting flipping through files. She grinned and ruffled his hair cheerfully, flopping down opposite him.

"You're in a good mood," he said taking in her happy smile. He set the files aside and unconsciously fixed his hair back to its natural messiness.

"It's gorgeous outside. Who wouldn't be in a good mood?"

He glanced over her shoulder and out the window. The snow sparkled prettily in the sun. There were no clouds at all in the sky. He liked the way the trees looked in the winter; the brown bark looked almost fierce against the stark, white snow.

They'd been back from his parent's house for four days now and James had been trying every day to win Lily over. The truth was that he was a little shocked at how willing she was to be friends. He had to admit, she was a much better person than he was. If she had treated him the way he had treated her there was no way he would have forgiven her so soon.

But she had. At least he thought she had. They seemed like they were friends. She was friendly, even chatty with him. They joked and actually ate meals together. The other night she had taken him to a muggle horror film and had teased him the whole evening about how scared he had gotten.

"Come on, let's do something!" Lily whined, tossing a paperweight in the air.

James had to check his automatic tinge of annoyance as he pictured her dropping the paperweight and it shattering on his nice clean floor.

He had to admit she looked pretty with the light shining from behind her.

He'd notice a lot of things like that the last few days…

It was odd.

"I do have some work to do, Lil. I have to go back after the first." He reminded her, uncomfortable with this new feeling that had started to accompany his guilt.

He was loathe to admit it, but it felt a lot like lust.

She looked at him beseechingly, her lower lip pouting. James was sure she'd honed that look after thousands of trial runs on her father. He sighed, already sure he'd lost. With those big, green eyes he never even stood a chance.

"Oh alright!" he gave in.

"What do you want to do?" she asked, setting the paperweight down roughly on the antique table and leaned forward eagerly.

James grinned slowly. He had been saving this for day after work as a surprise, but it looked like Lily would have none of his planning.

"Would you like your Christmas present?"

"You already gave me my present. I'm wearing it!" she said, pointing to her red cashmere sweater.

"That was more of a…stocking stuffer. You couldn't open your real gift."

Lily's eyes were shining with anticipation. She looked like a child who had just been told she could go out for ice cream.

"Why not?" she asked, bouncing on the chair.

James chuckled, oddly beginning to feel excited himself.

"It was a little hard to wrap." He said.

"Well can I have it?" she cried, getting up and tugging on his hand. "Go get it!"

"Why don't you come with me?" he asked, getting up and pulling her into the hallway towards the front door.

"Where are we going?" she asked, confused as he handed her her cloak.

James grinned mischievously. "Out!" he said, his eyes sparkling and opened the door. Lily followed him.

Diagon Alley was bustling with post-holiday costumers, all trying to cash in on the after holiday sales. Lily followed James through the crowds, confused as they passed all the usual stores. She wasn't sure what she expected, but when they passed Madame Malkins, she was completely confused.

She looked at him searchingly but he just grinned mysteriously and kept walking. As they reached the end of the street, he stopped in front of a small, squat building next to Gringotts. She wondered that she had never noticed it before since she'd gone to Gringotts nearly twice a week to see Ann.

The paint had long since peeled from the exterior, thought it had once been a deep blue. The windows were grimy and cloudy. Above the door a sign hung on one hinge, the other having been broken long before. It swung creepily in the wind, creaking.

_Jenkins and Son_ it read.

"James –" she started, a little worried. What on earth was he on about. For a moment she worried that her Christmas present would involve a tetanus shot.

He didn't wait for her to finish and grabbed the tarnished doorknob, walking inside, a bell tinkling softly as they entered.

They were in a waiting room of sorts, though it was the oddest waiting room she had ever been in. The room was dark, with only the weak winter light filtering through the dirty windows. The Victorian wallpaper was peeling. The floor looked like it hadn't been swept in decades, if ever. With the exception of three unstable wooden chairs by the window, the room was completely empty – not even a display case. Opposite the door they came in was another door, completely nondescript.

James sat in the chair nearest the door and gestured for her to sit next to him. She did so gingerly, her eyebrows raised.

Clearly whatever kind of store this was, James was their only customer.

This was not a good sign.

They sat in silence for a minute, James refusing to give up the game and Lily trying desperately not to touch anything.

The other door opened and small, old man shuffled out. He reminded Lily of her grandfather with his gray knit vest and ancient glasses.

"Ah, Mr. Potter! It's been a long time! Here for something for you mother?" he squeaked hobbling forward.

Lily turned to James in amusement. He had gotten her something he'd previously gotten his mother? She knew James particularly tender, but this was just strange.

James ignored her and stood up, shaking the man's hands.

"Not this time, Mr. Jenkins. I'm here for my wife, actually."

Mr. Jenkins looked over at Lily in surprise. "I didn't even know you were married!"

Apparently Mr. Jenkins didn't read the paper.

"Well congratulations. Please come with me, come with me." He started walking towards the door he'd walking in from.

They followed him, James grinning maniacally now. The door opened and Lily gasped, shocked.

The room was so bright Lily could barely see. It was like walking into the sun itself. As her eyes adjusting, she looked around. They were standing on a white marble floor. There were rows and rows and rows of glass display cases lined with blue velvet. From the ceiling hung two glass chandeliers.

She walked away from James who was watching her, holding his breath. She walked to the nearest case and looked in.

She almost fainted.

The cases held jewelry.

Lots and lots of it. Diamond tiaras, set next to emerald necklaces, and pearl earrings. The riches seemed to go one forever.

"James…?" she turned towards him, unsure what to say.

"I thought of having something designed but I thought you would like to pick something out yourself." He said nervously.

This was a lie. He hadn't given two thoughts to Lily's gift until they'd already gotten to his parents' house.

In fact he hadn't given two thoughts to Lily until they had gotten to his parents' house.

By then the shabby cashmere sweater he'd picked up as an afterthought after work seemed pathetic and embarrassing, but it was too late.

He remembered how thrilled she'd been with gift; absolutely over the moon. She had said that she'd never owned anything so nice. It had made his stomach churn with guilt. The sweater had been so completely thoughtless, so devoid of any feeling. He'd gotten his high school girlfriend an identical one in blue. Yet she had been so pleased.

That was the beauty of Lily – it took so little to please her. She just wanted him to try.

Well he was trying now. And he was going to make damn sure every gift he gave her from now on did more than please her. He wanted her to be sick with happiness, to bath in it, to be blissfully unaware of the reality creeping in around her.

He'd kept his ear to the ground since getting back to London. Carefully asking his work friends about anything odd. He hadn't liked what he'd heard. There had been arrests, and disappearances, they'd told him in hushed tones over a pint. No one was sure who had ordered. No one knew why.

It wasn't exactly heartening but he did know one thing, he might not know how much more time he would have to make Lily happy, or even to keep her safe but he was going to do it while he could.

He didn't have a lot of practice giving meaningful gifts. When he dated in the past he'd always stuck with the old standbys – perfume, cashmere, jewelry. So it seemed logical to him that if those things made girls happy doing it bigger or better would make them ecstatic.

He wasn't even sure what motivated him. He thought it was guilt, but a small voice in the back of his head said it was something else entirely…

"James –" Lily said, interrupting his thoughts . "This is too much. I couldn't possibly…"

James grinned. "Hang the money, Lils. Pick anything you want. Anything at all."

She was still hesitating. "I don't know…"

"Oh go ahead!" he cried eagerly and gestured around them. "You know you want to."

Lily gave in, flying to the first case.

She was only human after all.

And besides sense had a way of paling in the face of thousands of diamonds.

* * *

"What time is everyone coming over?" James called as Lily grabbed crisps from the pantry.

"Any minute! Are you sure Peter can't make it?" she called back, standing on her tiptoes to get it.

"Here, let me." said James coming up from behind her and grabbing the crisps with ease. "Must be hard to be elf sized." He joked and handed them to her.

She glared at him and grabbed a bowl.

"His family does this big New Years thing every year. He can't get out of it. Not that his mother would let him if he tried." He added, shaking his head at the thought. It was astonishing to him that a terrifying battle-axe like Edna Pettigrew could produce such timid son. But then, he supposed, stranger things had happened – like the Blacks producing Sirius, for instance.

"Oh well." Lily said, getting cherries and whip cream from the fridge.

"Are we making sundaes?" he asked, chewing a crisp thoughtfully.

"It's for a game called popping the cherry." She said.

James raised his eyebrows at her. "I think we already played that game in Luxus." He said, smirking.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Actually I played that game long before you."

"How long?" James asked, genuinely curious.

Lily blushed. "None of your goddamn business. That's how long. Besides, I didn't name the game. Grab the Champagne, will you?"

She took the crisps from him and carried the food into the living room.

"Hello? Potters?" A deep laughing voice called.

"Sirius." They said in unison and James disappeared to go to the wine cellar.

"In the living room!" Lily called as Sirius walked out of the fireplace in the drawing room and into the living room.

"Hello, Lily dear. Happy New Years!" he said jovially and hugged her.

"Happy New Years!" she said, arranging the food on the coffee table.

"Where's Jamsie? Tall, gangly fellow, horribly ugly?"

"Takes one to know one." James said sullenly walking in with several bottles of champagne.

"Good one." Sirius said dryly, hugging James and clapping him on the back.

The doorbell rang and a moment later a house elf brought Ann in, her cheeks ruddy from the wind.

"Happy New Year all!" Ann said, pressing her cold lips to Lily's cheek. "Damn it's cold out there!"

She untied her royal blue cloak and tossed it onto the nearest chair. A moment later Remus stumbled out of the fireplace. He grinned.

"'lo everyone!" he cried cheerfully, brushing the soot off of his already shabby clothes. He looked pale and gaunt.

Unemployment was not agreeing with him.

Lily rushed forward, taking his cloak. "Come on, everyone. Let's eat, I'm famished!" she said.

She wasn't but she had a feeling this would be the first decent meal Remus had had all week. She made a mental note to invite him over more often.

* * *

They all assembled around the coffee table, laughing and full. Sirius and Remus took one of the large leather couches. Ann and Lily took the other, leaving James with the armchair facing the fire.

"So what now?" Remus asked, stretching luxuriously, patting his full stomach.

"Lily has a game called 'popping the cherry'" James said, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Sirius' eyes lit up. "That, Lily, is one of my favorite games." He smirked.

Ann grimaced. "Eww, that is pretty high on the list of things I never wanted to hear."

"Never pegged you as squeamish, Annie." Remus said easily.

Lily suppressed a smile.

"It's Ann." Ann snapped.

It was time to step in.

"My games more fun after we've had a few drinks." Lily said, eager to avoid the blood bath that inevitably would start once Ann's temper flared.

"How about a little strip poker. Losers drink and lose their clothes." Sirius said, pulling a deck of cards from his bag.

"Ehh, why not." Ann said, reaching for the open bottle of champagne. She took a swig and poured the rest into the five empty glasses while Sirius dealt.

Three hands in Lily had lost her sweater, both of her shoes and a good deal of her inhibition. Ann was down to a tank top and her jeans. James was wearing only khakis and Remus, who had been prepared for such an event having spent many late nights with Sirius, had worn layers and so was wearing his last sweater.

Sirius, of course, was fully dressed and sober.

Lily giggled as Remus refilled her glass and James started to deal. With only a thin tee-shirt she realized that the game was going no where good for her. She held her hand up as James passed her her cards.

"Oh no, I think this game is a bit too rich for my blood." Lily said, pushing her cards back. "This goes any further and I'll be naked and drunk – not a word Sirius!" she added.

Sirius shrugged sheepishly. "Wasn't going to say a word."

Ann snorted in disbelief.

"I'm with Lily, new game." She said, handing back her own cards.

James laughed and gathered all the cards back.

"Alright, new game it is." Remus said, liking the idea. He wasn't any more crazy about getting naked then either of the girls.

"Let's just hang out for bit, then we can play Lily's game." Ann suggested, downing her champagne and reaching for the bottle to refill it.

"Yeah, okay." said Sirius. "Hey did you guys here about those disappearances?" he asked.

James shot him a hard, warning look but it was lost on him. He drank his own drink in a single gulp, trying to catch up with everyone.

"I did." Lily said quietly, swishing her drink thoughtfully. "Three of other staff writers have disappeared. At first I thought they'd just been fired but Foster, this bloke I work with, told me they might have been arrested."

James turned to her in surprise. So she wasn't completely in the dark, then. She had been holding out on him.

Remus looked up in alarm. "Arrested? For what?"

"Their blood status." Lily said dully, staring into the fire without blinking.

"That's ridiculous." Ann scoffed. "The ministry can't arrest people for their blood status, can they James?"

Everyone turned to look at him. James shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"No, not technically but I have heard something to that affect." He mumbled, careful to avoid Lily's eyes, terrified she see his fear first hand.

"But how?" Ann asked, trying to work it out. "There hasn't been any major shake ups in the ministry have there? I mean, we would have heard if there had been some kind of new policy. Besides, no one's been arrested at Gringotts."

Remus leaned forward eagerly. "Well no, but why would there be yet? The ministry of course makes sense because that's where all the power is. And then the Prophet because that's how the ministry communicates to the rest of us. So if you eliminate muggleborns from the ministry, and then from the Prophet, then –"

"-there's no one left to speak for them." Sirius finished for him, looking around, horrified.

James looked over at Lily, who despite sitting near the fire was shivering. This had gone far enough.

"But who –" Ann started.

"Alright, enough!" James cried, beginning to panic a little. "This is supposed to be fun not completely depressing! I vote we all chug two glasses of champagne and then play Lily's game."

"Absolutely. I'm not spending my bloody New Years Eve discussing ministry policy." Sirius said immediately, catching James' eye. He was finally catching on.

They each refilled their glasses.

"On your mark!" cried Remus. "Get set! Go!"

They all pushed the glasses to their lips and began to chug. The problem, of course, with chugging champagne was that it was carbonated, which meant after a few seconds they all needed to burp.

Moments later they all set their glasses down, grinning at each other. Sirius burped loudly as Remus refilled the glasses, slightly sloppier this time.

"Alright – Go!"

They chugged a second time. Lily finished, setting her glass down, feeling slightly winded. She realized that if she was going to drink with James' friends again, she was going to need to train for the event.

She got up, swaying slightly from a combination of a head rush and alcohol and sat next to the coffee table.

"Alright, popping the cherry. " she said positioning herself in front of two empty bowls and reaching for the jar of cherries. "This, mates, is a cherry!" she held up a single maraschino cherry.

"So it is, Lil." Sirius said, topping of his drink once again.

"Your object is to get the cherry out of the bowl without using your hands before the other person get's their cherry out." She dropped a cherry into each large mixing bowl.

Sirius scoffed. "Childs play. Bring it on."

"You might want to disinfect everything after he's done, Lily. Who knows where that mouth has been?" James said, winking at her.

"Unfortunately, I've heard all about it." Remus muttered, looking genuinely disturbed.

Sirius glared at him.

She laughed and turned to Sirius. "It gets complicated, once I do this." She said, grabbing the whip cream and filling each bowl up, leaving about eight inches of whip cream on top of the cherry.

"Who's first?" she asked.

Ann observed the bowls coolly for a moment. Her shirt had cost more then she could get for her liver on the black market, she wasn't about to rub whipped cream all over it. It didn't matter how much she had had to drink. She shook her head. James looked, if possible, even less eager.

"I'm in!" Sirius said, jumping up immediately. "Come on Lily, I'll take you on!"

"Oh thank god," Remus whispered to James. "I was sure he was going to say 'I'll take your cherry'." They both shuddered and grinned.

"Remus will you time us?" Lily asked, kneeling in front of the first bowl, tying her hair up and clasping her hands behind her back. Sirius followed her lead.

"Alright, ready, set, go!" Remus cried looking down at his watch. and both dunked their heads into the whipped cream.

"Go! Go! Go!" they cried. James burst out laughing as he saw Lily's redhead bobbing up and down and to the sides, searching for the cherry.

Sirius pulled up for some air and everyone promptly burst out laughing, his entire face was obscured by white cream and his eyes popped out like black marbles. If James were being honest he'd say that Sirius looked a bit like a snow man.

Sirius thrust his face back in for his second go just as Lily lifted her head up, a cherry triumphantly between her teeth.

James, Remus and Ann roared with approval as Lily tapped Sirius on the shoulder. He looked up and sat back, defeated.

"Alas, I've been defeated." He said grandly. "Here, Lily let me congratulate you."

Before he could be stopped he reached over and hugged her, snuggling his whip cream covered face into her shoulder. She shrieked and pulled back.

"Sirius!" She cried, jumping up.

"And that," Ann said dryly. "Is precisely why I didn't want to play."

"You big jerk!" Lily said, staring down at her ruined shirt, aghast. "Sometimes I swear you're an animal."

Lily stared around bewildered as Remus and James looked at each other and burst out laughing.

"Lily…you have no idea!" Remus managed as he struggled for breath.

Sirius however, was looking rather pleased with himself.

"Oh come on, Lily. I was just kidding around. Come here." He said, pulling out his wand. "Imbuo!" he cried, but he swished his wand a little too hard and a waterfall of water, instead of the light stream he had hoped for, gushed out, soaking Lily head to foot.

James immediately stopped laughing. Lily stood there, shaking violently and looking like a drowned rat.

"Well done, you twit!" Ann snapped, jumping up. "Come on Lily let's get you upstairs."

She took Lily by the hand and walked her out the door, turning to give Sirius one last scathing glare.

"What the fuck, mate?" James asked, shaking his head as he started to clean up.

"Sorry, Prongs. You know I've never mastered that spell." Sirius said, having the good grace to look at least a little ashamed.

"Well then you should have let me do it." James said fiercely.

Sirius stared at him blankly for a minute. "Wait a second, are you actually mad at me?" he asked in disbelief.

Remus wisely ducked his head down and kept cleaning. There was no way he was going to get involved in this.

"No, I'm thrilled." James said sarcastically, his eyes flashing. "You just drenched my wife because you hate to lose!"

Sirius held up his hands. "Come on, now, Prongs. I was just having a little fun! What's the big deal? I thought you didn't even like her."

James turned away. "That is so not the point!"

Sirius stared at him hard, for a moment. Understanding finally dawning on him. He'd never seen James like this before. It was so long ago he would have joined in himself.

"Oh," Sirius whispered grinning slowly. "That's it, isn't it? You do like her."

To Sirius' complete bewilderment James blushed.

"Whoa, you really like her!" Sirius cried.

"Let it lie, Sirius." Remus warned.

"Let what lie?" Lily asked curiously, reemerging in fresh clothes, Ann following, her arms crossed sourly.

"Sirius wanted to make some long drawn out apology." James said, jumping in, shooting Sirius and Remus significant looks.

Sirius could be a bit thick sometimes, but James was his best mate and he always had his mate's back.

"Remus tried to convince me that brevity was the soul of wit but I can't contain myself!" he cried, falling to his knees dramatically. "Lily I am shamed. I lay myself at your mercy."

Ann and Lily exchanged looks, even smiling despite themselves. But Sirius wasn't done.

"I ask, nay, I beg for your forgiveness. For I am but a mere pawn to such a goddess." He held his hands up to her as if in prayer.

Lily giggled and swatted him playfully. "You're forgiven."

"Oh thank you oh magnanimous one!"

James rolled his eyes across the room. Some things never changed, like Sirius' infuriating affect on women.

"Alright, enough! It's almost midnight!" Remus called, picking up the last of the mess. "If you could close the curtain on tonight's performance, Sirius, that'd be peachy!"

Remus, like James, had long since stopped being amused by Sirius' antics. What had been charming at eleven was grating at twenty.

They all poured themselves fresh glasses of Champagne and turned to the clock above the mantle.

"Ten…Nine…Eight…" they chanted holding up their wands in anticipation.

"Seven…Six...Five…" Sirius, eyes sparkling mysteriously, positioned himself next to Lily. Lily grinned at James, Ann smiling beside her.

"Four…Three…Two…" Remus watching Sirius' movement with alarm. He knew that look.

"ONE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!" They all cried as confetti, glitter and balloons burst from the wands, Remus' wand playing Auld Lang Syne.

"_Should old acquaintance be forgot,_

_and never brought to mind ?_

_Should old acquaintance be forgot,_

_and old times since_" he sang along cheerfully.

Sirius rushed forward, purposefully pushing Lily. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Lily tumble into James' arms. He grinned and grasped Ann roughly by the shoulders, kissing her. Shocked, she acquiesced.

"Thanks," Lily said breathlessly, looking up at James.

The confetti and glitter fell all around them, landing in the hair and on their clothes.

"No problem." James muttered, but he didn't let go. "You have something…just there…" he whispered and brushed a bit of confetti off of her cheek.

"Oh just kiss her, already." Sirius huffed, releasing a horrified Ann. "It's tradition isn't it?"

If James hadn't been focused on the very pretty girl in his arms he would have punched Sirius. The man never had mastered subtlety. As it was he focused on her deep green eyes, staring up at him. He noticed she was shaking slightly.

"It is tradition," he whispered softly. She nodded, never taking her eyes off his. He could hear her heart beating. Slowly, gently he leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers.

James had every intention of keeping it a chaste kiss, but then something extraordinary happened. She kissed him back. Slowly at first, but then rougher, urgently. For a moment they were lost in that kiss, in each other.

James memorized the feel of her slightly chapped lips. Her upper lip was thinner than the bottom one. She tasted like whip cream and champagne.

He could have stood there forever, kissing her when the song on Remus' wand ended, and they were both forced into reality. They broke apart abruptly, both pink and aware of their friends starting at them in shock. James felt a little dazed. He hadn't seen that coming.

"Right," Lily said, sounding a bit strangled. "Tradition." And she promptly kissed both Remus and Sirius.

Of course, she didn't blush when she broke apart from either of them.

James lay stretched out in his bed, yawning hugely. Ann, Sirius and Remus had only just left and it was after two. His bed felt incredibly soft and alluring. He snuggled in happily, vaguely wondered if Lily was snuggled in for the night as well. He smiled.

She'd kissed him.

Well, sort of. She'd also kissed Remus and Sirius too. But that didn't change the fact that she had kissed him.

He was just drifting off to sleep with images of champagne, cherries and whip cream floating through his head when he heard a rough tapping on the window.

"Bugger off." He cried into the pillow. "It's the bloody middle of the night!"

But the tapping had no sense of politeness and continued along. Groaning, he pulled himself from the bed and opened the window, his father's owl flying in just long enough to drop a large sealed envelope before flying out again.

James glanced at it.

_To be opened only in the case of an emergency_

It read in his father's neat handwriting. James rolled his eyes and tossed the envelope to the ground. His father was really going off his rocker. In James opinion it was bad manners to send anything in the middle of the night that wasn't an emergency at that particular moment.

But then what James thought rarely mattered to his father. He flopped back on to the bed. Where was he? Ah, yes….champagne, cherries and whip cream…

* * *

**A/N **– and there you have in, nearly five thousand words of fuff. This was the longest chapter yet, which is why it took me song long. A chapter of only fluff makes me a bit nervous, so I hope you all liked it!

Next time on As Is – James formulates a plan, puts the plan into action and something completely shocking happens…dun, dun, dun!

Thanks to:

**Cherrykisses21** – your reviews always make me smile!

**Katie –** I'm on break now so it's easier for me to update faster. I hope you didn't wait too long for this one! Also, fun fact, we have the same name!

**Godrico Gryffindor** – thanks : D

**MarauderMapper** – I'm so pleased that you liked the newspaper headlines and the domestic issues. I thought it would be a bit silly if both James and Lily work in issues relating to the government policy and we never heard a word about them. After all, they're not in school anymore so seemed appropriate that they wouldn't be totally isolated. BTW love the name!

**RavieGrint** – well if you liked fluff then this chapter must have really been up your alley! ;) And next chapter has some huge danger for Lily, though I don't want to give it away so you'll just have to wait and see!

**MissSaraJean-Jellybean47** – Boys are silly. They never appreciate what they have until it might be taken away. But if that's what it takes to get James to come around…

**PottersLittleSister** – Loved the snow bit too…it's a bit of a dream of mine to be kissed in the snow…alas…

James' parents are much to controlled to have a scene at Christmas, particularly in front of James. They do love him, they're just not about to get all mushy about it. As for James, he does have a good heart, and we all knew he'd come around eventually. I'm glad the last scene made you giggle. It made me giggle too. It's exactly what I would have said ;) And I think you got a bit more James and Lily time!

**Sakura Lisel** – well I think, as far as the moving picture goes, Sirius was a bit busy with his lady friend to notice anything James was doing. And James' lady friend was bit preoccupied with press….;)

**I-am-Tink** – why thank you!

**WhiteCamellia** – It's one of my favorite chapters, so I'm glad you like it!

**wicked26** – I have a bit of fun with protective James. And I think, once he gets his head out of his ass, he's actually a very sweet guy. I've enjoyed writing James because I wanted to write a real person, and let's face it, most of the time he comes off as a prince charming. But I thought it would be more interesting, and realistic to write about a spoiled, only child teenage boy who has to grow up – which I hope I'm portraying well ;)


	12. Maybe I'm Just Speaking For Me

**As Is**

**Chapter Eleven**

**Subtitled:** _Maybe I'm Just Speaking for Me_

**Quotation:** _"We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone." Orson Wells_

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* * *

  
_

James sighed and stretched luxuriously. The sun was shining into his room, waking him before his alarm. He had to go back today but he didn't much mind.

He'd liked rattling around the house with Lily. He thought he would never get used to living with someone besides Sirius. Since he was eleven, Sirius had been his constant companion. He'd lived with him, eaten with him, opened presents with his and done a million and one every day things with him.

But he'd gotten used to Lily, how she was always dashing around in rush, how she was late to everything, the way she twiddled her fork when she ate, how her every smile seemed spontaneous, as if she were surprised by her own happiness.

Still it would be good to get back to work – to his routine. James swung his legs over the bed and set about getting ready for his day.

He walked into the dining room to find Lily cramming parchment into her bag, taking hurried bites of her apples.

"Morning." He said, smiling and sitting down for his daily oatmeal.

"Morning." She replied thickly through her apple. "I'm off!" she cried and waved, slinging the bag over her shoulder and swishing her wand.

James watched her go, feeling an odd pang in his stomach. He'd thought relentlessly about that kiss. Sometimes it was hard to believe it was only forty-eight hours ago. It seemed like a different lifetime. James may have been obsessing about their kiss but as far as he could tell Lily hadn't given it two thoughts. They were right back to where they were after Christmas, before that night, before that kiss.

And it was infuriating.

The morning after she had acted like nothing had happened. She was breezy, cheerful, chatty even.

And it was driving him insane.

He sighed, taking another bite of his oatmeal. A hand reached out from behind him and grabbed his spoon.

James reached for his wand instantly and whirled ready to attack, knocking down the chair in the process.

"Easy there Jamie." Sirius chuckled, hands in the air, the spoon clattering to the ground. "I come in peace."

James' heart was still beating rapidly, his breathing heavy. He slowly lowered his wand.

"Jesus Christ Sirius! You scared the hell out of me." James said, as he picked up the chair.

"Sorry Prongs. I was out of food and you always have the goods here." Sirius said easily, flopping easily into one of the other chairs. "You're pretty jumpy. Afraid it was the boogey man?"

He sat down again, gesturing to the house elf at his elbow for another spoon.

"Something like that." James muttered.

Actually he'd thought they had come for Lily.

Sirius smiled happily at him. "So there's one good thing about this who arresting business."

James raised an eyebrow skeptically.

"Purebloods are at a premium. Someone might actually hire me."

"Purebloods may be at a premium, but you never are." James said sullenly, still annoyed with Sirius.

Sirius rolled his eyes as the house elf put a plate of eggs in front of him. "So how's Lily? Shag her yet?"

James sighed. It was back to her again.

"No progress, none at all."

Sirius stared at him in disbelief . "What the hell is wrong with you? You live together for god's sake. It's like she's been handed to you on a silver platter."

James ran his hands through his hair. "Believe me. I know. But what am I supposed to do? It's not like I can ask her on a date!"

Sirius chewed his bacon thoughtfully. "I don't see why not, chicks love that stuff."

James laughed humorlessly.

"What am I supposed to do? Ask her if she'll go steady with me?"

Sirius shrugged. "At least you'll know what to say when she asks where this all going."

"It is convenient to already be married to the girl I have a crush on." James conceded.

"Look mate, you're over thinking this." Sirius said, taking a bite of James' oatmeal. "Just surprise her at work. Take her out to lunch or something."

James smiled. "You know that's not a half bad idea." He stood up, wiping his mouth with a napkin and grabbed his briefcase. "I have to get to work!"

"Get her flowers or something!" Sirius called after him as he disappeared into thin air.

* * *

Lily swiveled around in her chair tapping her fingers impatiently. She couldn't concentrate. At the moment she couldn't care less about the status of vampires. She could just hear James' lecture about the importance of equality and considering her own precarious situation she knew it should matter more. But it didn't.

She looked back down at the parchment.

She needed to get this finished. The editorial meeting hadn't gone well. They'd given her time off for Christmas, the first break from eighteen hour days she'd had since October.

It used to be so easy, but nothing was easy anymore. She didn't know why she was so off today but her brain could barely function.

She shoved the parchment away roughly and groaned in frustration.

"Alright," Foster said, grinning opposite her. "What gives, you've been attacking that parchment all morning."

"I don't know. I can't really concentrate."

"Trouble with the hubby?" he asked, not looking particularly upset by the idea.

Lily paused. That was the question, wasn't it? She had no idea how things were with the hubby. They were starting to be friends. She wasn't sure she trusted him but she did enjoy him.

He was precise, meticulous, almost anal – his hair was the only messy thing about him. And he had treated her so horribly. He had humiliated her, ignored her, cheated on her.

But he was smart too, and sometimes he looked at her so intensely as if he were trying to figure something out as if she were some secret he could uncover.

And he was really cute. He had been half naked on New Years Eve from the strip poker and she'd gotten a good look at his chest. She remembered how his arms had felt when he had kissed her. There had been a little bit of stubble on his jaw and it tickled when they kissed.

And he had been so gentle with her, as if he had been afraid to break her.

She shivered.

"It's complicated." She muttered but gave Foster a small smile.

"Let's grab some lunch, get your mind of things!" he said

"Yeah, okay." Lily agreed. Getting out would be good. It would clear her head.

Foster looked over her should and his smiled disappeared.

"Speak of the devil." Foster said churlishly.

Lily turned around and saw James walking towards her with a dozen daises.

It was the strangest thing she had ever seen. What on earth was he on about?

Complicated?

That wasn't the half of it.

"Hey James," she said, swiveling around fully to face him

"'Lo." He said, smiling at her. But he seemed wary, almost nervous. He stood there awkwardly for a moment.

"Are those for me?" Lily asked finally.

To her amazement, James blushed, his eyes going from Foster to Lily and back again questioningly.

"Oh yeah, yeah they are. I finished up some work and was wondering if you fancied some lunch." He said smiling his normal charming smile.

Lily felt relieved. A nervous James unsettled her.

"Sure." She said, taking the flowers from him and standing up and grabbing her cloak. "Oh, wait. I just told Foster I would get lunch with him. "

This had to the most awkward moment of her life. She stood between them - sweet, sensible Foster on her right and infuriating, complicated James on her left.

The symbolism wasn't lost on her.

"Nah it's okay." Foster said, looking uncomfortable.

"No, please join us." James said mechanically, forcing the words out of his mouth. They sounded more like a threat then an invitation

Foster shrugged and stood up. "Yeah, okay." He said but he looked less then thrilled at the idea.

As they headed towards the door, James glanced at his flowers. They lay sadly on the desk, forgotten.

So much for a romantic date.

* * *

James lay on his bed, staring up at the dark ceiling.

His fan swung around and around above him. The white noise was soothing and he needed to be soothed.

Everything had gone horribly awry. About half way through that terribly awkward lunch he realized what his mistake had been.

He was going about things all wrong.

Lunch was wrong. A lunch could be easily misinterpreted. A lunch was friendly. He needed to go bigger…much bigger.

He needed to do something that couldn't be misinterpreted.

He just had no clue what.

* * *

Lily laughed as she poured olive oil into the sauce. They kicked out the elves for the night and were cooking for themselves.

The weak February sun was just setting as she reached for the noodles, pouring them into the boiling water.

"Here, let me do that." James said coming from behind her, his breath hot on her neck. She shuddered involuntarily, but James noticed, and he suppressed a smile.

He took the spoon from her, their arms touching.

Lily walked to the fridge, the closeness getting to her. He had been so close, she could still smell him.

James watched her walk away, sensing her discomfort. He didn't know whether to be pleased or not.

For the past six weeks, James had been on a mission to seduce Lily. He would accidently brush her thigh, caress her cheek, stand a little to close. He was charming, sweet, understanding. He never went out with other girls. He spent time with her. He was her friend – who he kept accidently touching, of course.

He had no idea if it was working on Lily, but it sure was working on him.

His crush had turned from attraction to full blown lust. He wanted her.

Bad.

"Oh, so did I tell you about the latest thing with Demelza?" She asked turning from the fridge with the cream, a carrot in her mouth.

She handed him the milk, which he poured into the sauce and then hoisted herself onto the counter, chomping into the carrot loudly.

"What did she do this time?" he asked, amused. He'd heard so much office gossip in the past six weeks, he felt like he should earn a bra.

"She was screaming at her fiancé in the middle of the office. Just reaming him for not being nice enough to her mother! Can you believe that?" she asked, laughing at the memory.

"Poor guy." James said sympathetically.

Lily nodded eagerly. "I know right! She told him he'd better have something great planned for Valentines Day. If he's smart he'll break it off now. "

"Speaking of which, we should do something." James said, choosing his words very carefully. He had picked this moment exactly. He had been waiting for almost a week for Lily to mention Valentines Day. It was hard to bring something like that up casually.

Lily detected nothing. "I suppose we should," she sighed, her good mood gone.

She and James had been going out for dinner once a week like clockwork. She'd enjoyed all of them. It wasn't that. James had become one of her best friends. But playacting at a happy marriage was exhausting.

She often watched other couples at those times – real couples. In those moments her stomach would churn with longing. She wanted to be held, to be touched, to be wanted.

She wanted to want.

This marriage was infinitely better now then it had been only a couple months before, but still, there remained that burning in her stomach, that need, that yearning.

And as the weeks passed it only grew stronger. She had known it would be an act when she had signed on to this crazy game. She knew she had to do it. But she hadn't known that her motivations to stay would only grow stronger. That she had boxed herself out of any chance to find love, real love.

She glanced at James, stirring the sauce cheerfully.

If only… If only

"So what do you want to do?" Lily asked, hopping down and throwing the rest of the carrot in the sink.

James shrugged indifferently. "Let me take care of it. Just come home after work. I'll make reservations somewhere."

Lily sighed.

Even the day of love was just another day in their never-ending play. God she wished the curtains would close already.

* * *

Lily balanced her bag on her arm as she searched for her keys through a sea of wallets, business cards, bits of parchment and quills. She pulled it out triumphantly and opened the door. She glanced at her watch. It was ten to seven and James had said their reservation was for seven thirty.

She was going to have rush.

"James!" she called.

Only silence answered.

"James!" she yelled again, louder. Again no answer.

Apparently she wasn't the only one who was going to have to hurry.

She dropped her bag on the floor and took the stairs two at a time, jogging into her room.

She walked into her closet, pulled off her clothes and wriggled into a blue cocktail dress. She grabbed silver, strappy heels from her shelf and put them on as she walked into the bathroom. She was running low on time and put on only some mascara and red lipstick.

Her hair was still up in the messy bun she'd been wearing all day and she pulled out the hair tie, running her hands through it.

It ran in waves to her shoulder blade. She didn't look fantastic, but good enough.

She sighed, walked out, heading back downstairs.

"James! Are you home? We need to leave!" she called, putting in her diamond earrings, courtesy of Jenskins and Sons, in as she walked down the stairs.

"I'm in the ballroom!" he yelled back.

Lily's eyebrows knit in confusion but she followed his voice down the hall to the very end of the house. She'd only been in the ballroom once before, when they had first moved in.

She hadn't had a lot call for waltzing these days.

"James, we really need to –" She stopped, her breath leaving her as she walked into the ballroom.

The room was covered in thousands of bright, shiny light that twinkled from ceiling to floor, wall to wall. Hundreds of pink rose petals floated around her, suspended in mid air. In the center of the huge room was a small table, set for two with a white tablecloth and a large, gold candelabra.

And then there was James.

He was standing silently by one of the chairs in a tux. In one hand he held a pink rose and in the other was a bottle of champagne.

"Did you do all this?" she whispered, walking into the sea of petals, unconsciously reaching out to touch one. It was soft and velvety between her fingers.

He nodded, watching her intently, holding his breath.

"Why?" she breathed, turning around in complete amazement.

James shrugged. Words had never really been his strong suit.

"Do you…" he hesitated. "Do you like it?"

She looked up at him, her eyes shiny with unshed tears. She couldn't believe he'd done all this. Even with the house elves help it would have taken hours.

"It's incredible!" she breathed and threw her arms around him. "But how did you do all this?"

She broke away and walked a few feet, turning around, taking it all in. She couldn't believe anyone had done all this for her, let alone her husband.

"I know you've been under a lot of stress and I wanted to do something nice. You know, instead of just going out to dinner. Remus helped, to be honest." He admitted, secretly vowing to pay back his friend. "And I called in sick to work."

"I don't know what to say, James. Except this is incredible!"

"You said that already." James said, smiling.

She laughed. "Well it's still true! So what's for dinner?" she asked, lifting the plate cover off of one of the plates finding rather watery macaroni and cheese. She looked up at him, grinning.

"Houselves call in sick too?"

James blushed. "I wanted to do everything myself, but by the time I did all this, I realized I didn't have time to make a real dinner. Sorry." She shrugged sheepishly.

Lily smiled warmly at him and sat down.

"Don't be. Besides I've heard Champagne goes great with Italian food."

James smiled back and sat down as well. He popped open the champagne, not a single drop overflowing.

Lily raised an eyebrow. She was impressed. The man had skills.

He poured her a glass and then himself.

Lily took a sip, savoring the bubbles on her tongues. She grabbed a fork and took a bite of the macaroni, just as James did the same.

It was truly horrible.

Their eyes met and they both burst out laughing.

"Next time I'll have the houselves help." He promised.

Lily giggled. James had many skills but macaroni and cheese clearly wasn't one of them.

"Shut up! Sirius actually did that? McGonagall must have had a conniption!" Lily laughed, leaning back, her half-empty glass in hand.

"You have no idea. I'd never actually seen a face turn purple before." James said, laughing at the memory.

"Well you spiked the punch at a teenage dance! What did you think she would do? Pour you another drink?" She asked, rolling her eyes. "Teenage boys can be so stupid sometimes."

"I can't believe you don't remember that! You must have seen her go nuts on us." James said, refilling their drinks.

"Uh actually I didn't go to the dance my fourth year." Lily said, running a hand through her hair.

James looked at her curiously. "Why not? I thought everyone went?"

Lily blushed. "No one asked me." She confessed sheepishly.

James stared at her in disbelief. Teenage boys could be stupid, indeed.

"Well let's fix that!" he said, jumping up and reaching for her hand.

"What are you doing?" she asked, looking blankly at his hand.

"Asking you to dance, of course." He said and winked at her.

She hesitated.

"Come on! Don't make me beg." He cajoled, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

She sighed but got up. "But there isn't any music!" she insisted.

He pulled her into his arms.

"What's the matter, Lily? Don't you believe in magic?" he teased gently, pulling his wand out and flicking it, classical music filing the room. He put the wand back in his pocket.

He placed his right hand on her waist and held out his left, which she reluctantly placed her right hand in.

He moved his left foot slowly forward. Lily tentatively followed his lead. At first she kept her eyes trained on their feet, trying desperately to keep time.

But eventually James' confident movements eased her and soon she was relaxed, even enjoying herself as they whirled about the room. Macaroni and cheese may not be a strength of his, but dancing was.

James was humming softly to the music, clearly a tune he'd heard many times before. His voice was deep and smooth.

He smelled of musk and something spicy she couldn't quiet place. It soothed her, calmed her. She felt safe.

She looked up at him, studying his face.

If she was going to be honest, James' nose was slightly too long and his eyes were perhaps a bit too close together.

But in the moment it didn't matter.

His eyes met hers, aware that she had been watching him. He saw the look in her eyes and stopped dancing.

"James –"

He pulled her towards him and kissed her, effectively cut her off.

But she didn't care. She kissed him back, pulling him to her, trying to close the space between them.

He pushed her against the wall, his hand caressing her thigh. He moved to her throat, placing soft kisses down the length.

She moaned in approval.

He stopped and looked in her eyes for approval. She was breathing heavily.

"Upstairs?" she gasped.

He raised his eyebrows. If he'd known it was going to be this easy, he would have cooked bad macaroni and cheese months ago.

He nodded picking her up by the hips, her legs straddling his hips. She started to unbutton his shirt, sucking on his neck in the process.

He started to walk but she stopped him.

"Wait," she whispered huskily into his ear.

"What?" James asked missing the feel of her mouth on his neck.

"Just apparate, it's faster." She said urgently, sucking on his ear.

James whimpered in pleasure. He liked the way she thought. He didn't need to be told twice.

He pulled out his wand and a moment later he was standing in his room, Lily still straddling him. He walked to the bed and she scrambled back, pulling him forcibly by the collar on top of her.

She wasn't sure how this had happened, but she didn't much care. All she knew was that she was lonely, and tired and she needed this.

She kissed him harder, practically ripping his jacket off him and then struggling with his bowtie.

He caressed her breast softly and she panted in anticipation. It had been so long since she had been touched.

He reached under her and fumbled with the zipper.

She giggled.

"Formal wear complicates this!" He growled in frustration.

She pushed him off gently and turned her back to him. He grabbed the zipper impatiently, almost breaking it. She shimmied out of the dress, throwing it the floor while he untied his bow tie. She unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off.

He grabbed her hungrily and kissed her, pulling her on top of him. His hand grazed her blue lacy bra, goosebumps covering her. The prospect of pleasure filled her.

He could hear her heart beating loudly and relentlessly. He could feel the heat emanating off of her in waves. He'd never wanted anything as bad as he wanted her.

He unclasped her bra with one deft motion, tossing it aside. She gasped in surprise, rolling off of him and pulling him onto, reaching for his belt buckle.

He stopped for a moment, searching her face for permission, vaguely wondering if they should talk about this first.

But Lily was done talking. For months she'd done nothing but talk.

She was scared, and lonely. And for once she just wanted to do. She pulled him back to her. There was no going back now.

They were alone. There was no press, or in-laws, or coworkers to impress. James pulled back for a second to take of his pants and she reached out to switch off the bedside light.

The curtain had finally closed. The audience was gone and now even the spotlight had been turned off. They were in the dark and it felt good.

James' hands roamed freely as he removed her panties, pulling her back into the moment. She cried out loudly in surprise.

She might be lonely, but for the moment at least, Lily Evans wasn't alone.

* * *

James' eyes fluttered open. He blinked several times, his eyes adjusting to the light.

"You're up." Lily said, smiling at him. She was standing by the bed, buttoning his shirt from the night before.

"Going somewhere?" he asked, rolling onto his side and propping his head up with his palm.

"Yeah I was going to run to the store in my underwear and your shirt," she said rolling her eyes. "I'm going downstairs to grab some breakfast."

His eyes appraised her appreciatively. She looked sexy in just his oversized white shirt, her red hair spilling over his shoulders.

"I wish you wouldn't." he murmured suggestively, reaching for her hand. "Come back to bed!" he pleaded.

She hesitated for a moment. The bed did look alluring, especially with a naked man in it. Leaned down, and took his head in her hands, kissing him passionately.

He was just pulling her back to the bed when the was a soft knock at the door.

They both groaned and leaned back.

"Come in!" James called, seriously annoyed,

A small house elf padded in.

"Master, men are here to see Mistress." She squeaked.

"Men, huh?" James teased, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

She swatted him playfully. "It's probably Foster, he said he would drop off some drafts on his way to his sister's."

She took off his shirt and handed it to him, grabbing her dress and zipping it. He sighed and pulled on his pants and buttoning his shirt.

"He could owl it, like everyone else." he muttered sourly.

She glared at him and pulled him towards the door.

"It was on his way. Come on, let's just go down and try to be nice please."

"I'm always nice." James said sulkily, following her down the stairs.

She giggled. "Don't have to tell me. I've experienced it first hand." She poked him playfully in the stomach.

She paused as the reached the bottom of the stairs. It was Foster at all. Instead there were three men in scarlet robes.

"Mrs. Lily Potter?" A tall man with salt and pepper hair asked.

"Yes, may I help you?"

Another man moved towards her, his wand raised. He flicked it and a moment later her hands were tied together in front of her with thick ropes.

"What the hell are you doing?" James cried, furious that he'd left his wand upstairs.

"Mrs. Potter you are under arrest. You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defense if you fail to mention when questioned something, which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say will be given in evidence."

* * *

**A/N – **sorry about the cliffhanger! I know it's mean! Hope you all liked this one. I'm nervous so please, please, please review!!!

Thanks to:

Sirius leigh, feeling5, tictac86, whitecamellia, Katie, cherrykisses21

Flowerypetal – James was tired. I promised the next morning he picked up the envelope and promptly filed it away.

Startofadream2309 – there was more lily in this one! I missed her too but for the last couple of chapters most of the emotional development was on James part so she sort of took the back seat for awhile.

RavieGrint- Well you got a taste of the danger and loads more fluff! I love writing Sirius. The one sad thing about this not taking place at Hogwarts is we don't get to see as much of his friends. After all, they don't work together or live together. Hope you liked this one.

Wicked26 – a little bit of fluff is good. Even now they won't be too couply sex even in marriage doesn't always equal love and in this situation it's still lust.

Don't forget tor review, kids! It only takes a minute but it brightens my whole day!


	13. And You Can Lie

**As Is**

**Chapter Twelve**

**Subtitled:** _And You Can Lie_

**Quotations:** _"Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future." Fulton Oursler_

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James reeled, barely breathing.

"Lily!" he screamed, launching himself at the men but it was too late.

With a pop, the three men apparated.

Lily was gone.

He had to hand it to them. They were neat. There was no scene, no witnesses, no proof they'd been there at all.

But there was no time to think. He had to get to the ministry, to Lily. His head was spinning, as he desperately tried to piece together some kind of plan. He started towards his room where his wand lay on his bedside table but stopped. He needed to find Dumbledore. Now.

He sprinted into the living room and grabbed two pieces of parchment.

_They've arrested Lily_

He scribbled hurriedly.

"Orion!" he yelled, a house elf appearing instantly at his elbow with a soft pop. "Send these to my father and Dumbledore. Now!" he thrust the parchment at the elf, turned on his and ran to the staircase. He scrambled so fast up the stairs that he almost tripped near the top.

His tumbled into his room, struggling for breath, his heart beating out of his chest. He grabbed the first shirt in his drawer and threw it on, shoving his feet into his shoes in the process. He reached for his wand and swished it. He felt his body compressing inward as though he were being pushed from 3D to 2D and an uncomfortable moment later he stretched out again in the atrium of the ministry. It was Sunday and the place was nearly empty.

James' steps echoed loudly as he ran to the lift.

"Level two – Magical Law Enforcement." A cool voice said, and James stepped off, three paper airplanes zooming out of the lift above him.

Despite the day, there was still a slight buzz of activity. He ran to the nearest cubicle.

"My wife was arrested. Whom do I talk to?" He snapped. A small, pixie girl with curly brown hair looked up in surprise.

"James!" a voice called. James turned around so fast he almost knocked over the girl's coffee.

"Zach!" he cried, rushing forward.

Zach Miri had been in the year above him in Hogwarts. They'd never been close friends, but occasionally they grabbed a bite to eat, or a butterbeer.

"James, what are you doing here? I thought you didn't work Sundays."

"My wife, Lily was arrested this morning. I have to find her. Where do they keep prisoners?" He asked frantically, pacing, unable to hold still for even a minute.

Zach frowned sympathetically.

"What's her blood status?" Zach whispered urgently, pulling James aside.

James threw his hands in the air. "What the hell does that have to do with anything!" he cried.

"James," he said quietly. "It has everything do with it and you know it."

"Well it shouldn't!" James cried. "She hasn't done a goddamn thing!" he grabbed Zach by the collar. "Now show me where she is, or stand aside." He growled.

Several people around them had stopped what they were doing, watching curiously. A few poised to intervene if it turned ugly.

Zach was unmoved. He looked at James steadily.

"What are you going to do? Fight three dozen armed aurors by yourself?"

He was sounding infuriatingly like Remus at the moment.

"If I have to!" James cried hotly, but even as he said it, he knew it was impossible and he released Zach, letting him drop to his normal height.

In no scenario could he take on every wizard in the ministry, no matter how bad he might want to.

"Look, go upstairs. Go to your office and cool down. I'll look into in myself. " Zach said bracingly.

James stared at him hard.

"You have my word." Zach promised.

James set his jaw, breathing hard, but seeing the other wizards around him, ready to reach for their wands. He nodded curtly, turned on heel and went back to the lift.

* * *

Lily was alone and shivering.

They'd taken her to a part of the ministry she hadn't even known existed, well below the usual offices and meeting rooms. She was in a cell of some kind, although it was less of a cell and more of dungeon, really. There were no windows, although this was customary in the ministry, and a single oil lamp was lit in the corner, but the lamp was old and elicited little light. The room itself looked as though it hadn't been cleaned in decades. It reminded her a little of the waiting room at the jewelry store, only this time she was pretty sure diamonds didn't await her on the other side of the door.

She huddled on the old wooden bench, rubbing her arms for warmth, the cold wood beneath emitting little warmth. She was still wearing the flimsy blue cocktail dress she'd worn the night before.

Apparently jail wasn't a black tie affair.

A rat scuttled in the corner and she suppressed the strong urge to scream, uncomfortably aware of her exposed flesh.

To her right was relentless dripping coming from an unknown source.

Drip

Drip

Drip

Her stomach growled. She hadn't eaten since that pathetic macaroni and cheese the night before. She now wished she'd ignored the taste and had seconds.

She didn't know how long she had been in there. Maybe it was minutes. Maybe it was hours. For one horrible moment she wondered if she would ever see James again.

James.

She swallowed a hard lump in her throat, tears pouring down her cheeks, trying not to think about the fact that James' office was above her somewhere. She was so close to him and yet, so alone. She stopped herself from wondering if he would be coming to save her.

It was better not to hope.

It was better not to think.

It was best not to feel.

The door opened with a creak, three men walking in. Two men entered, wands raised.

Lily looked up in surprise, shaking with fear.

They walked up to her, each one taking an arm.

"Mrs. Potter, please come with us." The man on her right said coldly.

She wondered that he bothered to ask at all, as they were practically dragging her out of the room.

But then she supposed that anything had to be preferable to the freezing cell.

* * *

James paced the length of his office in three easy strides, and turned back to do it again for the hundredth time. He was clutching his wand, poised to spring at the slightest provocation. He had never hated anyone the way he hated himself.

He felt emasculated. What kind of man was he? He couldn't even protect his own wife.

The worst part was that he didn't see any way out of this. For all his money, and all of his connections, there was a very real chance that Lily was gone forever. She'd only married him in the first place to protect herself, and even that hadn't been afforded her.

Barely even able to stand the feel of his own body, he tortured himself, thinking of all the time he had wasted. Time that could have been spent preparing for this. Time that could have been spent with her.

And what had he done with that time instead?

He had thrown it away on cheap drinks and even cheaper girls. He didn't deserve to live.

There was a hiss, shocking him out of his furious pacing and James pounced, his wand raised.

"Jamie, it's me." His father said soothingly, his arms raised as he stepped out of the fire, his navy cloak whooshing benignly behind him. He watched the feral look on James' face carefully, ready to defend himself, as though approaching a wild animal.

But James would know that voice anywhere and relaxed immediately. He smiled tightly at his father, no hint of warmth , but a lack of hostility evident.

"They have Lily." James said fiercely, almost disappointed that it had been his father. He had been so ready to hex someone into oblivion.

"Yes." Baldwin said cautiously, sitting down, well aware of his son's hungry look. "I got your owl. The envelope I sent you awhile back. You got it, didn't you?"

James could barely think clearly but he forced himself. He remembered the owl in the middle of the night, the annoyance. But a strange new feeling was filling him, one that felt oddly like hope.

"Yes," he cried suddenly, striding to his filing cabinet. "Just after New Year?"

"Just so!" Baldwin said as James filed through the metal drawer impatiently, eager for the contents.

A moment later he pulled out the envelope, the writing on the front he had once been so irritated to see. Nothing had ever looked so beautiful to him in his entire life.

"What is it?" James asked, suddenly suspicious, holding the envelope as though it might at any moment burst into flames. He never thought he'd see the day where he'd be questioning his own father, but then his coworkers had just arrested his own wife for being born.

Nothing was certain.

He stared at his father hard. His father's hazel eyes flashing in the firelight. Eyes James knew well, too well, eyes he saw every morning in the mirror.

"Open it." Baldwin said quietly, his eyes fixed on James.

James tore the back with a vengeance, pulling out the contents so fast his father was afraid he'd tear it.

James held the papers in his hands, shaking body to toe.

"You can't be serious." He said, his voice wavering, staring at the parchment, any hope draining from him. "This is unbelievably illegal, dad. If you were caught…"

Baldwin sighed heavily. "There was no other way."

James locked eyes with him and nodded grimly. He was right. There was no other way and he'd rather go down as a man trying to save Lily then retreat to the safety of his cavernous home, one that now smelled horribly of Lily.

* * *

"I'll ask you again, from whom did you steal your powers!" a large dark haired man screamed.

Lily gulped, tears falling freely.

She was sitting in a mildewed room, the table that sat in front of her was rotting, the right leg significantly shorter than the rest. For an undeterminable amount of time she had sat in that room, answering inane questions about from where she had procured her wand and the knowledge to cast spells.

She was exhausted and desperately wished she could just tell them what they wanted to know. It had been god knows how long, and if she knew what they wanted to hear she would give them a name, any name. But they were talking nonsense. As if at eleven she had possessed the experience to steal magical knowledge….

As if at eleven she had possessed the knowledge to steal anything…

She was exhausted and the room was spinning,

How long had it been since she'd had anything to eat?

"I told you. I got a letter when I was eleven. I didn't steal my powers from anyone!" she cried exasperated. How many ways could she repeat the same thing?

She saw immediately that her tone would cost her.

A tall, elegant, blond man in the corner sneered at her. He approached her quietly, almost gliding towards the table at which she sat.

He eyed her for a moment thoughtfully and raised his right hand. He stroked her cheek tenderly. Lily flinched.

"Silly mudblood." He chuckled, her blood running cold. "It's a shame really. You are rather pretty. I guess I can see what he see's in you. After all we've all slummed a time or two. Of course marrying you was taking it a bit far. I'm rather fond of my dog, but anyway you slice it she's still a bitch."

Rage filled her and without thinking she looked up into his stony blue eyes and spat in his face.

He didn't recoil but continued to stare at her, his eyes hardening. He slapped her hard across the face, his ring tearing through her soft cheek, blood flowing freely. She slowly raised her hand to her cut, her fingers trembling.

"Enough games." Malfoy said harshly. "Perhaps this will loosen your tongue. Crucio!" he drawled, flicking his wand lazily.

The pain hit Lily was such force she was thrown from her chair. It pressed down upon her, and she felt as though she were drowning, her lungs barely able to expand. Her screams rang through the room and she convulsed on floor, vaguely aware of her dress ripping, her body exposed for the whole room to see.

But then it was over as soon it had begun. She lay curled up on the floor, shaking uncontrollably, barely aware of anything except the absence of pain.

"Now, let's try this again." Malfoy said. "From whom did you steal your powers, mudblood?" he spat at her.

If only she knew what to say…

She braced herself for another round of pain.

* * *

"I'm telling you, it's all a mistake!" Baldwin Potter roared. "I demand to speak to Cicerus Waldus immediately! We've been here for hours! Tell him Baldwin Potter asked for him!" Baldwin leaned against the desk, breathing heavily.

"Fine, alright, sir." The secretary huffed, looking thoroughly put out. She tossed her strawberry blonde hair and stalked off, thinking that it wasn't bad enough she had to work during the weekend, but having to deal with moody purebloods was beyond her pay grade.

She sulked off, thinking of demanding a raised.

"Baldwin!" Cicerus cried, looking thoroughly put out, as he emerged from his office. "What on god's green earth are you doing here? It's the middle of the night!"

"I'm here because you have my daughter-in-law in detention!" Baldwin said fiercely, advancing towards the small, squat man.

"Well what has she done?" Cicerus asked, looking very tired and sitting in the nearest desk. It was the tenth angry family member he'd dealt with that day. He had just been recapping the Cannon's game and he resented being pulled away, even for an old friend.

"Nothing!" James yelled, barely able to contain himself. He was this close to forgetting the whole plan and just blowing his father's friend's head in.

Baldwin immediately held out his hand to both restrain and calm his son.

Theatrics wouldn't help anything.

"There's been talk that my daughter-in-law is a mudblood. It's a vicious lie." Baldwin whispered, looking exasperated.

James didn't know what he admired more: his father's acting or his self-restraint.

"Lily Evans?" Cicerus whispered back conspiratorially.

"Potter." James shot back.

Cicerus looked slightly abashed. "Right, Lily Potter." He shot a furtive glace at James . "Look, this may come as shock, but we have proof that she's a …a….mudblood." he swallowed uncomfortably.

Whatever Cicerus' faults, he clearly was accustomed to saying 'mudblood'.

"I know the charges, and I'm telling you, I have undeniable proof that she's not! Please lead me to the people in charge of her case, or I'll take it to the Prophet!" Baldwin said, his eyes blazing.

Cicerus hesitated.

"Look, whatever the political climate, the Prophet still takes galleons. If you wont listen, I'm sure my Gringott's account will make England listen." Baldwin said, advancing towards Cicerus, his wand raised menacingly. "You may think you control everything, including the Prophet, but I think you'll find your control seriously lacking in some areas!"

"Anna!" Cicerus squeaked, backing from the wand, terrified. "Get Mr. Malfoy from cell three please,"

The woman, Anna, scurried down the hall.

A moment later a tall, blond man marched deliberately from the direction Anna had run, his scarlet cloak swishing around him.

James recognized him – Lucius Malfoy. He'd been a few years ahead of him at school and had been just as distasteful to James then as he was now.

"Baldwin?" Lucius sneered, looking at James appraisingly, not liking what he saw. "Can I help you?" he asked, but there was nothing solicitous in his tone.

"Yes, " Baldwin said coldly. "You seem to be under the impression that my daughter-in-law is a muggleborn."

"Am I?" Lucius said lightly, leaning against Anna's desk, tapping his fingers impatiently. "However did I come to that conclusion?"

"Probably the way you come to most of you conclusions, Lucius. " Baldwin said politely, but James could see from his father's clenched fists that it took everything in him not to punch the man, Lucius, in the nose. "You were given false information."

Lucius bristled, ready to draw his wand.

Baldwin was utterly unperturbed.

"I have here, sir, documents that may interest you." Baldwin said, pulling several papers from his cloak and handing them to him.

Lucius looked at them for a moment before tossing them scornfully on the desk.

"And these are what?" he scoffed.

"Those," Baldwin said coolly. "Are the birth, and death certificates of Edward Mckinnon and his wife, Emily as well as their two sons, Charles and William."

"So…?"

"They were, as you know, purebloods." Baldwin said calmly.

Lucius observed the older man with something approaching self control.

"Are you going to procure the records of all purebloods ever, or may I go back to work?" he muttered coldly.

Baldwin appeared not to have heard him.

"As you probably know, Edward, Emily, their two young sons and their infant daughter were said to have been the victims of an unfortunate cauldron explosion."

"Yes, Baldwin, even at the tender age of ten I was able to read the papers." Lucius sneered, glancing quite obviously at his watch.

"What is not commonly known is their daughter, then an infant, was with the nanny at the market at the time of the explosion. After the untimely event of her parent's death she was adopted by a squib cousin and raised as Lily Evans. I present Lily Potter's birth and adoption papers to you. My son's wife's blood is as pure as your own." Baldwin laid the papers on the desk triumphantly.

Lucius scooped them up disbelievingly. He scoured each certificate, willing a fault to present itself, turning each page almost violently.

"This can't be." Lucius whispered to himself.

"It is." Baldwin said tranquilly. "Now, my daughter-in-law if you please?"

Lucius looked up murderously. James gripped his wand even tighter, ready to strike, to be given a reason to be less helpless, less useless.

Lucius met his glare, but even as he tensed, he seemed to see reason and relaxed as he slowly regained control over himself, oddly stroking his forearm placatingly.

"Of course." He said serenely. "Anna, if you'll fetch Mrs. Potter?"

Anna appeared from the nothingness and scrambled down the hall without a word.

Moments later Lily appeared, a man on each arm, practically dragging her down the hall, as she weakly tried to keep up.

James gasped when he saw her.

She was trembling, a tangled mass of red curls obscured her face, but even through her hair he could see blood trickling down from her cheek. Her dress was torn, an unseemly amount of thigh showing.

"Lily!" he cried, rushing forward and throwing his arms around her.

She stared up at him unseeingly, blinking several times.

And then her knees buckled, and everything went dark.

James caught her in the nick of time, hoisting her up bridal style.

"How touching." Lucius mocked, twiddling his wand boredly.

Baldwin reached out to restrain James unnecessarily. As if it were possible for James to even cast a spell with Lily in his arms, let alone throw a punch. Although he would have liked nothing more then to wipe the smug smile off of Lucius Maloy's face.

For a moment he pictured his fist making contact with Malfoy's chin, and his hand itched to make it a reality.

But as it was he was too grateful to have Lily back, in one piece, in his arms.

"We'll be going now." Baldwin said steering James towards the door. "But just a friendly piece of advice. If I were you, I wouldn't go around arresting purebloods. It's bad form."

James paused a few feet from the door, turning slightly. "Oh and Malfoy," he said, his eyes flashing. "Come near my wife again, and I'll kill you."

Malfoy's lips twitched into a smile.

But they both knew, James had been anything but joking.

* * *

**A/N **– Sorry guys, I know this was late but I was on vacation with my family and so my internet access was limited. Anyway I was thrilled by the response! So many reviews!!! I feel all warm and fuzzy inside!!

Next time – all is explained and James receives an interesting proposition ;)

Thanks to Lex, Ally_pally, Sirius Leigh, Will Write For Food, IHeartJamesPotter, MissSaraJean-Jellybean47, Katie, lilalex13 (loved the long review!!), flowerypetal, tipsylover, lozenges, Anon, cherrykisses21, laura

Sakura Lisel – haha well they can't arrest her at work, can they? It's all rather hush hush after all. And as the arrests are secret, they can't go around announcing it to the world. That's why they show up on a weekend end morning and torture at night. The takeover of the ministry is quiet and not as complete as it is in Harry's time. The Potters will have their say, but its gone on so far that there's little they can overtly do.

WhiteCamellia – She's been arrested for being a muggleborn like all of her colleagues at the Prophet. Poor Lily :(

Startofadream2309 – Dumbledore's role in this pickle is silent but prominent. His involvement will be revealed in the next chapter so stay tuned, although I'm sure you can figure it out! Also, more fluff on the way!

RavieGrint – loved your review! This chapter was, unfortunately, mostly plot but the next one will see the return of some fluff.

Paddynprongsie – yep she was born on the wrong side of the tracks, so to speak. Don't worry, she doesn't have a secret double life as a death eater of something, although that would be interesting.

PottersLittleSister – haha yeah I think it's safe to say that they both enjoyed "dessert" thoroughly. Lol. I'm glad you're back! I missed you.

Please review! It makes all the difference!! XOXO


	14. Just Give Up

**As Is**

**Chapter Thirteen**

**Subtitled:** _Just Give Up_

**Quotation**: _When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Victor Frankl_

_

* * *

  
_

The room was stuffily warm, but James had hardly noticed. His eyes were trained unblinkingly on Lily's peaceful face. Her chest moved in an even rhythm, her faced was flushed prettily except for the gash the crossed her right cheek, the only visible reminder he had of the evening the day before.

He had kept vigil at her bedside, nearly hexing Sirius out of his presence. He didn't know how he felt except responsible. James was never one for self reflection but he knew her life lay in his hands and he'd nearly lost her. He had grown accustomed to her smell, her laugh that was often punctured with snorts, her red hair hanging around her like a curtain. He felt like her big brother, yet her lover, yet her friend, yet as she were a symbol of all muggleborns. He could no more make sense of his feelings then he could the political climate. But at this moment is bothered him not at all. What mattered was that she was here, in his bed, alive.

For a moment his breath caught in his throat. It could so easily have gone the other way.

There was a sharp rap on his bedroom door,

"Come" he snapped, in no mood for visitors. He expected one of his friends or his father and he knew he couldn't shut the world our forever, though he desperately wanted to.

"Good evening, James." An infuriatingly serene voice said from the door. James' head turned automatically. A carryover from his Hogwarts days. Sure enough, Albus Dumbledore stood in the doorway, managing to look polite despite the fact that he was standing in a former student's bedroom uninvited.

James stood up abruptly more from habit then anything else.

"Professor." He said, though there was little warmth in his voice.

He wasn't sure who to trust these days.

"I see you've lost none of your early loyalty, the quality I most admired in you." Albus observed, seeing the chair beside Lily's bed. James sat without comment.

James didn't even bother to muster a smile. "It seems loyalty doesn't get one far these days," he muttered bitterly, eyes still trained on Lily's scarred face.

"On that point, I'm sure you're mistaken."

James shrugged. He didn't much care these days if he were mistaken or not. "If you say so." He said and gently pushed Lily's sweaty hair off her brow.

"It's of loyalty that I wish to speak to you." Dumbledore said after a moment, having quite comfortably settled himself in a chair next to the fire. "I've assembled a group of like-minded individuals. People, like yourself who would like to see these injustices end."

James gestured in mid-air, a wine cup landing in his hand which he drained handily. "I see." He said, without a touch a of warmth. "And is this merely a meeting of like minds or the Slug Club with hexes." He laughed, but it was cold.

There was something chilling in James' lack of warmth. James, who could find humor in even the most minute of details, but there was not humor in his laugh now; just the coldness that sudden, and unbidden, maturity brings us.

Dumbledore himself was not amused. "You saved her tonight. How long can you keep it going it?" he asked.

His question hit a nerve.

"As long as necessary. I don't see why I should add to our troubles by putting a target on her back." James hissed.

"Oh James," Dumbledore sighed. "Don't you see that that's the whole problem. The target was there long before you ever came along, How long to do you really think you can keep up this charade. The problem isn't Lily, it's those that seek to destroy her. Join me."

James stared at him, his eyes burning black as coal. "I will not draw attention ourselves. Find your own lackeys." He spat.

Dumbledore observed him quietly for a moment, and they held eyes, neither eager to break the spell, but Dumbledore, the older and wiser of the two broke first.

"I hope, in time, you see you wrong." He said and with a wave of his hand the armchair was empty.

* * *

"What time is it?" Lily croaked into the darkness.

"A little after three." James whispered, conjuring a glass of water and holding it to her lips.

She accepted the water gratefully, cool on her parched tongue, and tried to hoist herself but her arms gave way.

"Shh. Don't," James soothed, and jumped up, lifting her as gently as he can, wincing for her, as her nightgown slipped off her shoulder revealing a deep purple bruise. He propped the pillows up for her.

"How long have I been out?" she asked, after a moment, eyes blinking with confusion. The curtains were drawn and she had no clue if it was early morning or late afternoon.

"Almost two days." He whispered.

Lily looked over in alarm, and reached for her wand, flicking the curtains aside, moonlight pouring in. She flicked on every light in the room and looked at James. There were deep circles under his eyes and he was still wearing the clothes he'd been wearing when he'd gone to ministry.

"Have you sat here this whole time?" she asked.

James shrugged. "I didn't want you to wake up alone."

"You should have called Ann." She said, reaching for his hand. It was clammy.

He shrugged again, exhausted but so relieved. "She had work…and I wanted to be here. If it weren't for me…" his voice broke and he looked down, ashamed.

"James. " Lily cried, her heart breaking. "You didn't do this."

He shook his head, and stood up, pacing feverishly, waving her denials away. "It won't happen again." He said fiercely and sat back down again. He took her hand in his. "I've been playing this over and over again in my mind, Lily. I think I've got a plan. You're going to stay home from now on. I'll go to work and we'll just keep you here, safe."

"Quitting my job? You don't think that will just announce to the world what happened?"

"No, not see it's better if you quit. You can't work there anymore, but if you go in and front of everyone quit, then you're not just another person who disappeared. And it's not like we need the money."

"What's my reason for quitting?" she asked, taking another sip of water.

"We're trying to get pregnant." James said, looking her directly in the eye.

The silence was deafening and Lily could feel her face flush.

"Uh…are we?" she asked, aware that maybe since she'd been tortured and hadn't eaten in days it was possible that she suffered some memory loss.

"Well we don't have to, but it would make you safer…and it's as good an excuse as any."

His reasoning was sound. But a baby? Her head was spinning from weakness and hunger, but looking at James' ashen face she saw that he was as sleep deprived as she was sore.

She fingered the cut on her face.

"It won't leave a scar. My dad healed you as best as he could. We didn't want to bring in healers. But he's pretty solid at healing. He did raise me, well and Sirius, after all. It should be gone by tomorrow."

They shared a small smile at the thought of the playful thumpings he and Sirius had exchanged as children.

"I'll go in tomorrow." Lily said.

James breathed a huge sigh and Lily realized what he must have been going through to have sat there by her side for days and she felt a rush of warmth towards him.

Perhaps, the light was playing tricks on her, but were James' eyes a bit shiny.

"I'm so glad you're okay." He said, choking up a bit. Lily fought the urge to take him into her arms.

"James, you've already done so much for me but…"

"Anything," he cried jumping up.

"Can I have something to eat?" she asked sheepishly.

He grinned and grabbed his wand and two house elves popped in, trays in hand. One set a tray of steaming pot roast and mashed potatoes on Lily's lap.

The other handed James a tray of spaghetti with garlic bread. James moved to the couch near the fireplace.

"James," Lily said suddenly feeling shy. He turned and she patted the bed beside her. "It is your bed after all,"

"I hope you don't mind," James said, smiling at her. "I don't really know my way around your room."

"I don't mind." She said, and meant it and returned his smile. He picked up his tray and lay down next to her.

"So is this breakfast, or dinner in bed?" he asked after a moment.

She giggled and took a welcome bite of mashed potatoes. "After the last few days, I think we deserve a few meals in bed."

James took a huge bite of garlic bread and toasted an invisible glass towards her. "Amen to that,"

* * *

The light streamed in as the wand beeped without mercy.

"What time is it?" James groaned, covering his eyes after the first hours he'd received in days.

Lily, feeling remarkably better after having food in her system and the healing spells done days earlier finishing their work, sat up and glanced at the clock on the wall. "Seven. We have to get up for work."

He fumbled around for his glasses and sat up slowly, his whole body sore.

"Suppose you're right." He muttered and pulled himself out of bed. He put his head in his hands and then stretched luxuriously. He look over at Lily who was having trouble getting out of bed and despite his own exhaustion, he jumped over, still in his crumpled, and ripe tux shirt and pants, and helped Lily out of bed.

They looked at each other in the light of day, James' eyes roving shamelessly as she stood there in her thin night gown, nearly see-through in the morning light. Her face was completely healed but purple splotches covered her body.

Lily blushed and followed his gaze. "I guess I'd better wear long sleeves, otherwise people will think I pissed you off."

James laughed mirthlessly and met her eyes. "Are you ready to do this?"

She took a deep breath. "No, but think how happy my family will be when they find out I'm a lady who lunches." She attempted a brittle smile.

"So I finally get to meet your family?" James asked, grinning. "I mean we've only been married for five months."

"Well now that we're trying I guess it's serious enough for you to meet them."

James laughed and moved towards the bathroom. "Come by my office at lunch and we'll begin you're new career."

Lily managed a smile and reached for her wand, apparating into her own bathroom.

* * *

James shuffled through his papers. The higher ups knew what had happened, to Lily. Thankfully, though, everyone else was wonderfully ignorant and thought that James was merely getting over a bad flu that had kept him in bed for the last few days. And after being at work for only a few hours, he felt like he had had flu.

There was a meek tap at the door.

"Come in!" he called, reaching for a quill. Lily entered, wearing a deep purple turtleneck with a matching cloak.

He stood up and smiled. "How'd it go?" he asked, reaching into his drawer and withdrawing a purse.

Lily shrugged. "Everyone was thrilled for me. Couple of people I barely know were fishing for baby shower invitations." She rolled her eyes, but she didn't seem terribly amused.

"So, now that you're a woman of leisure, I thought you might want a little something to get started." He handed her the purse.

Lily took it from him, eyebrow's raised. She opened up the purse to find dozens of shiny galleons staring back at her. "And I'm supposed to do what, with this, exactly?"

James sat back in chair, looking rather satisfied with himself. "I thought, maybe, you could spend it on a nursery,"

Lily didn't look amused. "So you've just decided, then, on your own, that we're having a child?"

"No, I decided with you to make look like we were going to try to have child. Spend the money anyway you like. I just thought it would help things along as far as appearances go,"

Lily felt slightly less miffed at this and imagined the beautiful cloak she'd seen on her way over that morning wrapped around her shoulders. "Well I guess I could find something to do with this." She aid, holding up the bag, a smile playing on face.

James grinned. Ten million galleons would never erase what she had been through nor the guilt he felt about it, but it did, somehow, ease things just to see her smile, even though they both knew he had bought the smile.

But as far as James was concerned, a smile was smile, as for how it got there, that was completely irrelevant.

* * *

Lily walked the streets idly, biding her time before her noon lunch date with Ann. The April wind was just cool enough to be refreshing and had lost it's vicious bite seemingly overnight.

It had been nearly two months since she'd quit her job and though it had been beyond tedious at first, she'd found a great number of things, out of pure necessity to keep her busy. She had lunch dates, for example, nearly everyday with either Ann, or James' mother, or even, from time to time the unemployed yet always charming Sirius.

She'd also discovered the library three rooms down from the ballroom and spent many hours lost in everything from recipes to British history. She passed a pram and a baby gurgled within. Lily couldn't help herself and sneaked a peak. A little girl, barely six months old was wrapped up in pink blankets and a matching bow.

Lily's heart skipped a beat.

They hadn't discussed it since that night, but once the seed had been planted in her brain, Lily found herself staring longingly at mums in the park and onesies in store windows. The truth was, she quite wanted a baby, but as she wasn't expecting a visit from any angels, she found it unlikely that she would become pregnant.

It wasn't that she and James had gone back to square one, or even two it more like they had gone back to high school. After dinner they often snogged in front of the fire, sometimes taking things a bit further and then just when she was sure it was going to happen, he would stop, kiss her tenderly and then go up to his room. She assumed it because she'd seemed so unenthusiastic when he had brought up the idea originally, and in truth, then, she had been. But as the weeks wore on she found she craved a baby but felt much too awkward to say so.

Gazing over her shoulder at the baby in the pram, Lily was resolved. If she wanted a child, she'd have to take matters into her own hands.

Tonight even.

* * *

James kissed her, breathing hard, the combination of the fire and his own desires make him breathless. He broke away, sure that any longer and he wouldn't be able to contain himself. He looked at Lily, her face flushed underneath him in the firelight, her right sleeve veering off her shoulder.

He shuddered with desire.

It was time to say goodnight. He kissed her softly on the forehead.

"Goodnight, darling." He whispered, smoothing her hair. "Shall I walk you to your room?"

Lily stared thoughtfully into the fire. "No, I'm not tired just yet. You go ahead."

"Alright, then." James said cheerfully. "I'll see you in the morning." He kissed the top of her head and stood up, swishing his wand. A mere moment later he was standing in his bed room. He pulled off what remained of his clothes (Lily had don't away with his tie and shirt) until he was only in his boxers and undershirt. He walked towards the bed, muttering knox, under his breathe, all the lights, but his bedside lamp falling dark and reached for the stack of paper work he'd have to work on in the morning.

Not five minutes had passed when there was a soft knock at the door. James looked up in surprise.

"Come in." he called, setting the papers aside.

The door swung open and the breath left James chest.

Lily stood there in nothing but a bra and underwear. The papers were shoved aside unceremoniously and James was at the door in three strides taking her into his arms. He carried her to his bed and reached for his wand to say a protection spell.

Lily stayed his hand. "No." she said.

He held her gaze. "Are you sure, Lily. Just because we have sex doesn't mean…"

"Shh." She whispered, holding her finger to his lips and kissing him softly on the neck, "I'm sure."

"So you're just using me because you want a sprog then?" James asked, laughing mischievously, kissing her collar bone.

"If that's a problem I can always go back to my room," she whispered back

"How about from now on this is your room?"

"How about you just shut up and kiss me?"

James didn't need to be told twice.

* * *

**a/n – **so this part is finally up. I hope you all enjoyed it. Soon we'll be seeing harry and the order of the phoenix, so that will be exciting. Reviews of any kind are always welcome and I'll try and be much quicker with the next bit.


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